Page 14 of Catch a Wave

Ben can’t help himself. “What were you thinking, Kai?” He shakes his head. “Man, you are in such deep, deep yogurt. Stinks to be you, bro.”

Kai looks properly remorseful. “I know already. I messed up. It seemed like a good idea at the time. The last thing my sister needed was a reminder of Bodhi. She would have felt like I was betraying her.” He looks at Ben. “That’s a long story. One I’m notgoing into here. Bodhi’s my best friend, and when he needed me, I didn’t hesitate to take him in. Over time it just got harder to mention him to Kalaine. She never visits. Our ohana—our family—meets up in Oahu, or at her competitions when I can get away for them. I figured no harm, no foul.”

“Until she called to tell you she needed to stay somewhere,” I add.

“Yeah. And I couldn’t turn her away. I’ve been racking my brain for a way to break this to both of you.” He pauses, his face filled with the appropriate amount of agony. “Sorry, Bodhi.”

“I get it.”

I actually do. I don’t condone the way Kai covered facts, but having lived through my own accident and then seeing Kalaine today, I do understand why Kai hid my presence and why he’d be struggling to tell her. Without a doubt, she needs to stay here. I just need to figure out how to make living around me easy on her.

I hang out at the watersports shack for a while after Kai and I talk things through. There’s really not much else he needs to say to me. I want Kalaine here. Even though it’s heck-ah awkward, I want her to be able to hide out and take her time. She needs that. Kai is sincerely sorry. It’s not me he needs to worry about. He’s got to figure out how to smooth the waters with his baby sister. And even though she’s normally as chill as they come, right now she’s vulnerable, and that makes her easily riled up. I’ll leave all that to him, though. His mess, his shovel.

Once I get back home, I spend the afternoon in the garage. And as far as I can tell, Mavs sleeps like the dead for the duration of the day. I’m done with my project for now. Not finished with the board, but I’ve done enough and I don’t want my work to get sloppy by staying longer at this than I should. When I hear the front door open, I step up into the house from the garage. Kai looks around. I point to the guest bedroom.

“She went to sleep hours ago. I think she may still be out. I remember how that was for me. Sleep is the only mental break you get—as long as you don’t have nightmares.”

Kai nods. He’s obviously still knee-deep in the reality of everything that happened to Kalaine and the fact that he still has to face her when she wakes.

“I’ll go pick up tacos,” I offer.

Making a food run will give Kai and Kalaine the space they need for starters. And Mavs hasn’t eaten since she arrived, maybe most of the day. I’ll feed her. I always loved taking her out or cooking for her. She loved cooking for me too. Those days are gone, though. I’m going to need some sort of mantra to remind myself to keep the past where it belongs. Mavs needs a safe place to land. She doesn’t need me strolling down memory lane trying to revive what once was.

That’s what I’ll give her. A safe place to land.

Even if I have to die a little every day to do it.

7

KALAINE

You can close your eyes to

the things you don’t want to see,

but you can’t close your heart

to the things you don’t want to feel.

~ Johnny Depp

Iwake disoriented. The room I’m in is dark.

Kai’s house.

Bodhi’s house.

Bodhi.

A sigh leaves my lips before I’m able to control my instinctual reaction to him.

Why does he have to be so magnetic? And kind? And gorgeous. He’s more than gorgeous. He’s beautiful in this sun-kissed, sea salt baptized, rugged, effortless way. And he’s the last thing I need to be thinking about right now.

I blink my eyes and my surroundings come into focus. Sparse furnishings—totally a room set up by two single guys—functional with no frills.

And then my dream comes rushing back at me. I’m on that wave again. The edge approaches. Dan drives away on the backside of the lip. I scream out to him, “Dan! Dan! Dan!” My heart races and I reach a fevered panic. Then the water is like ice under my feet, sliding and pulling me before I take the near-fatal dive over the falls. Everything goes black then. Every. Single. Time. Why does my brain insist on reliving that wave over and over? I don’t even know if the dream mimics reality because I can’t bring myself to remember even being towed out. My neurologist said a blank spot in memories surrounding a crisis is normal after a traumatic episode, especially one that led to a concussion.

A part of me is grateful. Why would I want to remember the wave that ended my career? But another part of me won’t settle until I know and see it all, pick it apart, and discern what went wrong. But I won’t watch the YouTube videos or news clips. I don’t want to see myself in third person. I do want my memories back—and my life.

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