Page 73 of Falling

“You don’t have to apologize to me. You didn’t do anything wrong,” I reassure him. He looks so disappointed in himself that it breaks my heart. He’s always the confident, funny, charming MilesDavis when he’s around me. And when I get glimpses into this side of him, I just want to hug him like the day he hugged me for the first time. I want him to feel like I did. Like I didn’t have to be alone in my feelings anymore.

“If Coach finds out, I won’t be able to play. He’ll kick me off the team for good, and any chance I had of getting drafted this season will be over. But with what they were saying, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I’ll ruin everything,” he explains, his voice cracking. I brush my hand over his cheek before curling it into his hair, and he melts into my touch, closing his eyes.

“That’s not going to happen, Miles,” I whisper.

“It might.”

“It won’t,” I say. “Tell you why?”

“Why?”

I smile. “We’ve got this.”

“We’re a ‘we’ now? I didn’t know we were official.”

I roll my eyes. “I think we’ve always been a ‘we,’ Miles. We’re in this together or whatever.”

“Who turned you into an optimist?”

I shrug one shoulder. “I hear orgasms can improve your mood.”

He chuckles. “Are we going to talk about what just happened?”

“What's there to say? It’s not a big deal. We broke the rule. It was a moment of weakness,” I say even though it pains me. It's the easiest option. It’s what is best for both of us. My fingers are still in his hair, tugging at his curls, and it’s the most relaxed I’ve felt in a while. He swallows. “We can just forget about it, right?”

He clears his throat. “I can pretend to.”

“Miles…”

“I just finger-banged you and you're expecting me to forget about it?”

“Don’teversay finger-banged in my presence, and yes, I am expecting you to forget about it,” I argue, and he huffs. “We’ve got alot coming up in the next few weeks. You’ve got the playoffs, and I’ve got the showcase. It would be a bad idea for us to think about whatever this is right now.”

“Okay. You’re right,” he bites out. I roll my eyes again. He shifts in place and shuffles a little closer to me, our noses almost touching. “Hey, if I ask you to do something, will you promise not to be weird or question me about it?”

I nod. I’m starting to think that there’s very little I wouldn’t do for Miles Davis. “Okay.”

He swallows. “Can you keep running your fingers through my hair? Just until I fall asleep.” I blink at him, and he sighs before I can say anything. “Never mind. I knew it was stupid. Just?—”

I cut him off and pull him into me so his head rests on my chest. I run my hand across his forehead, pushing his hair back before I sink my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, and he sighs.

I know how badly he needs this. I know how badly he needs someone to just be there for him, to be in his corner so he doesn’t have to be alone. I want to be that person for him. I want to ease his pain in any way I can.

“Is this good?” I whisper.

“It’s perfect. Thank you,” he murmurs. “Thank you for being here.”

“I don’t think you’re getting rid of me anytime soon, Miles,” I admit. He’s weaved his way into my life, and I want him to stay no matter what’s going on between us. I don’t want to push him away like I’ve done with everyone in my life when things get hard.

“And you’ll be here when I wake up?”

“Yeah, I’ll be here.”

I brush his hair out of his face, running my fingers through the end of his curls until he falls asleep. Even after his breathing has settled and he’s deep in sleep, I keep him close to me. Well into the night, I stay there, watching him sleep.

I can’t ruin this for him by acting on impulses because that’s all they are. They are just parts of this that we have to ignore. He needs to play again more than I need to skate. We're so close to the show that I can almost taste it.

Heneedsthis.

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