Page 41 of Falling

“It’s already enough that I’m crying in front of you again,” she says, “I really don’t need you trying to comfort me too.” She steps away from me until she’s sitting on the toilet seat, shoving her face into her hands. I sit down on the edge of the bathtub, looking up at her.

“Can you smell that?” I ask, scrunching my nose up.

She sniffles. “What?”

“It smells bad in here, don’t you think?”

“Miles, what are you?—”

I cut her off, pretending to sniff in the air around us. “Just really try to smell it. It’s awful.”

Her teary eyes flicker between mine until she sniffs, taking in a huge breath. It doesn’t smell bad here. It’s honestly weird that it smellsgoodfor a bathroom at a house party. But it got her to take a deep breath, and that’s all I need from her.

“I can’t smell anything,” she whispers.

“That’s the whole point. You needed to take a deep breath,” I say, running my hand across her knee reassuringly. She covers her face again, shaking her head like she wants to make me disappear. “Wren. Talk to me.” I try to peel her hands away from her face, but she doesn’t budge. “I've got you, alright? I know you don’t want me to, but I’m here for you.” She takes in a deep breath, the exhale shaky. “What do you need from me? Tell me how I can help you.”

“It’s just in my head. I’m getting anxious over things I don’t need to get anxious about, and then it crushes me like a weight on my chest when things get too much, and I freak out.” She blurts out the words, still not looking at me, and she takes another deep breath. “I think something’s wrong with me. This… weight, this pressure, it doesn’t feel normal.”

This girl is breaking my heart. If I didn’t think she’d push me away if I went to hold her, I would have her in my arms right now. I’d be smoothing my hand down her back, holding her as close to me as possible until she manages to pass all the pressure she feels onto me. I’d take it on and more if it meant she could be okay.

“There is nothing wrong with you, Wren. It happens to the best of us. A lot of people panic and have anxiety, but everyone just deals with it in different ways,” I say. She looks up at me now, and a part of me wishes she didn’t. I’ve never seen her like this before, and it breaks my heart. “I used to drink until the tightness in my chest went away, but a good friend of mine told me that I’d become an alcoholic if I didn’t stop.”

She sniffles. “They sound very smart.”

“Smartest person I know,” I confirm. She gives me a weak smile. “I know you’ve got a lot going on with your skating team and your mom, and clearly, there are some unresolved issues with Augustus, so we can leave. We can get out of here and get some food and pretend tonight didn’t happen.”

“But what about our plan? The pictures. This was supposed to be our big debut as a couple,” she says, rolling her eyes.

“You,” I say before I tap her skull, “and this brilliant brain of yours are far more important than any party, any photo, or any opportunity to show people that we’re dating. What you want matters, Wren, and I’m sorry if it’s never been proven to you that it does.”

“Please stop talking or I’m going to cry again,” she mutters, laughing.

I stand to my feet, holding out my hand to her, and she slips her hand in mine. “Let’s get something to eat.”

14

WREN

FRIES WITH A SIDE OF TRAUMA

I’ve always hated crying.

I’ve always hated the feeling of being weak and vulnerable, and I’ve put those walls up for a reason. But since I’ve met Miles, it’s like he’s been slowly hammering away at my walls and trying to get me to open up to him.

I don’t think he’s doing it intentionally, but he’s got this annoyingly calm presence about him that makes me want to spill secrets to him and have him give me another hug. It’s stupid and the most pathetic thing I’ve indulged in, but it feels good, and I haven’t felt that in a while.

We end up in a secluded diner not far from the one we went to for our date. According to the very short menu, they only sell fries or fries (exploded). We sat across from each other in a back booth after ordering our fries and drinks.

I take a long sip of my Coke, drawing out the inevitable. “Hey, I’m sorry about what happened earlier. I know it’s not a big deal or whatever, but it kind of is to me. I hate freaking out like that on other people, and I should have warned you or something. I don’t know. I’m just embarrassed that you had to see me like that.”

He stares at me for a minute, and I wonder why I didn’t just keep my mouth shut. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for. Things happen. I’m just glad you didn’t leave me shouting outside the bathroom door the whole night.” I snort. “I meant what I said the other night, Wren. I want you to know that you can be real with me, and I like knowing that you’re okay.”

“Why?” I find myself asking.

“Whywouldn’tI want to know that you’re okay? When you’re with me, and even when you’re not, I just like knowing that you’re okay.Especiallywhen I’m not there. So, you running off from me earlier? Yeah, that doesn’t really work for me.”

The seriousness in his tone catches me off guard. No one has ever seemed so like they care much about what I feel or what I have to say. No one checks in on me as much as Miles does and I haven’t known him for that long. It’s all so weird to get used to.

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