Page 79 of Falling

“Wren? It’s Austin. Are you alone?”

My chest tightens at the sound of her voice. It’s been so long that I almost forgot what she sounds like. We've had a few calls over the last few years but nothing to remember. She’s always busy so it’s always a quick “Hi, how are you?” on her way into the studio, and I’m okay with that. I've always wanted a better relationship with my sister like we used to have as kids, but it’s changed a crazy amount over the last few years. She does her thing, and I do mine. And I’m fine with that.

“Is it your loverboy calling for phone sex?” Kennedy coos.

“No. It’s Austin,” I say, the words sounding foreign on my tongue.

They both turn to me in horror as I pick up my ice packs and limp into my bedroom, closing the door. My hands shake as I sit down on the edge of the bed. “No one has heard from you in months. Are you okay?”

“My life is over. My career is over. I won’t be able to dance anymore,” Austin says, groaning. It sounds like she’s crying, but I can’t tell. I don’t remember the last time my sister cried in front of me.

“Are you hurt? What happened?”

“Worse,” she replies.

“Austin, what could be worse than that?” A huge part of me doesn’t even want to know the answer. Austin is a lot less dramatic than my mom. She’s always been the rational one, but with the complete terror in her voice, I don’t think I want to know.

“I’m pregnant.”

The line goes silent.

Austin has never wanted kids. It’s not that she doesn’t like them. But Austin’s life plans were very simple. Ballet. Get married. Ballet. Even as kids, when asked what she wanted to do, it was always “ballet” with certainty and “marriage” with a question mark.

She has done everything in her power to make sure that one plan stays consistent and that it actually follows through. In a way, I have a very similar plan to hers. Skating has always been my entire life and will continue to be. I wouldn’t be having a meltdown if I got pregnant, but I wouldn’t be thrilled either. I have goals and an end in sight, and I’m not willing to let anything come in my way of that.

She’s been dating Zion for as long as I can remember, and they’ve made it work between her schedule and his job as an editor. I knew they were serious when he moved away with her to Russia a few years ago, butthiswas clearly not in their five-year plan.

“How far along are you?” I ask when I get my voice back. As much as I would want to congratulate her, I’m sure that’s the last thing she wants to hear from me.

“Maybe four months?” I don’t say anything. What am I supposed to say to this? “Emmy, Ican’tdo this right now. This was supposed to be my last month here and then I was meant to move to France in the new year with just Zion—not himanda baby.”

“Wait, you got into the company?”

“Why are you so surprised? I worked hard and I got in,” she says bluntly. Right. I forgot how uptight she was. “They won’t want me anymore if they find out that I can’t dance for at least a year.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to figure that part of it out. I was calling for a favor,” Austin says, and my skin prickles.

“We haven’t spoken in months and you’re calling me for a favor?” I ask.

“Yes.”

Well, at least she’s honest. I don’t bother giving her the whole spiel about how we’ve not checked in on each other. The truth is, not talking every day is the norm. If something was wrong,we’d know. The fact that we don’t talk as much sort of gives each of us peace. I know that she’s fine, and she knows that I’m fine too. It’s weird and probably fucked up in a lot of ways, but it works for us.

“Can you tell Mom for me? You don’t have to make it into a big thing, just bring it up like she already knows. I won’t be able to stomach the disappointment if I tell her myself. I’ve told Dad already, but you know what he’s like. He was just happy that there’s a possibility he could get a grandson.” She laughs quietly.

“Austin, I don’t know if I can do that,” I stutter. “I don’t want all that pressure on me right now. I’ve got a show coming up and?—”

“Great. That’s perfect. Just tell her right after the show, when you’ve done your best performance, and she’ll be so proud she probably won’t even care.”

I wait a minute, not saying anything. My future in figure skating at NU is riding on the back of this showcase. Not only do I need people to turn up, but my mom needs to enjoy it. She needs to see that I’ve put my blood, sweat, and tears into my training. And now, she needs to be prouder than ever so Austin’s pregnancy can fly right over her head.

“Thank you, Wren. I owe you for this one,” she says quickly without waiting for my reply before ending the call. I sit on my bed for what feels like hours, dumbfounded, and my body suddenly feels heavy.

This is the last thing I need. The show is only a few weeks away, and I need to stay sane enough so Miles doesn’t think I’m going off the rails. I’ve already changed my routine for him, skipping classes and staying in bed with him when I could have used that time to be more productive. If this stupid, pathetic schoolgirl crush doesn’t go away soon, I don’t know how long we’ll be able to keep up this shtick.

When the anxieties creep up into me, I rush into my bathroom to throw up. When the retching doesn’t stop, both of the girlsrun into my bathroom. Kennedy holds my hair back while Scarlett rubs my back, knowing exactly what to do. I seriously don’t know what I’ve done to deserve them. After I feel like it’s all out of me, I go to my sink and brush my teeth, but they both hover around me in the bathroom.

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