Page 126 of Falling

“I thought it would help. He’s popular, and I thought if people saw us together, it would get more attention for the team,” I say, and I sound stupid as fuck trying to explain it to her. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

A cold, bitter laugh escapes her lips. “You really are desperate, aren’t you? You really thought pretending to date some boy is going to make you a better skater?”

“I didn’t do it to be better. I’m more than capable of becoming a better skater on my own. I did it for theteam”—my voice wobbles—“I did it foryou.”

She scoffs. “What makes you think that he’d even be interested in you for real?”

I feel the sting of her words deep in my chest.

“It wasn’t like that,” I mutter, “What we have is real now.”

“Real,”she says, sneering. “Don’t fool yourself. A boy like him would get bored of you in days. He’s using you, Amelia, just like you’re using him.”

I can’t hold back the tears anymore. They spill over, hot and uncontrollable. “That’s not true,” I say, but my voice is weak, and I can’t believe my own words.

“One of the things I admire most about you, Wren, is how selfish you are,” my mom says, her voice low and thick with condescension. “You always put yourself first. You do whatever it takes to push yourself to the top regardless of who you hurt in the process. You think this fake relationship is about helping the team? It’s about making you look good, about getting the attention you crave. You got too caught up, and you’ve forgotten about the people who actually care about you.”

Admire.

Admire,not love.

The words hit me harder than any blow. For so long, I thought my mom's harshness was her way of pushing me to be better. But now, I see it clearly—she’s been using me to relive her own failed dreams, to recapture the glory she lost. Every critique, every manipulation, it was all for her. She doesn’t think of me as her daughter. Wren her daughter and Wren the figure skater are clearly two different people to her, and I honestly don’t know if I truly exist as my own person without skating sometimes.

I don’t want that. I don’t want to do this for her. I’ve always told myself I skate for myself becauseIwant to do better. BecauseIwant to be the greatest in the fucking world. Not for her.

I look at Austin, hoping for some support, but she’s still looking down, silent and complicit. She looks pathetic. How can she just sit there and let my mom speak to me like that? Let her rip me apart like I’m not her daughter. The weight of it all crushes me, and I feel like I’m drowning.

“You’re wrong,” I whisper, my voice trembling. “I’m not selfish. I’ve been doing everything to make you proud and to live up to your expectations. But I see now that it’s never been about me, has it? It’s always been about you and your dreams.”

Mom’s eyes flash with anger. “How dare you? Everything I’ve done has been to make you the best. To give you the life I never had.”

“No,” I say, finding strength in my realization. “You’ve been using me to chase your own glory. I’m done living for your approval. I’m done being manipulated.”

For a moment, there’s silence. Then, with a final, cold look, Mom turns away. “You’ll regret this, Wren. When you fail, and youwillfail, don’t come crying to me.”

Austin’s eyes are filled with tears, but she remains silent, caught in the middle of our storm. I turn to her, my heart aching. “I’m sorry, Austin. I truly am. I should have been there for you, but you staying here, taking her side, is pathetic. I know you won’t realize it now, but I need you too.”

She nods slightly, her tears mirroring mine. “I know. I’m sorry too.”

The drive homefeels longer than ever, each step a heavy burden as I replay the confrontation with my mom in my mind. Her words, like daggers, pierced through the armor I had built around myself, exposing the raw vulnerability I’d kept hidden for so long. And Austin’s silence, her compliance with my mom’s accusations, cuts me even deeper than her words.

As I step into the dimly lit apartment, Kennedy and Scarlett's concerned faces greet me, and just seeing them here eases the pain a little. I called them on the way back saying that something had happened, but I could hardly get the words out. The facade I had desperately tried to maintain crumbles at their concern, and I can’t hold back the flood of emotions threatening to drown me.

Kennedy's arms envelop me as I collapse into her embrace, the weight of everything crashing down on me at once. The tears flow freely now, unstoppable, as I bury my face in her shoulder, the sobs wracking my body with each breath.

Scarlett rushes to my side, her touch gentle as she tries to offer words of comfort, but they fall on deaf ears. All I can hear are my mom’s accusations echoing in my mind, each word a painful reminder of the love I had craved but never received.

“I thought... I thought I was doing everything right,” I manageto choke out between sobs, the words barely audible through the pain gripping my chest. “But it was never enough. It was never about me.”

Kennedy’s arms tighten around me, a silent gesture of support as I finally let go of the facade I had clung to for so long. It’s only because I’m surrounded by my friends that I feel a glimmer of hope flicker to life within me.

But as the tears continue to fall, I can’t shake the overwhelming feeling of being unlovable, unworthy of the love I so desperately crave. I feel utterly broken, the weight of my insecurities crushing me under its grip, like there’s forever going to be a gaping hole in my chest. And in that darkness, I can't help but wonder if I’ll ever be able to find my way back to the light.

41

MILES

SPINNIN’ OUT WAITING FOR YA

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