Page 16 of Matched

My pulse slows while my mind grasps for the significance of his revelation. Holy shit. His job is on the line if this marriage implodes? That’s too much pressure. On him. On me. On us. And then the second part sinks in. A year. He’s planning on asking for the annulment. Indignant anger burns my throat. Okay, so yeah, ever since I’d seen Tony’s name displayed as my matched partner on the official papers, I’d been questioning how I could possibly make this arrangement last. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t take his lack of commitment to me personally.

Tears gather at the corners of my eyes. “What if I want to stay together for longer than a year?”

Tony’s Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows. “We both know that will never happen but sure, if things are going great, we can figure it out then, okay?” His voice softens. “Look, I’m sorry to unload everything on you like this, but it’s gonna be okay. We’ll work it out.”

He takes my hand tenderly in his, and this surprisingly sweet side of him does a number on my senses. The knot in my throat eases up. Meanwhile, his touch causes every nerve to dance along the length of my arm. “I promise, I’m taking this all seriously, even when it seems like I’m not. The team is my family. If I’m discharged, I don’t just lose everything I’ve been working for over the last few years, I lose them too.”

I open my mouth to tell him he should have more faith in people he claims to consider family, that the others wouldn’t shun him just because he was no longer a SEAL, but their reaction really isn’t the point. Tony’s sense of self is tied to being a team’s guy. Without it, I’m not sure if he would even know how to belong with the others anymore, regardless of how understanding they may be. On top of that, being dishonorably discharged, especially after having such a prolific career, would follow him the rest of his life.

Mierda.

That’s a lot, right there. And there’s nothing like being weighted down under the additional pressure of his expectations. But I’m going to try my best not to let that show. Because right now, Tony knows who he is and what he wants. I don’t want to be the person who inadvertently threatens to make him lose that identity. Not when I willingly signed up for this program on my own. “Okay, fine. You need to make this work. I want to make this work. So looks like the two of us need to start trying to make that happen. Hey, what a novel idea! Putting some effort into making a marriage successful. Just know I’m not doing this just for you. I have some pride, and I refuse to be known from here on out as that pathetic woman who ended up with an annulment in under a month.”

No, I’m not being completely candid with him, but why would I bare my soul right now when he just told me he planned on bailing when a year was up? I have my work cut out for me, on multiple fronts, but I have my ways. And an entire year to get Tony to change his mind. Good thing I’m stubborn.

In the meantime, the last thing I want is for him to think I’ll jump to do his bidding any time he tells me a sob story. And now that I have some leverage over him to act his age, damn right I’m going to use it to my advantage because I want a real husband. “I know for a fact Jim will kill you before Redding can. And neither of us wants to deal with the guilt of what will happen to Taya emotionally if her husband gets locked up for your murder. But you need to meet me halfway, which means you need to take our arrangement seriously. Agreed?”

His eyes narrow as a shit-eating grin splits his face. “What are you—?”

Oh God. I’m so screwed.

I inhale a slow breath and close my eyes for a second, then exhale and straighten my spine as I meet my husband’s gaze. “We need rules. Real rules. Not boner rules, although, okay, maybe there’s some overlap. Like, first of all, I want monogamy from the very start.”

“Agreed.” He nods and then winks. “Especially since that implies there’ll be boners in your future. My boners.”

I raise my eyes to the ceiling and glare. How? How did I get matched with him? “Second, I expect my husband to act like he’s married around the opposite sex. So nothing like what happened with that nurse.” I’m trying not to snap at him as my mind drifts back to that day in the hospital. “You know, the one you were spitting game at two minutes after you hit on me.”

He stares at me and I spot the exact moment realization hits him like a smack in the face. His eyes grow comically wide and his mouth gapes. “That wasn’t—I wasn’t—”

“I saw you.” If nothing else—aside from a glare that would have put a weaker man on the ground—my tone dares him to deny it again. “You used the same lines, Tony.”

“Okay, so no flirting with anyone besides you.”

He waggles his eyebrows and my fists clench, but I don’t know if I’m mad at him for still playing the part of the jokester... or at myself for allowing his warm brown eyes to suck me in. Just to be safe, I rip my gaze away from his. Before he can draw me any further under his spell.

He crosses his arms and broadens his stance. “What else?”

I clear my throat, consider telling him not to flirt with me either, and somehow, in the process, find my gaze drawn back to him. I look him up and down, slowly assessing the muscles hidden beneath his clothes. His eyes darken with flash of hunger. I lick my bottom lip, an unconscious invitation, and he sucks in a deep breath and looks away.

I blink rapidly. What the hell? I’m practically going green light and he’s riding the brake. Not that I’m going to let things go further than that yet, but still. A girl has her pride. I take a step back, my arms folding across my chest, and swallow past the lump in my throat. If I’m going to persuade him he wants a real wife, I need him fully in the game. “I want a better ring.”

Every muscle in my body goes rigid. I’ve never been materialistic, don’t even care about the plain gold ring the military gave us. But Tony needs something to do rather than something not to do.

My husband takes a step back, eyes wide. “What?”

I hold up my hand to make sure the gold band around my finger is visible. “This generic bullshit isn’t going to cut it. I’ll email you the link to the one I want.” This is all coming right out of my ass because I’d never even looked at rings before. But I keep going like the Energizer Bunny of confessors.

“When I imagined getting married, I...” My throat tightens and, out of nowhere, my eyes grow moist. When I imagined getting married, I visualized something entirely different from the situation I find myself in now. I promised myself I wouldn’t end up like my mother, in a revolving door of marriages, but here I am, barely married a couple of weeks and already terrified that this partnership will end in a divorce. And after discovering the reasons Tony signed up, I’m even more frightened of letting my guard down with him. I’ve seen my mother’s hurt and disappointment over the years. I don’t want that for myself.

I swallow past the lump in my throat. There were no guarantees when I signed up for this. I rolled the dice as surely as if I’d been gambling in a Vegas casino. I’d just been praying that the house odds would work in my favor. But despite his shortcomings, Tony didn’t force my hand here. I joined the game all on my own. We both did. Now I owe it to both of us to see this relationship through. And maybe as time goes on, he’ll dismiss the idea of an annulment.

But I’m scared he won’t and that I’ll never find someone to love me the way Bear loves Marge or Jim loves Taya. If this experiment with Tony crashes and burns, I’ll have to lick my wounds and decide if marriage is even for me. I don’t want to be a sixty-year-old woman still falling in love at the drop of a hat and turning my life upside down on the off chance that the next “I love you” would be the one to stick.

I wince at the thought of my mother and what she’d say about an annulment. Not because she’d get to throw that stone, but because she dreams of a family for me. I’ve seen her eyes light up when she talks about grandbabies. I swallow a mouthful of bile and close my eyes.

Tony walks closer to me and brushes his fingers against my cheek. I flinch and start to pull away, but the wall brings me up short, and his fingers delve beneath the heavy weight of my hair to curl along the back of my neck. He urges me closer, and his warmth seeps into me, along with his delicious scent. I forget about my worries for a moment, instead focusing on the butterflies flapping in my gut like they’re trying to work their way out through my skin. And my hands are trembling. It’s been too long since I’ve been with a man and longer still since I’ve known this kind of anticipation. That’s probably why I’m acting like some timid virgin, leaning into his touch and parting my lips with a sigh. Okay. Maybe some of my body’s reaction has to do with Tony himself. There’s no denying that my husband is hot, especially now that he’s given me hints that there’s more to him beneath that cocky grin and obnoxious mouth.

“Maybe we should get to work on making this marriage work right now?” he says huskily.

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