Page 64 of Matched

I swallow the knot in my throat and shake my head. No. Never.

He nods. “Then if you love this girl, you will find a way to make it work.”

I had forgotten how comforting my dad’s advice was, especially when it came to love troubles. My mind wanders to the ring, to the fact that before the picnic, I had already made up my mind about making it work with Inara, but my stupid fucking pride got in the way. That, and my own poor way of dealing with grief. All these years I’d been upset with my dad for the way he’d handled Mamá’s loss and, yet, look at me. Here I am, blowing up my life, all because I’d locked away so much of my pain and refused to process it. No, it wasn’t Inara’s fault that one day the tight lid I kept on my past exploded off, unleashing a decade of pent-up reaction that cost me everything. I need to fix this. If it isn’t too late.

After we finish eating and pay the bill, my dad and I head back out to the parking lot. It’s nearing sunset by the time we leave. He drops me off at the ferry for the last trip back to Coronado. He isn’t a fan of driving that long-ass bridge, so I appreciate he was there to pick me up. Plus, I like the idea that I’ll have the ride back to the island to process everything we spoke about. And I’m grateful he didn’t pressure me about the fundraiser, even though he wants me there. He was a huge support to me today, and I have to return the favor.

The sun is on the horizon line by the time we arrive at the drop-off point for the ferry. I am ready to leave the car when my dad stops me. He grips my knee and looks right into my eyes. “Son, I need you to know that I am really sorry I was not there for you when your mother passed. I really am.”

“I know, Apá. I know it was hard on you.”

He nods and his eyes gloss with tears that threaten to slip out. “But it wasn’t fair to you and your sisters. I promise you I will be there for you in whatever ways you want me to be there from now on.” He pulls me in tight for a hug and even though the gear stick is poking my thigh, I lean into it. I have spent so long feeling like I had to protect others, protect myself, and sitting here with my dad reminds me how much I was afraid of, how much those fears influenced my life. And how much I wanted someone to protect me.

We part ways and I board the ferry, willing myself not to look back. Instead, I focus on the horizon and how the golden rays escaping the line remind me of Inara and her warmth. I close my eyes and let the heat wash over me.

I told Inara that signing up for the program was the biggest mistake of my life, but that isn’t true. Not even close. No, the biggest mistake of my life was not bending down on one knee and proposing to the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Now, all I can do is hope that I’m not too late to make things right.

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