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“That’s not true!” Her voice wobbles, but she lifts her chin.

“It is true. You said so yourself, you want to help heal me. And your landlord let me know that you were in it for the rent.” That isn’t fair, but I’m beyond caring. I’m drained. I just want this torment to end. “I should have known better than to let you get close. It hurts too much when people let you down. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.”

Inara’s dark eyes flash dangerously and her nostrils flare. “That’s bullshit, and you know it! Do I seem like the kind of person who’d get married just to be able to afford the rent? No, don’t answer that,” she says, holding up a hand. “I can’t be held responsible for the state of your balls if you do.”

No problem there. I’m too stunned by the vehemence of her sudden outburst to utter a single word as she launches into a full-blown rant. “And I didn’t sign up for this program because I wanted to heal anyone, you jackass. I signed up because I wanted a life partner. Someone I could raise kids and grow old with. You want to know exactly why I signed up? Because I didn’t trust my taste in men after all my mom’s failures, so I figured I’d be better off letting an impartial algorithm pick.” She pauses to blow a curl out of her face and laughs, but it’s a caricature of her usual laugh. A bitter sound that almost makes me flinch. “And yeah, sure, at first, I thought there must have been a massive screwup, matching me to you. But I vowed not to give up, and then I got to know you, the real you, and we had the makings of something real. Something good. Except you’re running away. You might be brave when it comes to missions and gunfire, but when it’s relationships on the line? You, Anthony Martinez, are a damned coward.”

While I’m reeling from that blow, she throws one last punch. “And for the record, I’ve lost a parent. Multiple, in fact. First my biological dad, then a parade of stepdads over the years. So yeah, I know how much it sucks. But that’s not a good enough reason to close yourself off from everyone.”

On top of everything else that’s happened, losing my mom is about the last thing I want to think about. I can’t. I can’t do this right now. I’m still so mad. About what my wife did, about my dad, about my career. I need to get the fuck out of here. Every muscle in my body is coiled tight as I walk to the front door and open it. I pause for a second, my hand gripping the doorknob. “I’ve already filled out the annulment paperwork. All you need to do is sign.”

A choked sob escapes Inara’s lips, and it’s like a surprise kick to my soul. “Don’t do this. Talk to me. Don’t you think we’re worth it?”

I squeeze my eyes shut. For a second, I’m torn. A voice in my head urges me to turn around, gather her in my arms, and tell her hell yes, we’re worth it, and that everything is going to be alright.

Except, I can’t say those things because it would be a lie. Everything isn’t going to be alright. Not when I’ve already lost my chance at OCS. Not when there’s this aching hole burrowing itself into my chest. Caring about someone doesn’t protect you from the harsh realities of life. In my experience, the exact opposite is true. Caring for someone makes you even more vulnerable to pain.

My grip on the cold metal doorknob tightens. I’m not a coward, damn her. I’m just being logical. This is all for the best. For me. For Inara. For everyone involved.

I straighten my shoulders, lift my chin and, without a single look back, walk out of the open door and out of Inara’s life.

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