Page 56 of Matched

Chapter Twenty-Four

Inara

Ireach into my purse and fumble around as I hurry toward the parking lot, trying not to let any more tears fall. Finally, my hand brushes against my phone’s protective case and I pull it out to open the Uber app. When Tony had been pulled away by his commanding officer, I jumped up and left. No need to stick around for the sympathetic glances from our friends. Thankfully, there’s an Uber driver close by and I track their route, only having to wait two minutes for them to arrive.

The driver isn’t one of the more social ones and I’m grateful for the silence. Everything passes by in a blur outside the window, my heart heavy with Tony’s admission. Leaning my head back, I close my eyes. I try to force back the tears threatening to fall and inhale the salty breeze rolling in through the open window, forcing myself to swallow past the giant lump in my throat.

The driver arrives at my house and I get out, standing on the sidewalk as if Medusa turned me into a stone statue. How I wish I were like the sun in the sky, hiding behind clouds so no one can see me. Every nerve in my body begins firing off. Normally, anxiety isn’t a problem for me, but after seeing Redding’s face, after the meeting he demanded Tony attend, I’m not sure what to expect when my husband gets home. Even before Redding showed up, the security of my marriage was in jeopardy. So, I do what any person in my circumstances would do... walk the handful of blocks to my mother’s house.

My sanity has definitely left the building, but I don’t know what else to do.

Mamiopens the door immediately. “Inara, what’s wrong.”

“Something bad happened with Tony. Something that might end our marriage.” Then I can’t say anything else because I’m bawling.

Mamipulls me into her arms and rubs my back as she embraces me. “There, there, mi hija. It can’t be as bad as all that.”

When I calm down a little, she ushers me inside, and into the kitchen. As I sit at the kitchen table, she heads to the stove, turning it on and placing a teakettle on the burner. She hands me a box of Kleenex and I blow my nose. My fingers drum against the plastic tablecloth as she scoops tea leaves into a strainer. God, how did this all go so wrong? And what am I going to do? Tony could lose his chance at Officer Candidate School, all because I stupidly stuck my nose where it didn’t belong. And I’d lost my chance at a lasting marriage.

Who am I kidding? Based on what Tony said, we never had a chance to work. No matter what his actions had led me to believe, he’d never had any intentions of taking us seriously. He was only in it for his job.

But where did he get off telling me that I was only in it for the money? That’s not why I signed up. I didn’t even find out about the increase in rent until after I joined the program. Having someone else to be able to split the rent with me was a last-minute perk. But it’s not the reason I want to stay with Tony.

I want to be with him because of the way he cares for others. Because of the way he makes me scream in ecstasy. And because I’ve fallen in love with him.

I love my husband. I love Tony.

But the revelation doesn’t offer comfort. Or joy. I’m not jumping on Mami’s couch. Not after what just happened. Instead, my heart only aches more because by overstepping I’ve not only thrown a lit match on our relationship, but dumped a gallon of gasoline. All unintentionally. Mami joins me at the table as the water for tea heats and places her hand on top of mine. “Do you want to talk to me about it?”

“The short version—I interfered with his family and Tony blew up about it in front of his boss.”

Mamipats my hand. “I’m sorry, mi hija. Marriage is hell sometimes. Why do you think I had to start over so much?”

Great. Not exactly the pep talk I’d been hoping for. Then again, what did I expect? Maybe my mom was right all along. Maybe some people just weren’t made for the long haul.

I sigh and place my elbows on the table, resting my face in my palms. More like hiding behind my hands. My body aches and the hollowness in my chest keeps growing. So wild how quickly things can change in a matter of seconds.

The kettle whistles and Mami stands, a moment later returning with two cups of tea. The jasmine aroma floats up from the steaming liquid, filling my nose as I wrap my hands around the fine china, enjoying the warmth seeping through the cup.

Mamisits and sips at her tea. When she returns her cup to its small saucer, she meets my gaze. “I think Tony is a great man. But I just don’t know if he is the one for you.”

My head jerks up, my mouth hanging open. What the hell did she just say? The woman has been looking to marry me off for years and now she’s backpedaling. After the shock of her words dissipates, I sit straight and cross my arms. “Care to elaborate?”

She looks down and spins her teacup. But a second later, she glances around the room and waves her hand toward a shelf full of pictures from her numerous weddings. “Then again, what do I know?”

She’s been through four marriages. None of them lasted long because she always found some problem. My mother worked full time, made dinner most nights, and took me to all my after-school activities and church. But anytime someone would step in to help—like one of my stepdads—she would always start a fight, needing to prove she could handle everything on her own.

Of course, sometimes the problems were more valid, like with the man she married around the time I was in the fourth grade. She met him at church. He was so devoted to religion and family life, but she wasn’t as driven by religion as he was, so she ended up closing herself off. That marriage ended in less than a year.

And then there was Bennett, the longest relationship my mother was in. He was the only one she dated for a good two years before they actually got engaged. They met when I was entering junior high, a rough time for me. Bennett was the perfect father figure, helping me discover ways to express my passions. Like when I lacked self-confidence, he signed us up for a family karate workshop. Anytime I had friend troubles at school, he was willing to listen, even if it was petty drama. Bennett was the only real father I’d had in my life. And for a while, things between him and my mom were great. Until they were over as well.

And now, here I am. Apparently doomed to follow in my mom’s footsteps. I’d be seriously depressed right now if I weren’t still reeling from the pain of Tony’s harsh words at the park.

We stand and I hand her the mug. “Thank you for the tea.”

She offers a weak smile as she takes it. “I have faith in you, Inara. You’re much stronger than me.”

Though I can’t agree with her in this moment, I appreciate her words, and just knowing I have my mom behind me gives me a little hope. Even if we disagree on so much, at least I have her in my life. I’m sad for Tony, sad for the burning ash of our relationship, and if I’m being honest, more than a little pissed. How could he let a misunderstanding come between us like that? Wasn’t I worth more to him than that? Yes, I messed up, but I apologized and wanted to work it out. Why didn’t he care enough to try? I could take all the blame, but one thing I learned over the years with Mami is that marriages take two committed partners to work. Me wanting this marriage to work on my own? It’s not enough. And that kills me because we have something special.

---