Page 49 of Matched

Chapter Twenty-One

Tony

Acool breeze rustles in, smelling of sand, salt, and the hint of seaweed. The sun is high in the sky and burns down into my skin. The heat courses through my body. I lift the beer bottle to my lips. The bubbles pour out into my mouth and fizzle. Nothing like an ice-cold one on a sunny day while we watch the waves roll in, a buzz moving through my body. I haven’t had an afternoon off like this in a while to just hang out with the guys. Craiger and Bear sit next to me on the beach while Jim and Graves are in the water surfing. I can’t stop chuckling every time Jim looks over at Graves and pushing ahead of him as they paddle toward a set of waves. Each time our newest teammate slips ahead, Jim rushes forward in competition. Those two have been getting along better, but it’s clear Jim hasn’t fully accepted the guy. After Lux’s death, it’s only natural to fight against his childhood friend’s replacement, as it’s a constant reminder Lux is gone.

I lift my beer can to my mouth again and look around. In front of us is a family. The toddler runs forward, stumbling on the sand. Her mother lifts her back up before making sure she’s all right. I try to imagine myself being here with my own little family. A trio of tiny little kids running around, maybe eating paletas as the waves tumble and foam. Would it be Inara next to me, racing after the little ones to check if they’re okay with each fall? We haven’t even talked about having children, but it’s only her face in the mirage in front of me. My mouth spreads into a grin and I purse my lips to try to hide it from Bear and Craiger. The daydream is getting to me and I don’t want them to see the crushing giddy fool I’m becoming.

I go still a moment later. Hold up. Since when did the thought of having kids not prompt me to break out in psychological hives? Yeah, I might not have children of my own, but I’d already raised plenty in the form of my siblings and the idea of inflicting the kind of pain I’d experienced when Mamá died is still horrifying. Has a few months of being with Inara changed my outlook that much already? I gaze at the horizon, unsure what to make of this new daydream. Having fleeting thoughts of a family when I’m deployed and worried no one will be around to miss me is one thing. Actively thinking about the possibility of kids with Inara is in a whole different ballpark.

For the life of me, I can’t tell if I should be happy or terrified.

My head tilts up and my gaze focuses on Craiger and Bear, who are both transfixed with the phones resting in their hands. I don’t know that I’m ready to share with them how I really feel about Inara. They would probably be supportive, but I’m not ready to acknowledge I want this to become more. I don’t even know if Inara and I are on the same page. Frankly, the idea that we aren’t is scary. Way more terrifying than facing down an enemy in a country looking to kill us all.

Bear points his chin in the direction of the cooler that I have my elbow resting on. “Toss me another one.”

I open the lid and the coolness that escapes coats my face. I reach in, my hand swimming in ice water, and pull out another beer. I throw it at Bear and he catches it with one hand.

“You too?” I ask, meeting eyes with Craiger. He nods and lifts his gaze from his phone in his hand. I throw one his way and he barely catches it.

Craiger unzips the tiny pocket in the front of his backpack and slides his phone into it. “Was talking to Lisa about scheduling a parent-teacher conference. It’s impossible to get our schedules to line up.”

“Can’t believe Mason is finally in first grade. He’s getting so big.” Bear cracks open his beer and a noticeable tsk escapes the can just before he brings it to his lips to catch the overflow.

“And his school’s getting pretty serious. He has homework. It’s crazy,” Craiger says.

I glance back over toward the water where the sun reflects off the breaking waves. Jim and Graves are walking slowly back in from surfing. When they make it over to us, they set their boards down on the sand next to the cooler before both reach in and pull out a beer.

“How was the water?” I ask.

Graves responds first. “Waves are coming in steady. Good day to be surfing.”

Jim nods in agreement before taking a swig of his beer. I take my phone from my pocket and open up the web browser. The picture of the ring on the screen looks beautiful. I hope Inara will like it.

Of course, while I’m lost in thought, Jim pops his head over my shoulder and whistles. “Wow, I didn’t know you’d gotten into sparkly jewelry. What’s next, you gonna pierce your ears?”

“Very funny, smart-ass. It’s not for me.” The stupidity of my comment sinks in as there’s no way in hell Jim thought I was looking at the ring for myself. Nosy bastard.

He peers at the image again, a white-gold band with a halo of tiny diamonds. It’s a simple design, but the diamonds are all high quality. Jim lifts an eyebrow and takes a chug from his beer, a smile peeking out from around the can. “That’s quite a wedding band.”

The knowing tone of his voice makes blood rush to my face. I hit the button to turn my screen off. “Part of a deal from when I first moved in. She wanted to call it quits, so I agreed to get her a better ring.” Jim doesn’t need to know that she hadn’t brought the ring up again since that first time. If he did, there’d be no end to the needling he’d give me.

I shove my phone back in my pocket.

A strong breeze comes and knocks a bit of sand into my face, which points out that even the universe doesn’t believe the bullshit coming out of my mouth right now. Hell, my stomach does flips when I think of her and my hands tremble at the idea of touching her body. She makes me feel young again, like I’m in high school.

I’ll be the first to admit it’s scary as hell.

I take a few gulps from my beer and wait for the subject to pass, but the guys are all smiling at one another.

“Just need this to work for a year so that Redding doesn’t fuck me over and ruin my chances at getting into OCS.” I shake my head. I can’t believe I put my career on the line. Not that it’s turned out so bad. But if Redding even gets a hint that something is amiss, I might as well kiss my aspirations goodbye. Not to mention I’m ready to move on to the next stage. I am ready for more responsibility. I want to show everyone I’m capable of guiding others and being someone they can follow.

Bear rubs his beard while Jim sits up straighter. “Redding gave me shit too. Doesn’t want to look bad. His ass is on the line just as much as yours.”

Craiger looks at me. “Does Inara know about the threat?”

I nod and take a swig of my beer. “It’s why she agreed not to run to the committee the first day I moved in.”

I should be thanking my wife for putting up with my ass. From the beginning she’s worked harder than me. She’s done everything she could do to make sure it looks like we’re both really trying.

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