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“They were a bit melancholy, especially your mom.” Lisa steps closer and places a hand on my shoulder. “But I reinforced we are still family.”

I nod. “Thank you.”

“Now, go get your girl…and tell your parents before it slips out.”

We say our goodbyes, and I get into my truck and crank up the A/C. After taking a moment for myself to clear my head, I pull out the letter from Riley that came in that morning’s mail and read it all again.

Dear Lucas,

I didn’t have the courage to finish what I needed to tell you before I left. I know you might tear this up without reading it, but I’m hoping you don’t. I’m hoping you’ll read it to the end.

I did join the program for the health insurance. I saw it as a way to get what I needed until I could manage to get it for myself. I couldn’t take another second in my parents’ house with my mother and father hovering over me, watching every second for something to go wrong. I ran from them and then had to face the consequences of doing that. I was desperate. I heard about the program and leapt at it like it was a lifeline.

And it was a lifeline. A literal one. Because of my condition, I can’t be without healthcare for long.

Then Lieutenant Graham told me I was assigned to you. I tried to get him to match me with someone else. I’d hurt you before and I didn’t want to hurt you again. I didn’t want to hurt me again, either. Breaking up with you and sending you away was one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced and you’ve seen what my stomach looks like. You know what kind of pain I’ve endured.

They were vehement, though. This was the match they’d made, and they’d made it for a reason. If I wasn’t going to follow their suggestions, maybe I should get out of the program. I couldn’t risk that. Like I said, I was desperate.

Then I saw you and spent time with you. I saw you with Mason and I saw your tenderness. I saw you with your teammates and I saw your capacity for joy.

I’m not going to lie about this. I saw you and my body responded in ways that I had forgotten it could. You made me feel like a woman again, Lucas. A whole one. You made me feel strong and sexy and confident for the first time in years. Then I got the call from Dr. Patel and I knew that strong, sexy, confident Riley was a dream, and I was getting my rude awakening. I’m not strong and I can’t lean on you for everything I need.

I love you, Lucas. I love you more than I can say. That’s why I had to leave. I had to have another surgery. There was no way around it. Not if I wanted to live. It’s turned out to be just one surgery, but at the time there wasn’t a guarantee, and I knew how very wrong things can go. After all, I went in for an appendectomy, something they do hundreds of times a day with no problems, and I’ve been in and out of hospitals ever since. I know not to count on the law of averages to give me a good outcome.

And there’s one more thing. With all the surgeries and no guarantee I won’t need others, somewhere along the line I decided I didn’t want to have children. But I shouldn’t make it seem like it’s only because of my health. Truthfully, I’ve never had the desire to have my own children. I don’t hate them. Hell, I love and adore Mason and was super happy to be a stepmom to him.

You deserve a woman you can rely on, not one who has to rely on you. Someone who will be open to expanding your family. Mason deserves a stepmom who can be there for him one hundred percent all the time. I want to be that person, but I can’t, and Lisa is going to make sure you and Mason pay for that. I can’t have that. I love you both too much.

I’m not going to lie this time. I see now how much pain I caused you by not explaining why I broke up with you before. I thought I was making it easier for you to walk away, but instead, I made you doubt yourself and the kind of man you were and are. You’re a good man, Lucas. That’s why I asked to be released from the program. I hope you find the kind of woman you deserve, whether it’s through the program or not.

All my love,

Riley

I refold the letter and realize I’ve done nothing but go around in a big circle. Pushed myself physically and mentally to be part of one of the most elite forces in the United States military, only to find that, emotionally, I haven’t traveled an inch.

Fourteen years ago, Riley ended our relationship because she was ill and didn’t want to put that responsibility on me. I’d walked away without a backward glance. Maybe if I had fought for her, I would have known what was happening and could have proved to her—and to her father—I was man enough to take care of her. I hadn’t, though. Hadn’t even tried.

Turns out I wasn’t the kind of person I’d want my own son to be with. I’d want someone to fight for him. To at least try.

Now Riley’s doing the same thing again. Cutting herself off from me so I can go forward unencumbered. Well, Goddamn it, I don’t want to be unencumbered. I want Riley. I want her in my life, in my house, in my arms, and in my bed.

And maybe there might be limitations of what I can offer because of my job. Limitations in what I can offer Riley, in what I can offer Mason. But what I can do for both of them now is to lead by example. To show my son not only how to love, but how to show that love.

Which means there’s only one thing to do.

I’m going to go get my girl.

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