Page 63 of Assigned

I want to weep. “We do know, Dad. Doctor DeSilva said that the abscess probably formed because of my appendix perforating and that led to septicemia and now to here. To Crohn’s.” I bend over a bit too fast to get the griddle from the cabinet beneath the stove and the soreness in my stomach makes me grimace. I hide my face so my parents don’t see it, because if they did, it would be another point of contention, another thing they’d use against me.

“And why did you end up with a perforated appendix, Riley?” Mom takes the griddle from my hands and bangs it down on the stove. “Because you refused to tell anyone you were in pain and let us take you to the hospital. Maybe if we’d gotten you there earlier, if we’d known you were suffering, we would have gotten you treatment and none of this would have happened. But you didn’t say a word. What choice do we have but to watch you like a hawk? I can’t lose another daughter, Riley. I simply can’t.”

My heart breaks a little at the crack in her voice as she speaks, but it doesn’t change anything. “And I can’t live my life in a bubble, Mom. Why do you think I moved to Virginia?” I shake my head. Are they even listening, even trying to understand? Do they even see me?

Dad crosses his arms over his chest. “Well, at least you had the sense to come home where you belong and where you need to stay.”

I sink down into a chair. “I’m not staying, Dad.”

His eyes bulge. He turns and with great precision dumps the broken glass into the waste can. Somehow he’s scarier when he’s quiet like this. I almost want him to yell at me again. “And who precisely do you think you’re going back to, Riley? To Lucas? Who will take care of you when he’s off God knows where for God knows how long? For Pete’s sake, Riley, he hasn’t even called you since you’ve been home. Do you think he even cares?”

The tears that threatened earlier are hot as they make their way down my cheeks. Yup, today was indeed the day for my marriage to be discussed—or fought over. And to make matters worse, Lucas hasn’t contacted me in the two and a half weeks since I’ve returned home. But I haven’t tried to contact him either. Hell, I didn’t even say goodbye. Hightailed it out of there while he was out so he couldn’t stop me, because if he really understood what was going on, he would have tried. And if he tried, he might have succeeded. Lord knows, I wish I could have figured out how to stay.

Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. Lisa thought I was unreliable because I hadn’t shown up to pick up Mason. If she found out why, she could use my illness as proof I could never be relied on. Damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. Staying in Lucas’s life meant putting more barriers up between him and Mason, and I couldn’t do that to either of them.

“You’re wrong, Daddy. Dead wrong. Listen to me because I want to be crystal clear, I didn’t leave Lucas because he couldn’t take care of me. I chose to leave. I was protecting him and his son. I felt it would be better for him and for Mason at the custody hearing if I was gone. So while I appreciate the help while I’m recovering, I ask—no, I demand—you abide by the boundaries I set, including not speaking negatively about my former husband.”

My heart stutters at those last words. I’d received the paperwork to formalize my decision to leave the program before my surgery. My parents had been nosy but I told them it was in regard to ending my lease. Luckily, they didn’t push because that would have given them more time to argue with me. I’d mailed the paperwork out right away as I didn’t want to impede any custody decisions with Lucas that might have been occurring.

The starch leaves my father’s shoulders. My mother turns off the stove and goes to stand next to him. The united front they’ve presented my whole life. No matter what.

But I’m not done speaking my truth. “And it’s not just about him. I’ve been volunteering to help kids who’d lost a parent to war. Gold Star families. Out on the water, they smile, open up. They share things. They trust me.” Tears start to well in my eyes at those last words. Mason trusted me too. Enough to open up about what he was struggling with. “I may not be like most others, but I do have purpose, a life of my own.”

Dad’s posture falters and he lets out an audible sigh. “We never thought you were weak, Riley. Not after everything you’ve been through, the way you’ve fought tooth and nail every step of the way. We’re just trying to protect our baby girl like you were trying to protect Lucas’s little boy.”

And without knowing it, or expecting it, my father gut-punched me. Because suddenly, I do understand. I understand why they would do anything to protect me because I would do anything to protect Lucas and Mason. And Lucas would do anything to protect me, except I took that opportunity away from him. I made the decision for him like my parents had done to me on many occasions.

I hug both my parents, earning a startled oof from both of them. “I love you,” I whisper. Then I go upstairs, get out paper and pen, and start to write a letter.

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