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I stare at her, blinking excessively. Right. Of course I’m going to have to speak. I can’t exactly tell the truth. I can’t tell them I needed health insurance and this seemed like the best way to get it fast. Not just because I’m concerned what would happen if the program committee found out, but I also don’t want to hurt Lucas. I turn toward my husband and find him staring at me, his brow furrowed. What would he think if I told him? The blood leaves my face and my stomach cramps. Come on, Riley. Figure something out to say. “Dating sucks. People are cruel. I figured the program would assign me to someone who actually wanted a relationship versus a casual hookup.”

Lucas looks away, some of the stiffness leaving his shoulders.

“And how are things going for you two? There was definitely some tension when you arrived.” Dr. Stehman leans back in her chair and looks from Lucas to me. Nice understatement.

“We had an argument yesterday,” Lucas says.

“What about?” Stehman asks.

“Just Lucas thinking he needs to fix stuff.” The words came out before I could stop them.

Dr. Stehman places her hands down on her thighs. “Does Lucas wanting to help bother you?”

“Does it bother you when someone automatically thinks you’re incapable of handling your life on your own?” Truth is, my response was fear based because I am actually afraid of him rejecting me.

“Whoa. I never said that.” Lucas raises his hands in the air. “You were about to fall and I caught you.”

I close my eyes and rub my temples. “Did I ask you to? Did I give you permission to touch me? We agreed...”

Lucas slouches into his corner of the couch. “You are going to give me whiplash, Riley. One second you’re holding hands with me and resting your head on my shoulder. The next second I try to keep you from toppling over and you lose it. What the hell is going on?”

Dr. Stehman turns to me. “Riley, is that true? Are you sending Lucas mixed signals?”

“No. I said I wasn’t ready for that kind of touching and I’m not.” Being next to Lucas stirs something in me, something I was afraid had died in these last few years. But I can’t bear the thought of the look on his face when he sees those scars or the way his hand will freeze when he feels them.

Lucas is shaking his head. “There’s more going on here. There’s something you’re not telling me. Some things just don’t add up.”

A cold sweat starts to break out on my forehead. “Like what?”

“What were you doing in that tiny studio apartment? That’s not the kind of place you’re used to. I can’t imagine your parents not getting you a decent place to live.”

Oh, they wanted to give me a decent place to live, all right. Unfortunately it was with them, under their constantly watchful eyes. “I wanted a fresh start. And I wanted to do it on my own.”

“Fresh from what?” Lucas asks.

“What about you?” I counter. “You’re not telling the whole story here either. You were looking for someone to help you with your custody issues. A wife would certainly help your case.”

Lucas rears back and Dr. Stehman lets out a little gasp.

If only I could stuff the words back in my mouth the second they hit the air.

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