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Patrick drones on about the precautions we’ll be taking for the climb down. In this exercise, Inara is a victim trapped on the cliff wall, while I lower down with the litter and help her get into it. Inara and I joke about her backstory for falling over the edge of the cliff in the first place as she is strapped in. She waffles between being a high stargazer or a dude bro with a GoPro and a YouTube channel.

Inara wipes a line of sweat from her brow while she is lowered down. As I stand on the ledge of the cliff and mentally prepare myself to scale down the length of it, I’m reminded of something Dad said to me when I first started out.

“If you keep pushing your limits, one day you’re going to find them.”

He didn’t like the idea of me being involved in search and rescue. Not because he thought it was embarrassing, like my stepmom, but because he was convinced I would take unnecessary risks and get myself hurt or killed. I never blamed him. Not after what he’d gone through when my mom died.

But search and rescue is different. Saving someone else is the closest I’ll ever be to my Dad again. I just wish I could have found a way to tell him that while he wanted to keep me safe, I wanted to help those who needed someone to save them. That I want to protect other families from going through what we went through.

Shaking my head, I take a deep breath and plant my feet right at the edge, working my butt low until my device and brake hand are near the lip, then I swoop clear in a short bound.

I continue to rappel in one steady flow, slow and calculated, rather than continuing to bound. There’s no room for sloppy behavior.

I’m a third of the way down the cliff and almost to Inara when shards of rock and debris rain down as the line hitches, and a sharp crack sends chills down my spine. It happens too quickly to scream. One moment, the ropes are like steel beneath my hands, but the next moment, my heart is in my stomach and I’m falling. The backup Prusik hitch catches, but I slam into the side of the cliff. A second snap cuts through the air accompanied by pain blossoming through my body. I manage to turn in time to vomit down onto the ground below as I swing over the ravine.

What just happened? Did my rigging break? How is that even possible? I’d watched and helped set the entire thing up. It had been solid before my descent. There was no reason for it to give out on me. I turn my head back up to the edge of the cliff. People are yelling instructions as they start to pull me up. I fight, and lose, the battle with my stomach and vomit into the treetops below again.

By the time I’m lowered onto solid ground, I’m light-headed and feverish. I wish my arm would go numb, but agony travels back and forth along my nerve endings and twists around my mind. I can’t escape it.

“Can you move?” The steadiness of Inara’s voice is soothing. I was right earlier. Her natural competence and that cherub face really are comforting in a crisis. Even if she’s a goofball, I’m grateful to know that we’ll be working together.

Per instruction and experience, I don’t try to sit up. The damage has made itself known, and I fight back another wave of nausea. I have a massive headache, but the agony in my arm is my one and only cause for concern.

I blink rapidly, fighting the urge to cry. “I’m pretty sure I broke my arm.”

Though she’s careful, there’s no getting around the shockwaves even the lightest touch causes. “Let’s get this set, and I’ll drive you to the hospital.”

The pain is my arm is rivaled only by the shame and embarrassment that fills me. And Jim, please God don’t let them call him. I don’t need him pointing out my failure. I know I messed up. I must have. There’s no other explanation for why my rigging snapped apart so easily.

I couldn’t save my dad but that doesn’t stop me from blaming myself for his death, and today I’d nearly gotten myself killed. If I’d managed to get to Inara before the rigging gave out, things would’ve been much worse. The tears come but their fall has less to do with the pain in my arm and more to do with the hot mess my life has become.

Chapter Fifteen

Jim

The television castsa comforting glow throughout the living room, and I sink deeper into the couch. It’s been at least eighteen hours since Taya left, and I never thought I’d miss being at work so much. Hours of enforced solitude aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Bear and Marge are having date night, and only God knows what Craiger and Martinez are up to.

I haven’t sunk low enough to call those two knuckleheads for company, so for the last few hours, I’ve been binging on ’80s and ’90s sci-fi. Not that I mind. I fucking love ’80s movies. I’d grown up on this shit.

Popcorn sticks in my throat when I swallow too fast, the twin beams of approaching headlights startling me. Who the hell is pulling into my driveway? After coughing the piece up, I straighten on the couch and place the popcorn bowl on the cushion, preparing to hoist myself up. But before I can get up to investigate, keys jingle and the front door clicks open.

Taya.

The hinges on the closet door in the foyer squeak and I tense, heart pounding in my ears. What if she comes in and says she wants to quit the program, that she came back to collect her things? The idea brings something ugly and desperate squirming to life in the center of my chest.

Some of the tension drains away when the car backs out of the driveway. If she plans on leaving, it’s not tonight and that gives me time to apologize. Time to make up for being such an asshat.

My chest tightens once again. What if she goes straight to her room, avoiding any further interaction with me?

But a few seconds later, Taya stands in the archway entrance of the living room in an oversized Edmonton Oilers sweatshirt and leggings. Who knew she was a hockey fan? Or maybe it isn’t her sweatshirt. The thing could fit me.

She hesitates, like she’s waiting for something. When I don’t move, she sighs and turns away.

“Wait! Do you want to watch this movie with me?”

Desperate. That’s how I sound. A real turn-on. No wonder she ran away.

“A movie sounds great right now.” She glances at the TV and her face lights up. “Ice Pirates? Nice choice. Do...” She clears her throat and tries again. “Mind if I join you on the couch?”

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