Page 55 of Issued

I should let it go while I’m ahead, but it’s like picking at a scab. “Why?”

“What?” Her tone is too casual, and I latch on to the hesitation.

“Why no serious relationships? Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

Including me.

“Too busy. Between college, work, searches and training, I barely had time to ride or hang out with friends. Dating took a back seat.”

Sounds familiar. Once I decided to join the military, any hope of a social life went out the window. I wasn’t interested in the trivial bullshit all my friends couldn’t seem to live without. I had a goal in mind, and I was going to achieve it. Lux was the only one who understood, and it was my interest in the armed forces that eventually stoked his own.

Thinking of Lux sends a fresh wave of grief through me, and I have to clear my throat before I can try and change the subject. “What about family?”

There’s an air of sadness to the way she lifts the corner of her mouth. “What about them?”

I take a bite of my sandwich to hide my wince. The question was intended to lighten my mood, not darken hers.

I swallow the bite that was just shy of too large. “You’ve told me about your mom, but you never talk about your dad. We’ve been living together for almost six months, and I don’t think I even know his name.”

Her lips twist, and her fingers clench so tightly around her plastic fork that it snaps in two. “I don’t know anything about your parents.” The words are a challenge, and I lean back against the trunk of the tree we’re stationed beside.

This is an old wound, and it only hurts a little when I say, “They’re both dead.”

She gasps, and I regret my automatic bluntness.

“I’m sorry.”

She reaches for me, and I squeeze her hand, my voice softening. “Don’t be. They died when I was fifteen.” It happened not long after Lux and I met, actually. Dad was driving drunk, again, and Ma just happened to be in the car. As had become the norm, I was with Lux and his mother the night it happened. I thought losing Dad would hurt, but it was a relief, not sadness, that greeted me at the news of his death. I saved all my tears for Ma. Thinking about it now makes my throat ache, and I box the sadness away in the dark where it lays beside my hurt over Lux. “I was raised on base by my uncle. He’s the reason I decided to join the military.”

She leaned forward eagerly. “What’s he like?”

When had I seen the old man last? I can’t remember. “Strict. No nonsense. He’s too old to fight, so he goes from state to state, lecturing at colleges and preaching to kids in ROTC about the virtues of listening to authority.”

“He sounds precious.”

A picture of Uncle James comes to mind. With his cigar and his penchant for telling dirty jokes. Like Martinez. Maybe that’s why I’ve put up with the moron for so long. Nudging her foot with my own, I lift my chin. “Your turn.”

“My father’s name is Phil.” She begins, and my heart twists as I catch sight of her fingers digging into the blanket as if searching for comfort. “He remarried after my mother died and eventually divorced the evil bitch.”

My eyes narrow. Taya is so bold and fierce that it’s hard to imagine her growing up with a woman who did nothing but talk down to her. Glad she’s not part of Taya’s life anymore because I’m convinced that the two of us wouldn’t have gotten along. “Any siblings?”

“No. Janice couldn’t have any kids, and by the time they found out, the marriage was already falling apart.” She chuckles, more bitterness than mirth to the sound. “It was for the best though. There was no one else to screw up but me.”

“You don’t seem all that screwed up to me.”

“Maybe you aren’t looking hard enough.”

There’s a bleakness in her eyes that hurts me deep inside. I want to dispel it but don’t know how. I hook my leg with hers and drag her closer. “Believe me, I’m looking plenty.” The vein in her neck flutters, and I want to calm it with my tongue. My fingers itch with the urge to smooth the frown lines between her eyebrows.

“What happened?” Her voice is unbearably sweet, considering the bomb she’s laying at my feet. “Why did you have to join the program?”

My mouth snaps shut and all the warmth in my chest turns to ice. I pull away and squint into the bright blue sky, avoiding her eyes. The sudden shift from affection to withdrawal is so pronounced that I’m shaking with it. “We should go.” I’m like a child, too flustered to think straight. “It looks like the weather is about to take a turn.”

Taya glances up, but I don’t need to look to know what she sees. A sky so blue it hurts and not a cloud in sight. “No, it doesn’t.” Her voice cracks with hurt. For once, I’m glad for the tell, and I don’t dare look to see if her expression matches. “Why won’t you share what happened?”

It’s agony to ignore her as I pack up the remaining food and sling the backpack over my shoulder. I’d rather Taya be angry with me than to know that I shot and killed a child. Somehow, I manage it without expression, though I sound gruffer than usual when I finally decide to speak. “Hurry up. I want to be back in town before it gets too bad out.”

I’m proud of my cool outer shell. I’m the only one who will ever know the chaos it hides. My phone vibrates wildly in my pocket, which doesn’t aide in calming Taya down.

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