Page 7 of Falling for Autumn Again

I know who he means. But I ignore the text because we’ve already had this conversation. Well, I ignore him for five whole seconds and then his question gets the best of me.

Me: Of course not. I don’t expect to. I’m here for work.

Phil: Are you sure?

I do ignore that text. In fact, I shut my phone down and toss it into my travel bag sitting on this dirty tiled floor.

I stare at myself in the small rectangular mirror, tighten my red tie, and give myself a pep talk. Sure, I don’t want to do this. But I’m going to. And it’s going to be fine because—

One—she’s moved. She’s gone. No way did Autumn Green stay in little Love, Wyoming. Also, despite what Phillip says, I did not come back here hoping that by some crazy miracle she’s still here. No, I did not.

Two—I’m here for the Linus’s. They were friends who always felt more like family. Speaking of family, I won’t have to see Dad at all. No matter that Dr. Appleby continues to tell me I’m a grownup now and it’ll be different, possibly even provide closure.

Three—as I am currently jobless and homeless, I’m pretty sure I have no other choice.I rather like eating. So a job and an income might be important.

“It’s just one job,” I say out loud. “One. And I owe the Linus’s. They were always so good to me. Like family.” Or at least, they were—ten years ago. I haven’t been back to Love since the day I left. Since the day Autumn told me she wasn’t coming with me and I needed to go.

So, I left the girl of my eighteen-year-old dreams and my alcoholic father behind. One was a little easier to leave than the other.

When it was clear that Autumn wouldn’t be answering my endless calls and texts, I thought I’d go crazy. So, I cut myself off from Love, Wyoming, and everyone within it. Even Don and Dessie. How could I keep in touch with them when Autumn was still there—still blocking me out without any kind of explanation? I mean, except of course that she no longer wanted me, which I didn’t believe, and that her father didn’t approve of me, which could have been true. I wouldn’t have blamed him for changing his mind. Still, if only I could have talked to Mr. Green. If I could have defended myself—I’d never end up like my father.Never. I’d treat Autumn right. I would have given him my word. But I couldn’t talk to him either. Cutting myself off turned out to be the only way to keep myself sane.

"She's moved on," I tell myself again—because I need to hearit. All she ever wanted was out of this small town. That is, until she thought her only option was getting out with me. And then the eighteen-year-old girl, who shoved my heart into a blender, turned it to puree, and then poured it down the disposal, opted to stay. But there's no way in Hades that the woman is still here.

I know Autumn Green—or at least I did. She wanted out of Love and to begin her life.

When the Linus’s found me and reached out for this job, the timing was too perfect. I’d left my firm months ago and I’d officially run out of money weeks ago. Which is when I moved in with Phil.

I’m good at what I do. But after dealing with a dirty company for years, my heart couldn’t jump right back into work. Not without careful research and consideration.

But it’s time. My bank account is screaming at me that it’s time. So is Phil’s wife.Silently. But I know Jamie Lynn is tired of me sleeping on her couch and taking up space in her living room.

So, I’m back in Love. Ready to work. Ready to see people I haven’t seen in a decade. I can do this—without getting hives.

At least, I hope I can.

“Too aggressive,” I say, staring at my red tie in the mirror.

Dessie said I’d be meeting with the project manager today to go over details—must-haves and location—just like the beginning of any project, sitting down with the client and listing all of their needs.

It’s nothing I haven’t done a dozen times. It’s nothing to get me all worked up.

And I’m not worked up.

I’m havingfeelings—at least, that’s what my therapist would say. Lorna Appleby would tell me emotions are just tremors in my body attempting to get my attention.Give them some attention, Ezra, and they’ll go away.

Only—I have no desire to give thesefeelingsan ounce ofattention. I’m fairly happy to shove them into the darkest, deepest closet, never to open the door again.

It’s what I’ve been doing for years when it comes to Autumn.

Dr. Appleby got me through a lot of hard times—my mother leaving, my father’s alcoholism and neglect. The one thing she couldn’t get me past was Autumn. I have too many unanswered questions to find closure. So I went a different route. The block-the-woman-from-your-life route—and it’s worked so far.

Until this very second—being in Love is bringing all those memories to the forefront.

I tug down on the knot of my favorite tie, pull it off, and toss it onto the gas station bathroom floor.

Yuck.Bad idea, Ezra.

Still, I’m going with the green. Much less aggressive.

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