Page 77 of The Light We Lost

“Indy.” Nolan’s voice seemed to change, but that could’ve been because I was holding my breath. “Just change positions—the goat will hop off.” It would. I’d seen it happen with every other classmate. Every time Nolan had moved, his goats had jumped off.

But I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed.

“Peaches?”

My chest squeezed, and something dropped onto my mat. It happened a second time, and I realized the bead of moisture was a tear. Good hell. I was crying at goat yoga.Get a grip on yourself, Indy. You’re embarrassing.But no matter how I fought, the tears fell. Deep down, I knew it was because I was terrified.

Terrified because I was on a date with Nolan, and I could literally feel my control slipping. I was unraveling, coming undone. What scared me most of all: I didn’t know what would be left of me once I was entirely unspooled.

I’d been running, running, running, but now I wasn’t. And everything was catching up, pressing in—

The weight on my back disappeared, and before I could fully register the goat had hopped off me, Nolan was in front of me. He lifted my hands to his chest, and I sat back, his knees encasing mine. We knelt together, and if anyone saw us, I didn’t know.

I only saw him.

He gave me a tender smile, and it was the kindness in his eyes, the rhythm of his heart beating beneath my palm that had me whisper, “I was so excited to do this . . . and I’m ruining it. I’m supposed to be having fun, and I’m crying instead.”

“Can I tell you something? Something you might not like?” he asked, and I sniffled, my insides clenching at what he might have to say. But I missed our honesty. Hell, I missed him.

Nodding, I prepared myself as Nolan raised his hand to my face. “I don’t know what’s going through that mind of yours, but I can see you’re panicking and wanting to run away.” He stroked his thumb over my cheek. “But all I’m thinking is . . . you’ve never looked more like yourself than you do right now. And nothing in me wants to run from you.”

A tear slid past my lashes, warm and full on my skin, a mirror to the emotion in my heart. I had no idea why, but every part of me believed Nolan. He must’ve seen that, felt that trust, as he then settled himself onto the grass, bringing me with him. His legs were stretched out, enveloping me as I sat between them. Ileaned back against his chest, and somewhere in the movement, our hands wove together.

Glancing around the field, I was surprised to see at least half of the class no longer doing yoga. Some cuddled the goats, laughing as they took pictures, and others simply lay beside them, relaxing. I looked to the instructor, but there wasn’t annoyance or judgment in her eyes, not even when she met my gaze.

No one cared what I was doing. No one cared. And that . . . that was a wonderful feeling.

Eventually, some of Nolan’s furry friends approached us, and I pressed back into him. “You’ll protect my hair?” I whispered, struggling to mask my nerves as one of the goats crawled onto my lap.

He wrapped his free arm around my stomach, pulling me in tight. “Indy, believe me, no one is as obsessed with your hair as I am.”

I chuckled, and soon I found myself relaxing, even running my fingers through the goat’s coat. It was quiet for a long while, and while I sensed class was about to end, I didn’t want to get up, unwilling to disturb the five goats nuzzled against us. “They love you,” Nolan murmured. “I don’t think they want you to leave.”

“It’s because of you. There’s something about you, your energy, that invites people in. It’s one of the best things about you. Why everyone loves you.”

I’d always known and loved that about him. There was something about him, something bright and beautiful, and people were drawn to it. Even now, I was drawn to it. Drawn to him.

I was so tired of staying away.

He hummed under his breath, then leaned down, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. “Funny. I always thought the best thing about me was my ass.”

Startled, I let out a laugh. Out of all the things he could’ve said, I hadn’t expected that. But I should’ve—it was the most on-brand comment. It was clear Nolan knew exactly what he was doing, as it wasn’t until we were halfway home that I realized he was still holding my hand.

I was right. Nolan wasn’t playing fair.

But I wasn’t sure I cared.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Nolan—Now

Iwas walking a fine line.

As I drove back into town, I knew I was edging over that invisible line. I was pushing too hard, asking too much. The sun was peeking beneath the tree line, a sign I’d already taken more than enough of Indy’s day. Both with speed dating and our actual date. Plus, she’d given me something worth more than her time.

She’d given me a piece of herself, a piece she’d stashed away and hidden. I didn’t quite understand what it was, or what had happened today, but I was close to uncovering it.

I wanted more.

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