Page 75 of The Light We Lost

“What the hell, peaches?” Nolan laughed, the corner of his eyes crinkling. “You’re supposed to tell me it’s hot. That’s what I told you.”

I gave him a slight smile, unable to deny there was joy in my heart. Nolan had only ever been mine. But while relief existed in me, there was something else too. Heartbreak. He still believed there was something about him, within him, worth hiding.

And I couldn’t help but fear I was still missing something. If Nolan hadn’t moved on, if he was as reluctant to find someone else as I was, then why had he asked for a divorce? Why had he broken our promise?

Deciding now wasn’t the time for that conversation, I said, “Fine. It’s hot that we’re both basically born-again virgins. So hot that maybe we should start dating—”

“Hell yeah—”

“—other people,” I finished, even if the thought made my stomach squirm.

Based on Nolan’s wide eyes, staring at me like I’d sprouted an extra head, I knew he wasn’t keen on the idea. “Did you not listen to what I just told you? I tried moving on, and it didn’t work.”

“No. You faked moving on.” I couldn’t lose my nerve. “And honestly, I never tried. Maybe that’s our problem. Maybe if we had tried to move on instead of living in the past, we wouldn’t both be alone right now. Maybe we’d be in love with someone new. You’d have a family—”

“Or it would confirm what I already know.”

I let out a laugh, shaking my head. “You’re impossible.”

I wasn’t going to win this. I could see it in the way he watched me, feel it in the way his fingers touched mine—Nolan was convinced I was it for him. But he was wrong. There was someone better out there for him. Someone who could give him what he wanted.

He had aspirations, desires for his life. He worked hard, both at woodworking and running the game shop. He had hopes of starting a family, creating a home full of laughter and joy. Even after everything, the pain and losses he’d endured, Nolan still had enough courage to reach for the stars.

As for me, I doubted the very ground I stood on. I wasn’t entirely sure I deserved to reach up and hope for more at all. I hadn’t let myself imagine a future, or at least one I truly desired, in so long.

“The town will talk,” I tried, assuming they were already spinning their stories after last night.

He snorted, seeing it for the halfhearted attempt it was. “They already are. We might as well be happy.”

My eyes burned. I’d once told him something similar. I’d been so young, inexperienced. But sometimes I’d do anything to go back to the fifteen-year-old I was then. I wished I had the bravery she did.

“I don’t know what you want from me.” My voice was a defeated whisper. “I’m leaving, Nolan. I keep telling you we have no future, but that only seems to encourage you more. So please tell me what you want, because I’m so confused.”

Despite my insistence, I didn’t resist when his hand covered mine. Wasn’t surprised I wove my fingers through his and held on tight. Because what I wanted and what I knew I should do were entirely different things.

“I’m not asking for your future,” Nolan said in a low voice, his gaze on our joined hands. “I’m not asking you to stay, or even give up your career. Come the end of the month, we’ll still sign the divorce papers.”

“Then what are you asking?” I asked, though I was beginning to understand.

He wasn’t asking for my future... but justright now? And then at the end of the month we’d still say goodbye?

He reached for me, and I held my breath, bracing for him to bring me in for a kiss. But he only caressed his fingers against my cheek, pushing a loose curl behind my ear. “Just give me a date.”

Chapter Thirty-Five

Indy—Now

Hand in hand, Nolan and I ran out of the community center, struggling to contain our laughter. “Keep on giggling, Indy.” He opened the passenger door of his truck, his hand on the small of my back as I climbed in. “I’m not going to protect you from those ladies when they come at you with their crochet hooks.”

“Protect me? Worry about yourself. Those women will eat you alive.” I buckled myself in as Nolan climbed into the driver’s seat. “Maybe we should go back inside. You might enjoy an older woman—”

“An older woman? Every single one of them in there was old enough to be my grandma. One asked me if I’d had my first colon screen—”

I laughed, so hard my stomach hurt as he pulled out of the parking lot like he couldn’t get away fast enough. It served him right. “Wow, how risqué of her. That’s at least a second date question—” I squealed, batting his hand as he tried to pinch me. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you have a pinching kink. You probably dream about little ol’ ladies dragging you by your ear.”

He groaned. “Never say that again.”

I chuckled, satisfied with myself. It was his own fault for thinking speed dating at the senior center was a good idea—as though the first time hadn’t beenexperience enough. “You missed our turn,” I said, realizing he’d taken a left and not a right out of the parking lot. “Wallowpine is the other direction.”

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