Page 71 of The Light We Lost

She bit her lip, and I readied myself for her to protest, but she only whispered, “I’m not worried about her. I—I can’t sleep without her.”

She glanced out the window, her breaths shallow. Her hands fidgeted in her lap, and something told me it wasn’t because she was sleeping at my place. Aware I was testing my luck, I reached for her hand, threading her fingers through mine. “That’s no problem at all. Let’s go get her. But just so you know, I won’t stand for Genny sleeping anywhere but in my bed. Our girl deserves nothing but the best.”

“But I just told you I can’t sleep without her.”

“Oh, that’s right.” I hummed under my breath before I snapped my fingers. “I think our only solution is you’ll have to sleep in my bed too. And before you tell me no, don’t worry. I was planning on sleeping on the couch tonight.”

She bit her bottom lip. “I hate to put you out.”

“It’s not putting me out if I want this.”

She gave me a small smile and looked at our joined hands on her lap. “You’re a good man.”

I forced a laugh, shaking my head before I pulled a U-turn and started back to her parents’ to grab Genny. A good man? I wasn’t sure about that. I was just trying to learn from my mistakes.

Later that night, as I lay awake in the living room as my wife and cat were sprawled out on my bed, I couldn’t help but realize how differently our lives would’ve turned out if I’d listened to my instincts, given up baseball, and gone home sooner.

ChapterThirty-Three

Indy—Then

There was a ticking time bomb beneath me.

But I was pretending it wasn’t there. I was oblivious to the world shaking beneath my feet, blissfully unaware one little misstep would send everything crumbling down. Everything was great.

Splendid. Perfect. Fantastic.

I rested my forehead against the cool porcelain, breathing in and out through my nose as I tried to ease my twisting gut. There was a tap on the bathroom door, and I sat up, blinking through the moisture in my eyes. I hadn’t thrown up, but I flushed the toilet before I stood, washing my hands at the sink. I glanced in the mirror, not surprised with what I found. My cheeks were flushed, my skin pale, and there were deep bags beneath my eyes.

It was game day.

We were halfway through the season, and it felt like everything had changed. Before, I’d lie awake on the eve of games, assuring Nolan how much I believed in him.

Now I’d lie awake and stare at the glowing stars on the ceiling, fearing how much longer until their light flickered out and fell.

I splashed cold water on my face before grabbing a Tylenol from the medicine cabinet, hoping it would ease my period cramps. They’d never hurt this bad before, but my period had been a few weeks late before I started this morning. Plus, my stomach always seemed to hurt on game day, so I’d bet my nerves were making it worse.

There was a tap on the bathroom door again. “Indy?”

I combed my fingers through my curls, frowning at the mess, then dabbed concealer beneath my eyes and blush on my cheeks, hoping it would bring some life to my face before I opened the door.

Nolan leaned against the wall across from the bathroom, his hands tucked in the pockets of his joggers. He wore his ball cap and warm-up jersey, his bag slung over his shoulder. “Are you walking to the field, or did you need me to drive you?” I asked.

“I don’t mind walking.”

There was alcohol on his breath.Always.

I smiled and slipped past him and reached into my purse, handing him a pack of gum.

“Thank you.” He put a piece in his mouth, stuffing the box into his bag. Before I could tell him good luck, he asked, “You’re coming to the game, right?”

It was a home game, and I was off today—where else would I be? “Of course,” I assured him anyway. It wasn’t until later, but Nolan was leaving now to warm up with the team. “I’ll head that way in a little bit.”

“So, I had an idea—” He cleared his throat, and I didn’t miss the hue of red skirting up his neck. “Would you want to go dancing? With me?”

My mouth parted. We hadn’t gone dancing in months. I’d gone a few times on my own, but I’d eventually stopped. It wasn’t as freeing anymore when it felt like each step could be my last. “You want to go dancing?”

“Yeah.” He gave me a breathless smile. “I found this line dancing place downtown. We could go tomorrow?”

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