Page 65 of The Light We Lost

“No.” I poked him in the chest. “You’re the one who’s making this more difficult than it has to be. I didn’t say you had to bare your soul to me, I just wanted to know what you would wish for. And right now? I’d really love endless Lucky Charms.”

He shook his head with a low laugh, strands of hair falling onto his forehead. “What if I don’t want to take the easy way out?”

He shifted, his knees brushing mine, and my heart pounded, quickening with every breath. I held his gaze, seeing the challenge there. He expected me to balk, retreat. But I stayed where I was, even when the tips of his fingers touched mine, holding on to the truth that in the end, Nolan and I always took the easy way out. “You can do whatever you want. It’s your wish.”

His throat bobbed, and his gaze left mine, falling to where our hands lay. “I’d wish for a simple life. A wife. Kids. A home that never felt empty.”

I didn’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that. His wish . . . He was right. It was simple. For most people, it was more of a checklist, something they assumed they’d accomplish eventually in life. But it was what he wanted most.

“You can have that, Nolan.” It hurt like hell to acknowledge that while it was too late for us, it wasn’t too late for him. “You deserve it. There’s no one better for the part.”

He huffed a laugh. “I thought you would’ve learned by now to stop putting so much faith in me.”

Anyone else might’ve been shocked to hear him admit something so defeated, but I wasn’t. “No. If anything, I should’ve had more faith in you.” I put my fingers over his, his skin rough against mine. “Maybe if I had, our lives would’ve turned out differently.”

I was positive it would have. If I’d put more faith in him, if we’d held on instead of letting go and faced our problems together, I was confident our lives would’ve played out differently. I’d accepted that.

Just like I’d accepted there was nothing we could change about it now.

“If you really want that life, I don’t see why you can’t have it.” I squeezed his fingers, meaning every word. “Whether you want the big house and the bombshell wife who pops out beautiful twins when she sneezes—or something simpler than that—you can have it.”

The corner of his mouth tilted up. “It’s not that easy. We’re not meant to get everything we want in life.”

“Bullshit.” Nolan raised his brows, as though surprised by my insistence. He’d given up enough—why didn’t he deserve this? “What happened to nomore holding back? To not letting life decide for us and instead taking what we want?”

“I can’t.”

I rolled onto my knees, crossing my arms over my chest. “Why not?”

He groaned, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “Because once I start, I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop.”

“So?” I asked, not understanding in the slightest.

He lowered his hand, his gaze slowly drifting over my face, and murmured, “You have wildflowers in your hair.”

I looked down, and sure enough, there were broken flower petals and a few stickers, similar to the ones I’d plucked out of Genny’s fur. I lifted my hand to brush them away, but his fingers touched mine, stopping me. My stomach fluttered, and I was frozen as he shifted onto his knees. “Let me.”

I didn’t protest, deciding it was shock that had me doing so. He reached for me, his fingers skating through the ends of my hair as he cleared the petals away.

“There’s some on your neck.” He said it quietly, almost to himself, but his gaze flicked to mine, and I thought I might drown in the need I saw there.

I didn’t understand it, but I gave him a quick tip of my chin, not trusting my voice.

Silently, almost reverently, he caressed the side of my neck, his gaze trailing his hand. If he noticed my breaths were short pants, he paid them no heed and cupped the back of my head.

“Nolan?” My voice was wobbly. “What are you doing?”

His fingers curled deeper into my hair, soft enough that if I wanted to stop him, I could. He watched me, carefully gauging my reaction. Whatever he saw gave him the courage to raise his other hand to my face. His thumb soothed over my cheek, once, twice. “I’m taking what I want.”

Chapter Thirty-One

Indy—Now

Nolan’s words grazed my mouth as his lips did, smooth and tender. I parted mine, welcoming the touch. He kissed me slowly, thoroughly. Like he had all the time in the world and was savoring me.

But then he pulled back, the kiss over before it had truly begun. He rested his forehead against mine, his breath feathering over my cheek. Maybe it was because he was as breathless as I was, or maybe it was the way he clutched me as tightly as I did him, but I murmured, “Why’d you stop?”

He let out a low curse before his lips were on mine again. Before he’d kissed me with patience, as though testing the waters to see what I wanted. All of that caution was gone, replaced with urgent need.

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