Page 62 of The Light We Lost

I opened my mouth, my throat parched at what he was insinuating. “I can do it.”

He raised a brow, his hair mussed and falling in his eyes. “You can’t reach your back. Let me do it.”

My cheeks burned, and I hoped Nolan would think it was the sunburn. In the grand scheme of things, letting him rub aloe vera on my back wasn’t a big deal. It was just my back. But I’d just been ogling his—oh good hell, Indy. Get it together.

Without another thought, I turned, steeling myself for his touch. It was quiet, nothing but the sound of our breaths and him lathering the gel onto his hands. The longer I waited, the hotter my skin grew. Just when I thought I might prefer third-degree burns, his hands touched my shoulders.

I sighed at the immediate relief as he rubbed the gel into my skin. Not wanting to get my hair wet, I’d thrown it up and changed into a tank top before I went out on the lake, but clearly that had been a mistake.

“You got something against sunblock?” he teased as his fingers grazed my neck, careful with the loose strands of hair there.

“I didn’t think about it.”

His voice was a low murmur. “You’re always thinking of everyone else. Never yourself.”

I dropped my gaze to my feet, my mind drifting back to what Jake had shared with me. How Nolan helped him in a way no one else had. All these years,I thought I’d failed Nolan. Failed him when I should’ve saved him. But now, as he lifted the straps of my top with painstaking gentleness and soothed my aggravated skin, I realized he was so much more than that.

If we hadn’t run from one another... if our love hadn’t been drowned in despair, would he have given me the same solace he’d given Jake? Would I have remained in that endless darkness forever, or would he have eventually found me in it? Would we have found our way back together?

I supposed it didn’t matter. In a few weeks, we’d sign our divorce papers and say goodbye. But sometimes, I hoped... No. I couldn’t let my mind go there.

It hurt too much.

Chapter Thirty

Indy—Now

Iwas 3,000 percent sure there was a skunk slinking through the grass not even fifteen feet from me. But I wouldn’t let that deter me.

This moment, this view . . . it wasn’t worth passing up.

I lay on the forest floor, pebbles and grass against my back as I stared at the sky. The night was clear and the moon was bright, scattered stars visible through the treetops. After dinner, I’d taken Genny on a walk, most of which she’d spent rolling on her back in the wildflowers. I’d picked stickers out of her fur for a good half hour before I’d taken her back to the camper. Instead of staying inside with her, I found myself returning to Genny’s patch, wondering if she’d been onto something.

Aware I’d need to go inside soon, I lay there quietly, earnestly soaking it up. When I first moved to New York, I’d leaned out my window one time to glance at the stars. But my view was obstructed, and the city lights overshadowed them, and I’d never looked again. When I’d lived in Ohio for college it had been better, but it wasn’t the same as Arizona.

Out here, with nothing in the way, I could see them clearly.

A lot was appearing more clearly than it had before.

It scared me. Scared me to sense the ground beneath me was shifting, not knowing if it was going to give in or not.

Despite the sweater I wore, the rocks beneath me were irritating my sunburn, and I was considering calling it quits just as I heard the sure sound of snapping wood behind me. “I brought you a blanket.”

I shifted onto my side to find Nolan a few feet away, a jean quilt in his hand. “Thank you.” There was nothing more to say, but I felt like I owed him more than that. After lathering me in aloe vera, he’d been quiet most of dinner, listening as I filled Jake in on the fundraiser. To no surprise, Jake donated and even gave me the number of a friend who might be willing to loan us his Ferris wheel for the event. “It’s not yours, right?” I asked, not wanting to make it dirty if it was. He was already sleeping in the bed of his truck.

He shook his head. “Found it tucked away in a cabinet in the camper. I even shook it out to make sure there weren’t spiders in it.”

I rolled to my knees and reached for the blanket. “Is Genny okay?”

“Yup. When I left, she was passed out beside Jake while he watchedYellowstone.” I nodded, deciding to spend a few more minutes outside. “You need me to bring you a jacket?” he asked, even though the air was fairly warm.

I shook my head, pushing past the fluttering butterflies in my gut. “You can stay . . . if you want.”

Nolan raised his brow, his lips twitching with a grin like the cocky son of a gun I knew he was. “You asking me to watch the stars with you, peaches?”

My stomach squirmed even more, and I wondered if he was thinking of not only all the times we’d done this as kids, but when he’d stuck stars on our ceiling. “I’m asking if you’ll stay out here and act as bear bait so I can keep an eye out for shooting stars.”

He let out a low laugh and grabbed two corners of the quilt and spread it out with me. Satisfied with our work, I lay on one end, assuming he’d take the other.

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