Page 21 of The Light We Lost

I raised my brows. It was admirable he wanted to be honest with his family. There was no way in hell I was telling mine. “Okay, I think that’s good for now. If there’s anything either of us wants to add, we can let the other know.” A wave of nausea rushed through me as I fully grasped what we were doing. Wanting to lessen the severity, I muttered, “If you were smart, you would’ve mentioned the money first. Would’ve saved you some time in trying to convince me.”

The corner of his mouth ticked up, and I could see by the glint in his eyes he was curious if I meant that or not. Thankfully, he didn’t press it. “Wasn’t too sure I wanted to share.”

I let out a low laugh, shaking my head. Asshole.

Before I could chide something back, Nolan asked, “So, do we have a deal?”

I bit my lip, hesitation on the tip of my tongue. Logic screamed I should get the hell out of dodge and away from Nolan Graham. But I shoved it down. I’d survived him before—I could do it again.

“I’m only here for a month.” My voice was breathless. “After that, I’m gone. I can’t give you more time than that.”

I’d already given him too much.

“That’s all the time I need.”

Needing to clear myself of this situation, I was taking a step toward the diner when Nolan put his hand on my wrist. His touch was gone just as quickly as it came, but it was enough to make me stop.

I held my breath, and I was certain he did the same as we eyed one another like we were waiting for the other to strike. It was reckless, what we were doing. It would only cause more trouble than good.

But neither of us voiced that. Nolan held out his hand, and I gave him mine, promising myself I wouldn’t give him anything more when he said, “One month. To say goodbye, once and for all.”

Chapter Nine

Nolan—Then

There were only a handful of things that felt like home.

Things that helped quiet the outside noise, helped me focus solely on where I was.

And red dirt beneath my cleats, my fingers gripping the stitch, was one of them.

On one knee, I stretched my arm back before I brought it forward and tossed the ball to the catcher, allowing the momentum to bring me to my feet. Glove ready, I caught the ball when the catcher threw it back and dropped to my knee, continuing the motion. Eight pitchers followed the same drill, nothing but the sweet sound of the ball hitting leather filling the bullpen.

It was the fall semester at Arizona Canyon University—more importantly, it was the preseason for baseball. Our team was the Arizona Rattlesnakes. Official practices and games wouldn’t start until after the new year, but the coaches weren’t wasting any time kicking our asses into shape. The first week, hell week—a week to weed out those who couldn’t mentally and physically hang—was brutal and enough to make me question my sanity, but I’d made it through, alongside thirty other players on the roster. It had been a whirlwind,moving to the city, adapting to a rigorous schedule, on top of trying to find my place on a new team. But one thing remained constant.

I loved to play ball.

“You’re taking something. There’s no way you aren’t,” Dalton wheezed, his voice ragged as we finished our last lap around the baseball diamond. “If I made you pee right now, I’m positive it would be dirty with roids.”

I smiled, my lungs burning as I slowed my breaths. “I don’t think steroids make you faster.” Even if they did, I wouldn’t take them. No way I’d risk losing my scholarship.

“Yeah? Ask your wife if she put something in that chicken sandwich she made you—I bet you anything she juiced it up.”

“It probably has something to do with me not staying up until four in the morning eating ramen,” I taunted, dodging him as he tried to put me in a headlock. Like me, Dalton was a freshman and one of my closest friends on the team. We’d bonded after being hazed by the upperclassman—an experience we vowed never to speak of again.

“I bet she puts a secret ingredient in it, all right.” Gabriel, a senior, slung his arm around our shoulders. He paused, building the anticipation before he said in a mock whisper, “Love.”

The guys around us laughed, and I did too, swatting the hat off Dalton’s head as he said, “Maybe we should all get a wife.”

“I don’t think you’re allowed to marry your mom—” I grunted, doubling over as Dalton jabbed his elbow into my gut. I delivered one back before we joined the rest of the team, waiting for Coach to dismiss us for the day. I hadn’t known how it would be, starting with a new team, but it was better than I’d imagined. There was nothing like being around like-minded individuals who had a deep love for the game.

Eager to leave, I jogged to the dugout after Coach released the team, telling us he’d see us at early morning weights. “You going out with us tonight?” Dalton asked, packing his bag. “Or does the Mrs. Nolan Graham want you home?”

I’d learned my first day being the only married player on the team would result in endless jokes and jabs, but I didn’t care as long they kept Indy out of it. “I’m going home.” I was so ready to see her. “You should too.”

He waved me off. “It’s the offseason—the coaches don’t care if we go out.”

The university had a strict no-tolerance policy, so I doubted that, but I wasn’t going to disagree with him. Wife or not, I didn’t want to go out. Even though he shared my passion for baseball, and a hope of someday going pro, Dalton’s devotion was different from mine. Not in a bad way—he was dedicated and worked hard—but he figured since we couldn’t be drafted until our junior year or we turned twenty-one, he might as well live it up now.

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