Page 59 of The Light We Lost

Heat crawled up my ears, and Jake grinned, his gap-toothed smile telling me he knew he was full of it. But I deserved it.Indy Tyler—you are a damn fool.I had no business even dreaming about kissing my soon-to-be ex-husband. I swore even Genny was giving me the stink eye.

“I had something in my eye.” I cleared my throat, deciding it had been a momentary lapse in judgment. “Nolan was helping me get it out. Nothing was going on.”

“Makes sense,” Jake told me. “Why else would Nolan look like he was in physical pain? I bet it drove him wild to see an eyelash in your eye.”

Nolan chuckled, not bothering to confirm or deny his theory.

Jake must’ve realized neither of us were going to peep a word about what almost went down. “It’s good to see ya, Indy.”

I smiled, any lingering embarrassment replaced with the fact I was seeing Jake. He wore jeans and a raggedy flannel, his frame thin. His skin was wrinkled, his hair gray and fine, physical proof of how much he’d aged. But as I peered into those gray-blue eyes, I could see something that hadn’t changed. He was still good. “It’s great to see you. I . . . I missed you.”

“Me too, kiddo. Me too.” If I looked close enough, I thought there might’ve been emotion in his eyes. He patted the side of the door. “Alright. Assuming you’re still sharing the camper with me, why don’t we get you settled inside? And don’t you worry, I’ve got a lock on the camper. Nothing is going to get you.”

“Hear that, city girl?” Nolan teased as we climbed out of the truck and opened the back doors. “There’s nothing for you to be afraid of. Unless a raccoon figures out how to pick a lock.”

I glared at him, wanting to wipe that smug look off his face. Luckily, Jake did it for me. “Oh, I wasn’t talking about a wild animal. Why would Indy be afraid of that? I meant she didn’t have to worry about any crazy husbands sneaking in at night.”

I laughed when Nolan muttered a curse beneath his breath. Satisfied, I hooked Genny’s leash to my arm and cradled her to my chest before grabbing my bag and following Jake to the trailer. I was halfway there when Nolan fell into step beside me. His voice was quiet, but I felt it down to my core. “Would you let me in if I asked, Indy?”

I kept my gaze on the forest floor, not bothering to respond. Despite the boundaries I’d fought to keep in place, in one week, Nolan had somehow seeped back into my life. The fact I was here with him spoke truth to that. With every passing day, he made another notch against the walls I’d built. Soon, he’d seeeverything I’d hidden and I’d be forced to face my biggest shame. I’d have to relive the gut-wrenching misery and pain that had torn us apart.

I wasn’t afraid of the agony that was sure to come. It was a part of me; I carried the past with me daily. But I was afraid Nolan would make me feel something thathurtin a different way. Afraid he’d make me desire and hope for something out of reach.

But then I’d leave. He’d stay here.

And I’d be left alone in the aftermath, again.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Nolan—Now

This would be considered a picture-perfect moment.

The sun was high, hidden behind a thin layer of clouds. The temperature was perfect, warm and toasty with a faint breeze. Jake was knee-deep in the lake, and I sat on the beach, whittling.

Or at least, it would’ve been a picture-perfect moment were it not for Jake’s poor attitude.

I waited until his tenth heavy sigh before I said, “If you’ve got something to say, just say it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“No?” I set my knife down atop the sand. “Then why have you been groaning for the past hour? You trying to pass a kidney stone?”

He flipped me off, and I’d bet the only reason he didn’t try to make me eat my words was so he didn’t startle the fish. “Why don’t you tell me why you’ve been with me all morning instead of spending time with your wife?”

Wishing I’d kept my mouth shut, I picked up my knife and set it against my wood block. I rough-cut into it, letting myself get a few strokes in before I said, “This is what we always do. I don’t know why you’re complaining.”

“Yeah. But Indy’s here.”

She was, and that was saying a lot. We weren’t on private property, it was open to anyone, but I’d only ever spent time here with Jake. We’d come separately, or occasionally together, but always when the world was a little too loud, and a whole lot of heavy. It was a haven of sorts, a place to just be. I’d had several places like that growing up. Dad had given us one. I’d gone there a time or two as an adult, but I tried to only go when I was feeling good, steady. It felt like I was tainting it otherwise.

It was why Indy was across the field and I was over here.

“How much more time are you going to waste?” Jake pressed. “Don’t you think it's been long enough?”

I clenched my jaw, regretting how comfortable he had gotten calling me out. The only plus side was I got to return the favor. “What exactly are you expecting me to do?”

He shrugged like the answer was obvious. “Stop being a jackass and win her back.”

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