Page 51 of The Light We Lost

She set a hand on her hip. “I thought you were here to help with the diner?”

“I’ve been here all day . . .” I trailed off. Where was this coming from? “If you’re worried I’ll have to leave for New York again, I don’t. I’ll be here when you come home—”

“Look,” she began, impatience thick in her tone. “It’s great you wanted to help—I appreciate it. But while we’re gone, your dad and I don’t need more stress. So if the real reason you came down was to run around with Nolan Graham for a month, I’d rather you go home now.”

I froze, dread building in my stomach. “I’m not running with Nolan, Mama.”

“No?” She cocked a brow. “Then what’s this about you two flying across the country and going to a baseball game? I had two friends call and let me know they saw you on television. And Suzie Mayfield told me she saw you two driving through town real late last night.”

I let out a heavy sigh, feeling like I was a teenager getting scolded by my mom. She might still be my mom, but I wasn’t a child anymore. Choosing my words carefully, I said, “There’s nothing going on with Nolan and me. We’re allowed to be . . . friends.” She let out a curt laugh, taking a bit of my composure with it. I hadn’t expected her to be thrilled we were spending time together, but I’d thought she’d accept it. I mean, Dad was the one who’d suggested it. “We might not have worked out as a couple, but Nolan is a good person—”

“He is a good person, Indy.” Then what was the problem? Before I could ask, or even remind her she’d always had something against him, she said, “Indy, I love you—you know I do. And I know you didn’t want to listen to me before, but I hope you’ll listen this time. You might think you can just pick up and move on after your mistakes, but that doesn’t undo the damage already done. You weren’t here to see it, but the rest of us saw the way Nolan struggled to pick himself up after you left him. You’re right, he is a good man. And I’d hate to see him lose that because you felt like revisiting the past.” Her voice was quiet. Could she hear my heart breaking? “You’ve already built a new life, Indy. It’s time to let him go. He’s lost enough already.”

I sucked in a breath, feeling like everything in me was caving in—the false hope I’d built, believing things could be different for Mom and me. But there was no way, not if she refused to see me. The real me, not the one I’d chipped away at for years, forming into what I thought she needed. When Nolan and I split, I’d never felt more alone in my life. I was desperate for someone to hold me and promise everything was going to be okay. I ached to come home, but I wouldn’t let myself. Not until I’d made something of myself.

I was only now realizing I’d never be able to come home.

Mom was never going to acknowledge how much I’d lost. How much Nolan and I had lost, not only separately, but as a couple. Nothing I’d ever done was enough. Not for her. Not for this town. And certainly not for Nolan.

So what had I done all this for?

ChapterTwenty-Five

Indy—Then

Ileaned forward in the stadium chair, heart rampant in my chest. My nails were gnawed down to nubs, and as I glanced at the fans beside me, their expressions tense but excited, I knew they were a jumble of nerves too.

It was the top of the ninth inning. There was one out, with batters on first and second. We were the home team, leading with a tight score of one-zero, and Nolan was on the mound. He’d pitched since his debut, but they’d all been away games, so I hadn’t seen him play since opening weekend.

“He’s feeling hot tonight.”

“I should’ve brought my radar gun. I bet you he’s throwing in the high nineties.”

“It’s those country boys, man. Homegrown on cornbread and mashed potatoes.”

A few weeks ago, my chest would’ve warmed to hear Nolan getting the praise he deserved. I would’ve joined in. Agreed he was playing one of the best games of his young career. But I stayed silent. Perhaps because I knew more than they did.

I was torn. Confused.

Nolan struck out the batter. “Yes!” I jumped out of the chair, clapping. “Atta baby! One to go!”

But no matter how lost I was, I loved Nolan.

I high-fived the fans around me, a mixture of the team’s family and school alumni. Grabbing my phone, I texted Wayne, updating him on how his son was playing. He’d planned on coming, but a pipe burst at the shop and he’d had to stay in Wallowpine.

I hadn’t decided if I was relieved or not.

I clutched the hand of the woman beside me, the mom of one of Nolan’s teammates, holding my breath as he threw another pitch. With us being the home team, we got last at bat, so it wasn’t the end of the world if the other team scored.

But it sure as hell would feel good if they didn’t.

The count was two-two, and the stands were silent, quiet enough to hear a pin drop. My pulse pounded in my ears, and despite my uncertainty, deep pride washed through me as I watched Nolan. He stood with two feet on the mound, his attention focused solely on whatever call the catcher was giving him. He’d shaken off the call twice before he nodded, and with a deep breath, he started his windup.

In one fluid motion, he pivoted and raised his left leg and stepped forward, his throwing arm extended behind him as he rotated it around and sent the ball hard and fast toward home plate.

The fans roared in victory as the batter swung and missed, ending the game. I screamed, lungs burning as I jumped up and down, managing to keep an eye on Nolan. He walked off the field, cool and composed, like it wasn’t a big deal he’d closed out a hard game. But when I saw the flicker of a grin on his lips, I knew he felt the win.

I just wish it hadn’t been this way.

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