Page 40 of The Light We Lost

It was between the fifth and sixth innings, the Falcons were now up six runs after Calder Rohan hit a home run, and I couldn’t wait for the game to be over, mostly so I didn’t have to listen to Indy fawn over Levi.

“These are amazing.” She seemed to be in awe as she swiped through what looked like pictures of his art on his phone. “I bet they’re even better in person.”

“You should come to one of my art shows,” Levi offered. “My school isn’t hosting one for another month, but you’ll be back in New York by then, won’t you?”

I’d never hated Levi living in Boston more than I did now.

“Yeah. Text me the dates, and I’ll try to make it work.”

She handed him his phone, and something in me clenched at the sight of her smile. An hour ago, I would’ve done anything for one of those—now I’d do anything to make her stop. Deciding that if I was going to be a jealous prick, I might as well have overpriced concession stand food, I started to stand, just as cheers erupted around us.

I glanced at the field. We were between innings—what was the uproar for? Indy cursed, and strangers’ hands jabbed at my shoulders, and it was then I looked up and realized what the fuss was about. Across the field, the three of us were on the jumbotron. Any other time, I would’ve been thrilled.

Except it was a kiss cam.

Indy was pale as a ghost, frozen between Levi and me. Time seemed to slow, and I met Levi’s gaze over the top of her head. His eyes were wide, and hewas nodding toward her, as though telling me to make a move.Kiss, kiss, kiss, the crowd chanted. My heart was pounding, my fingers clammy, like I was a fifteen-year-old boy about to kiss his crush.

But this wasn’t a crush . . . this was Indy.

She met my gaze, and I could see the silent question there. But there was fear and panic too, a reminder of how badly I’d screwed up. Of all the times I’d hurt her, broken my word. And even knowing that, Indy had agreed to give me somewhat of a second chance, a chance to find peace. No matter how enticing and lush her lips looked, I was haunted by our agreement. She’d asked me not to touch her, kiss her.

Before I could form a decision, even take a breath, Indy made the choice for me. She spun in her seat, but it wasn’t me she faced. And it sure as hell wasn’t me she kissed.

My stomach twisted, and I was left to helplessly watch as Indy kissed Levi. I’d barely call it a kiss. It was on his cheek and over before it even started, but I’d torture myself with the image for the rest of my life. I forced myself to smile, to clap and cheer, because in the end, I had no one to blame but myself.

Chapter Eighteen

Indy—Now

The Falcons had won.

We’d left the stadium an hour ago, but I swore the cheers were still echoing in my ears. The fans had been so loud, so rowdy, you would’ve thought it was them who’d won. It had been a good game, and since the agency represented a few of the players on the Falcons, I should have been excited for the win. And I was.

But I hadn’t won a single thing.

“I’m going to get something to drink,” Levi shouted over the music, the club strobe lights casting a blue hue on his skin as he climbed out of the booth. “You sure you don’t want anything?”

“I’m okay, thanks,” I told him, feeling guilty when Nolan didn’t follow him to the bar and stayed in the booth with me. I shouldn’t have accepted Levi’s offer to go to a club and celebrate. But one look at Nolan and his somber expression had me agreeing. Inviting Levi to the game had been a spur-of-the-moment decision. I thought he’d be a good buffer, and it’d been something of a peace offering to Nolan, knowing how much he adored his little brother.

Then why did it feel like I’d done something wrong?

“Don’t feel like you can’t drink just because I’m here.” Maybe something I’d said last night was holding him back. “I don’t mind.”

His gaze was on the table as he smiled to himself. “Nothing I’m trying to hide from tonight.”

I forced a dry laugh, even though there was nothing funny about it. “Well, thank you,” I mumbled, not sure if he could hear me over the music. “I’ll take it as a compliment that you can be around me without needing to be plastered.”

“I told you I haven’t found anything strong enough to kick you yet, peaches.”

My eye twitched—I despised that ridiculous nickname. “Suit yourself. I’m getting a drink.”

I shifted out of the booth, stopping when Nolan looped his fingers around my wrist. His calluses were rough, but his hands were warm and careful. “Be here with me.”

I swallowed hard, understanding. He wanted me to be here, truly here. No intoxication, no hiding. He was asking too much. “I’m just having one beer.” I slipped out of his hold, grateful he didn’t protest. He might be strong enough to be around me without a drink—or boundaries and walls—but I wasn’t. He was already making me want things I’d long left behind.

After shoving my way through the herd of sweaty people, most of them wearing Hawks or Falcons T-shirts, I found Levi at the bar. But instead of ordering a drink, I said, “I’m going to head out.”

He glanced at Nolan, likely assuming his brother was the reason for my sudden departure. “Alright. But before you go, I figured out how you can make it up to me for pretending I stopped existing just because my brother’s an idiot.”

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