Page 29 of The Light We Lost

Lisa might’ve said something back, but I was too focused on Nolan to hear what she said. Time seemed to slow, and I wasn’t sure I was breathing as I waited for him to respond. But he only stood there, doing nothing. His silence felt like a knife wedged in my back. The group shared a laugh, and I had no idea how long I stood there in a crowd of friends-turned-strangers until Nolan’s gaze met mine.

Hurt raced through me. Not because of what Bethany had said, or because everyone seemed to agree. This town had had a front-row seat to Nolan and me falling in love. When we’d moved away with nothing but a dream and each other. Just the same, they were here when everything crumbled. When only one of us moved back and the other ran away. But they hadn’t beenthere. They hadn’t experienced the gut-wrenching devastation we had. In a way, maybe they were right to be angry and hesitant to trust me. They didn’t know the full story.

But Nolan had been there. He’d lived it beside me.

I put on a straight face and raised my glass to him.You win, I silently told him before setting the glass down and leaving. I slipped outside and into the lot, muttering a low curse when I remembered I’d walked here. I hadn’t known if Nolan would be sober to drive his own truck home.

Eyes burning, I let out a shaky laugh. All these years between us, and I was still trying to take care of someone who didn’t give a shit about me. Steeling myself with the reminder I’d walked home at night plenty of times before, I started across the street. It was dark, the moon hidden behind a coat of clouds. Town was quiet, most of the businesses closed for the night. A handful of streetlamps lined the road, their light giving off a faint warm hue. Gravel crunched beneath my shoes, mixing with the sound of my heavy breaths and the fading music coming from the bar.

I was halfway across the road when a hand grabbed my wrist. “No.” I twisted out of his hold, hating that I’d known who it was without a single look. “Go back inside, Nolan.”

“Where are you going?” he asked, trailing me. “Did Heath say something to you? What happened—”

“Oh, come on.” I spun on my heel and faced him in the middle of the street, grateful we didn’t have an audience. “Don’t pretend with me. You know what I heard in there, and you did nothing to stop it.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Nolan gave me a wide-eyed look, waving a hand in the direction of the bar. “Do you want me to tell Bethany she’s as spiteful and jealous of you as she was in high school? What good would that have done?”

“You could’ve said something!”

“Yeah? Sort of like what you said to Sam? What the hell was that?”

How was that relevant at all? “Sam was being a prick, but okay—I’m at fault for having your back.”

“We’re not a team anymore. It’s not your responsibility to have my back,” he spat. “You don’t have to take care of me. That’s the last thing I want.”

I staggered back a step, as though his words had been a physical blow. But I didn’t blame him. It was my fault for agreeing to this arrangement, for thinking Nolan and I could ever work together amicably again.

“You’re right. We’re not a team.” My voice was dry. “But I thought you at least respected me and what we shared enough to defend me. But it’s my fault for being surprised you didn’t. Hell, I’m sure the reason you’re buying the bar is so you have a place to bullshit about me every weekend.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, not denying or admitting if he was buying Heath’s place. “You have never needed me to defend you, Indy.”

“You’re right.” I prayed he couldn’t hear the shake in my voice. “I just needed you to stand beside me. I needed you to saysomething.”

It fell quiet, nothing but the sound of the mountain breeze shifting through the trees and crickets chirping. It was a sound I used to cherish. Used to long for at nights in college and even New York, desperate for some peace and quiet. But this silence was thick, suffocating.

And it was all too familiar.

Nolan watched me with solemn eyes, his chest rising with heavy breaths. His throat bobbed, and when he opened his mouth, something in me warmed, as though readying to hear what I would’ve begged him to say years ago. But thathope flickered out when he only said, “You shouldn’t be walking alone this late. Let me drive you to your parents’.”

Eyes burning, I waved him off and walked away. I hadn’t seen Nolan drink, so maybe there was nothing physically influencing his ability to drive safely. But just because his words weren’t slurred and his movements were steady didn’t mean I could trust him.

I wasn’t sure I could trust him at all.

Chapter Thirteen

Nolan—Now

Iunbuckled my seatbelt and leaned back against my seat, the sound of leather crinkling filling the cab of my truck. Keeping the engine running, I switched off the headlights, the evening light just enough I could make out the house thirty feet from me. I pushed the lock on my truck door, as though to stop me from stalking up to Seth and Lila’s home, pounding on the front door, and demanding Indy come outside and finish the argument we’d started at the bar.

I needed you to say something.

I couldn’t blame my silence on being caught off guard or not entirely knowing what to say. Even now, as I stared up at Indy’s childhood window, I could taste the words on the tip of my tongue. They’d been choking me for almost a decade.

But tonight, when Indy walked away from me yet again, I couldn’t bring myself to say them. Instead, after several failed attempts to coax her into my truck, I’d followed her back to her parents’ place, ensuring she made it safely.

Like that could wash away all the times I’d failed her before.

I didn’t know what I’d been thinking tonight. No, that wasn’t true. I’d known damn well what I was doing. I’d thought one look at Indy in her element and everyone would fall at her feet. She’d dance and they’d beg to join her. She’dlaugh and toss back drinks, and they’d want a taste of whatever she was having. She’d have a good time, and soon enough, everyone would forget about the past.

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