Page 19 of The Light We Lost

“I had something else I wanted to propose.”

He stepped toward me and leaned in real close. Close enough I could see the faint stubble on his jawline, taste the mint lining his warm breath. Close enough I could see he was anything but drunk. Except there was no way he was sober when he said, “How about you stay married to me instead?”

Chapter Eight

Indy—Now

Belly aching, I doubled over in a laugh. I hadn’t laughed this hard in . . . well, the last time Nolan made me laugh. I shook my head, struggling to catch my breath as I straightened up. I glanced at him, expecting him to join me. But he only watched me with a calm, calculated smile.

I stepped back, afraid he might be half serious. I looked over my shoulder, and after ensuring there was nothing but us and tumbleweeds in the alley behind the diner, I stammered, “You want to stay married?”

He dipped his chin. “I do.”

I gawked at him, wondering if whatever had infected his brain was contagious. “No.” I shook my head, refusing to let the idea take root. “You had your chance and you didn’t want it. It’s too late to fix things. You don’t get to just decide you want to be with me—”

“I don’t want to be with you.”

Despite myself, I winced. I didn’t want to be with him either, but I wasn’t shouting it from the rooftops. Nolan must’ve seen my hurt as he added, “If we can agree on anything, it’s that it’s too late for us . . . but maybe it’s not too late to fix a few things.”

I took another step away, my back hitting the building. “I don’t understand.”

His throat bobbed, and I swore his fingers shook before he tucked them into the pockets of his jeans. “Sorry. You know I’m shit for planning. I guess what I meant to say is: I don’t want to get divorced.Yet.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Well, when’s convenient for you? I’m booked for the rest of the weekend, but I might be free on Wednesday.”

“If you’d let me talk, I’ll tell you.” He raised a brow, his lips twitching as I glowered at him. “I might be a fool, but I don’t actually think we can save our marriage. But seeing as you’re going to be here for a month, I thought it might be an opportunity to fix some damage. Maybe become friends—”

“Why?” I pressed, not really looking for an answer. “You never wanted to be friends before. Years went by, and I never heard a word from you.” To be fair, I hadn’t tried to talk to him either, but I wasn’t the crazy one suggesting we stay married. “Why now? Why drag this on?”

Nolan stared at me, and if he was surprised by my bluntness, that was his own fault. He’d known who I was when he married me. “Wouldn’t it be nice if you didn’t feel like you had to avoid me and you could come home to see your parents every now and then?”

“Despite what you believe, my choice in not coming home has nothing to do with you. My world doesn’t revolve around you anymore.”

He let out a low laugh, and the look in his eyes told me I was driving him insane. “I’m not signing those divorce papers.”

“Fine.” I shoved the papers against his chest and into his arms. I’d make another copy—he could stick these up his butt. “Having you sign was just a formality. You can’t actually stop me from divorcing you, moron.”

He crammed the papers into his back pocket. “You can’t.”

“Why can’t I?” I had no intention of listening, but if Nolan wanted to string this along, I deserved to know why. “Why are you doing this? Why can’t you let me go—”

“I need to do this for my dad!”

I opened and closed my mouth, clueless as to what I might’ve said. Out of everything, I hadn’t expected that. Nolan’s jaw tightened, and by the way heavoided my gaze, I knew he didn’t want to give me more than that. But I stayed quiet. I deserved to know what he meant.

“Dad never agreed about us going our separate ways. He tried pushing me more times than I can count to fix things with you. But I never listened, and obviously he took matters into his own hands by stopping our divorce.” His voice was low, his eyes cast downward. “I don’t need to remind you how selfish I was back then—you already know. But I said a lot of things to him I regret, and I’ll never be able to take them back.” He rubbed the back of his head, the tips of his ears red. “I wished I’d repaired my relationship with him before he died.”

My heart ached, and a piece of myself I hadn’t felt in a long time wanted to reach out to him. To comfort him for the loss of his dad. But I kept my hands at my sides. “What does that have to do with me?”

“In that letter he wrote—the one just to me—he called me out on some shit. Most of it regarding our relationship. Old man even dared me to try and win you back.” Ready to protest, I opened my mouth, then stopped when he raised his hand. “I know that’s not happening. That’s not what this is. But he still got me thinking . . . I’ve screwed up a lot of things, Indy. More than just you.” He held my gaze, not balking from the truth, no matter how much I wished he’d walk away and never look back. “I’ve made peace with the fact I’ll have to live the rest of my life with regret, but I’d like to go on with a little bit less. If I could fix some damage and come to some sort of friendship with you, that would be enough.”

I wrapped my arms around myself, not liking the way his words made me feel. I understood his regret, even felt some of my own. But I was afraid I’d only have more if I went through with this.

Nolan must’ve seen thenoforming on my lips as he then said, “There’s something else.” I doubted there was anything he could possibly say to convince me to agree, but I raised a brow, waiting. “Few years back, I really wanted to buy something. Except I didn’t have the money, and Dad wasn’t for it, so he wouldn’t give me a loan. Turns out he’d been setting some money aside for me.” He cracked a smile then. “Guess he thought he might be able to bribe me intogoing after you, cause he told me in the letter the money was mine if I tried. Now, I already looked—the account and money is still there. There’s roughly thirty thousand, and if you do this with me, I’ll split it with you.”

I parted my lips, failing to hide my surprise. Fifteen grand was enough to make any college graduate salivate, at least one who’d be paying loans off until she was one foot in the grave. New York was expensive, and I was scraping by as it was. I’d even had to sell my car so I could move there. It would be a nice cushion to fall back on if I didn’t land this job . . . Nope, not going there. The job was mine.

But . . .

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