Page 52 of The Seemingly Impossible Love Life of Amanda Dean

Well, there was one person.

She took Isa’s hand. Maybe to ground herself. Maybe to try to get that feeling back that they once had so long ago. When they used to hold hands and tell each other all their secrets and kiss when Abuela wasn’t looking. And while Mandy’s hand felt so at home in Isa’s, it wasn’t the same. Mandy had ruined that, and there was no hope she’d ever get it back.

Her gaze shifted from their hands up to Isa’s face. Isa staredback. Was she thinking the same thing? Could Isa have been trying to tell Mandy this whole time it was her she should be with? Mandy glanced at Isa’s lips and leaned in ever so slightly.

“No,” was all Isa said, and she let go of Mandy’s hand—but Mandy understood what she was really saying.No, it will never happen with us again. No, I can’t ever trust you with my heart. No, you are ruining everything. No. No. No.

I’m sorrywere the words Mandy wanted to say, but she was tired of saying them, and they wouldn’t make a difference. She’d gone and fucked things up again. Just when they were okay. Mandy was surprised Isa didn’t get up and leave, but Isa was her ride, and no matter how mad she was at Mandy, Isa would never abandon her—never do what Mandy did.

The air between them shifted—from a comfortable silence to tense and thick. Part of Mandy wanted to leave, but the other had a sick feeling this would be the last time Isa and she would be alone again, so Mandy didn’t move even when a hollow emptiness filled her insides and she started to tremble—was it from the breeze coming off the water? Or maybe her trembling was something else entirely.

With the sun now hidden beyond the horizon, fireworks lit up the sky with a distantboom.

“Ooooh…” Isa cooed next to her. She always did love fireworks.

Mandy settled in. They weren’t in the best position to see the show, but it wasn’t bad either. Silently they watched as the sky filled with smoke and colors erupted against the dark backdrop.

All too soon after the finale and Isa and Mandy had gone their separate ways, Mandy slid into bed next to Edmund.

“Baby…” He rolled over smelling of whatever he had beendrinking, and started kissing Mandy’s neck. “I’m sorry. I was such an ass. I promise I won’t do it again.”

She could stop him. She could tell him everything she was feeling. But he was drunk and saying all the right things, and the bed was warm, and Mandy didn’t want to be alone, so she let him run his hand under her nightshirt and then much lower.

Chapter Twenty-Five

August 2005

Since Isa’s announcement atGrad Nite, the pair had been inseparable in a different kind of way. Maybe it was wrong of Mandy not to tell her mother about her and Isa’s new relationship status, but then again, if Mandy had, she wouldn’t be standing in her kitchen in her underwear and slippers making cookies with Isa at midnight while her parents slept. Isa wore her favorite plaid pajama pants and shirt combo—but for some reason, she looked extra cute in it that night.

“We should crush up pretzels and put them in there too,” Isa said.

“Pretzels in chocolate chip cookies?” Mandy was intrigued—she wouldn’t knock a food combination without ever trying it herself.

“Salty and sweet.” Isa nudged Mandy with her hip. “Like you and me.”

“Which one of us is salty?”

Isa quirked that eyebrow of hers, and Mandy just wanted to tackle her right then and there and kiss her all over.

“Very funny.” Mandy instead threw an M&M—the thing they were using instead of chocolate chips—at her girlfriend, which hit her in the chest and slid into the pocket of her shirt.

“Nice shot.” Isa, with a satisfied grin, plucked the candy out and popped it into her mouth. “Hey, M&M. Mandy and Marisa.”

“See? We were always meant to be,” Mandy said. “They even named a candy after us.”

“Uh-huh.” Isa leaned in close to Mandy, so close Mandy got a whiff of Isa’s coconut shampoo. Close enough that Isa’s hair tickled Mandy’s cheek. Close enough that if Mandy just leaned in a little more—

“What’s going on in here?” Mom’s voice behind Mandy made her jump, spilling a bunch of M&M’s on the floor.

“We’re making a little midnight snack.” How did Isa sound so calm? Mandy’s heart was about to pound out of her chest.

“Making a mess is more like it,” Mom said. She rubbed her eyes and seemed to contemplate how much energy she wanted to expend on the situation. She sighed. “Just keep it down. Your father has to get up early for work in the morning. Not everyone is on a summer vacation.” She pointed to the tile. “Make sure you clean all this up, okay?”

“Sure, Mom, no problem.” Mandy almost saluted. What was wrong with her? Why was it so hard to act natural?

“We’ll make sure to clean up, Mrs. Dean.”

“I know I can count on you. It’s that one I’m worried about.” Mom gestured toward Mandy. “How is she ever going to be on her own for almost three whole months?” Mom’s eyes got glassy.

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