Page 83 of The Seemingly Impossible Love Life of Amanda Dean

Dad didn’t say anything. He wrapped his arm around her, and she curled into his side like she did when she was little. Even though Mandy’s life felt as if it were falling apart, there was always something comforting about Dad’s embrace—it was like coming home no matter how old she was.

Once the service started, so did the tears. As soon as they turned on, there didn’t seem to be a way to turn them off. Luckily each seat had been supplied with its own small package of tissues, and Dad shared his with Mandy and Mom.

Even as the pastor carried on about how Abuela was in a better place and how her soul was at peace, it didn’t ease the ache in Mandy’s heart. She couldn’t understand how Abuela could be okay with never seeing any of them again, because Mandy wasn’t okay with never seeing her. If anything, Mandy yearned to see her, talk to her, hug her one last time. Was it possible to love someone more now that they were gone?

And what did it say that Mandy didn’t have those same feelings about Edmund? She would miss him, but not in the same way that Mandy missed Abuela. Was it because Edmund was still around? Was it because the universe had other plans for them—they weren’t done in the way things were final for Abuela? Mandy already knew she would have to see him again to apologize for her earlier outburst. No matter how angry, and sad, and hurt she’d felt, it didn’t excuse her behavior.

Tears streamed down Mandy’s cheeks, and Dad squeezed her tighter as the lingering scent of frankincense tingled Mandy’snose. One day she would be sitting in the front row, and he would be the one who was gone, and one day it would be Mom. It wasn’t fair. Why did anyone have to die at all? It felt like such a cruel joke to put people in your life to love just to take them away. What was the purpose of that?

“Consuela’s granddaughter would like to say a few words,” the pastor said.

Isa didn’t move for a moment before she was nudged into action by Tía Maria. Isa slowly rose, made her way from the pew, and stood at the podium. The black dress she wore was new. Her hair was pulled back except for the little hairs that always framed her face and never did what she wanted. And unlike Mandy, Isa’s eyes were not red and puffy—like she had no tears left to shed. Isa clenched the note cards in her hand, then looked out to all the people filling the pews. Her eyes locked with Mandy’s, and Mandy gave her a reassuring nod saying,You can do this, without any words. But the look Isa returned said,No, I can’t.

All Mandy wanted to do was race up there and hold Isa in her arms. But Tía Maria shuffled out from the pew and got to Isa before Mandy could even move. Tía Maria took the cards from Isa, who then returned to her seat, where Sandy wrapped her arms around her on one side and another tía slid over and did the same from the other.

“Marisa has prepared a few words that I will share with you,” Tía Maria said. “Three months ago…Three months ago, my life changed.

“Three months ago, I started thinking about this very moment and what I would say, what Icouldsay. I even started writing something down because I knew, when this moment came, I wouldn’t be able to find the words.

“I thought, what could I tell you about my abuela that you don’t already know? You know she had a giving heart…there wasn’t anyone she wouldn’t go out of her way to help. You know she was an amazing cook…if you had her pozole rojo, you can consider yourself family. You know she had a great sense of humor…evenshethought she was hilarious. You know she was kind and caring and loving. You know she was persistent, and that she always thought her way was best. You know that she was stubborn, and that she also loved so fiercely. You know that Abuela was never one to care what other people thought of her.

“That is one thing I will not only remember but that I’ve always admired most about her.

“I can remember a time…I think I was nine or ten, and my best friend Mandy was sleeping over, and we had convinced Abuela we needed to make cookies. And if you knew Abuela, you knew sweets were her weakness. We had the flour, and sugar, and the butter, and everything mixed together when she realized we were out of chocolate chips. So what did she do? We all jumped into the car and went to the grocery store in our pajamas and slippers—even Abuela. People must have thought we looked ridiculous, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t going to let us down. We started those cookies, and we were going to finish them. And we marched through the store as she led the way.

“Abuela was always leading the way. She came to this country to give her children and her grandchildren a better life. She fought and sacrificed and has always been our biggest cheerleader.

“My first year in college, I called one night, miserable. There was nothing I wanted more than to come home, but Abuela made me realize that giving up wasn’t an option. I had come too far to let go of my dreams. And look at me now.

“Well, look at her.” Tía Maria gestured to Isa.

“Three months ago, my life changed. But today my world has changed forever.

“I miss you, Abuela. You helped prepare me for this world, but you never prepared me for a world without you.” Tía Maria took the note cards and went back to her seat.

There were a lot of sniffles, and Mandy too had to wipe her eyes and nose once again. A few more family members came up, and a choir sang some songs. Everyone completely lost it at the photomontage of Abuela’s life. And then it was over, and people started to make their way to the reception hall. Abuela was being flown to Mexico later that day to be buried in their family’s plot.

As soon as Mandy walked into the reception hall, Isa grabbed her arm and led her through a side door and out into a small garden, where they were alone. She stopped just behind a tall rosebush where no one could see them and held Mandy’s hands—one in each of her own.

“She told me,” Isa said. “Abuela told me.”

For a moment Mandy wasn’t sure what Isa meant, but as her brown eyes that had been so dry before filled with tears, Mandy knew. The day on her porch, before Mandy left for Europe, before she told Isa she didn’t want her to go anymore and broke both of their hearts.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” A tear slid down Isa’s cheek.

“What was I supposed to say? Abuela was right. I was being selfish. I couldn’t ask you to give up everything for me.”

“It wasmychoice. And I wanted to be with you.” Isa squeezed Mandy’s hands tighter. “I hated you for leaving me. I wasted years being mad at you. It wasn’t fair. I should’ve known.”

“And what would that have changed? Look at you.” Mandy took her in, all of her—the sweep of her hair, the curve of her neck, the freckle on her left shoulder. “You are an amazing doctor. Your life, your mom and Abuela’s lives, and all your patients’ lives are better because of that. Keeping you from this would’ve only benefited me.”

Tears spilled from Isa’s eyes, each one racing to be the first to drip from her chin.

Mandy took a wrinkled tissue from her pocket and tried to catch them all. “Iamsorry, but I don’t regret it. You became a better person without me. Yes, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, and I was miserable without you, but you would’ve been miserable if you missed your chance at this. This was who you were always meant to be. I can’t regret it. I won’t. Because when you really love someone, you don’t stand in their way.”

“It wasn’t fair.” Isa sobbed. “It just wasn’t fair.”

Mandy pulled Isa into her, and together they cried.

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