Page 27 of The Seemingly Impossible Love Life of Amanda Dean

Her parents would probably be home soon, so Mandy didn’t question it. She was just so excited it didn’t matter where they were. Mandy had missed seeing her face, smelling her lavender body lotion. “I want to hear everything. How was it?” She had never been to Mississippi.

Instead of joining Mandy on the couch, V sat in the chairnext to her. She looked adorable with her hair in a bonnet and wearing her PINK sweatpants and tank. “Good. It was good. My nana was so happy to have everyone together.” V pulled her knees into her chest and tugged on the bottom of her sweats. Her toenails had been painted a bright pink with little white flowers on her big toes. She glanced down, and then when she glanced back up again her eyes were glassy. Poor thing. She must’ve been really, really jet-lagged.

Mandy started to move over to hold her in her arms, but as soon as she leaned forward, V raised a hand.

“I can’t do this,” she said. “I thought I could, but you look so amazing and you’re looking at me like that, and I…I have to tell you something.”

She looked good, but why was that a bad thing? Bad enough to make V cry. What was Mandy missing?

“At first it wasn’t anything. My cousin had a friend with her, and she was really cool, and we would all hang out, and it was no big deal.”

Mandy fiddled with the hem of her dress; she heard the words coming out of V’s mouth, but she didnotwant to process them. She wanted to tell V to stop, but she couldn’t—because at the same time she needed to know what V was going to say.

“And, well, you were here and so far away, and I just didn’t get to talk to you enough, and one night she kissed me—”

“What was her name?” Mandy didn’t know why this was important, but at that moment it was.

“Kaylee.” V couldn’t meet Mandy’s eyes. “I wasn’t even into her like that, but I don’t know. Kaylee kissed me, and I didn’t stop her, and then we—”

“That’s enough.” It was all more than enough. Mandy mighthave been sitting on a plastic-covered couch, but she was also staring up at a Ferris wheel as Brandon Martínez sat there with someone else. Just like that night, Mandy wanted to run, but she also couldn’t move.

“I’m so sorry.” Tears rolled down V’s cheeks, and she brushed them away with the back of her hand. “I love you so much. I would take it all back if I could. I know it was stupid.” She sniffled, and then she used her tank top to wipe her nose.

“You weren’t going to tell me.” Mandy wasn’t sure how she kept her voice so level. “You said you can’t do this, meaning you were going to just pretend it didn’t happen.”

“It didn’t mean anything,” V tried to reassure her. “She doesn’t matter to me. You do. It’s in the past. I can’t change it. And I didn’t want to hurt you. But the way you look at me…”

“So this is my fault?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“But I wasn’t there. And now I’m looking at you…and you didn’t want to hurt me, but now you are. This hurts me, Veronica.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t call me that.” She wiped her eyes again.

“What am I supposed to call you?” Mandy didn’t want to cry. She wanted to scream, or break or hit something, but she didnotwant to cry.

“V. Babe. Your girlfriend.”

Mandy steadied her breath. Her insides shook harder than an earthquake. “You’re not my girlfriend anymore.” She stood up, and somehow, she left. It felt like she was there and not at the same time. Her body went through the motions. Key, ignition, drive, but her mind was blank. An empty void that echoed the sobs of the girl she left behind. Why did this have to happen toher again? What was wrong with her that people needed someone else? Why wasn’t Mandy ever good enough?

She gripped the steering wheel so tightly she should’ve broken a finger or the wheel itself. But it didn’t hurt. Not compared to the ache in her chest. Why couldn’t anyone love her back?

The sun had started to set, and Mandy was still driving. She knew where she was, but she had no idea where she was going. Her phone rang again. She had lost count of how many times it had done that. It stopped and then started again.

The traffic slowed down, and Mandy was forced to stop. Her idle hands reached for the phone just as it rang again, and she picked it up.

“Where are you?” Isa’s frantic voice came from the other end.

Mandy looked around. “The freeway.”

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know.”

“You sound so calm,” she said. “Mandy?”

“Isa.”

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