Page 17 of The Seemingly Impossible Love Life of Amanda Dean

She had somehow stumbled down an aisle with decor, and paper stock for invitations, and practically any knickknack a bride could need for their wedding. “Laura?” It had been almost two years since Mandy had seen Laura last, and she almost didn’t recognize her. Laura’s raven-black hair had been bleached to an almost white-blonde, and she had more makeup on than she would wear onstage.

“Mandy!” Laura charged toward Mandy, wrapping her in a tight hug. “When did you get back?”

“Just a couple of—”

“I’m engaged!” Laura thrust her hand into Mandy’s face, showing off a sparkling single-carat diamond.

“That’s so exciting. Congratulations.” Mandy smiled, holding in the giggle that wanted to escape. It may have been a while since she had seen Laura, but she hadn’t changed a bit. Still dramatic as ever.

“Steven…my fiancé…he’s getting his master’s right now, and already has a job with his dad. They buy and sell buildings, not like flipping houses, but, like, buildings.” Laura moved her arms to demonstrate she was talking about something big. “It’s so weird he knows exactly how many bathrooms the floor of any building would need just by knowing the square footage.” She paused. “Weird, right?”

“Totally.” Mandy nodded.

“Exactly. Anyway, his dad is going to retire someday, and so, like, needs Steven to be able to run everything, so he’s taking these classes…” Laura rambled on and on, and it took Mandy more effort than she wanted to admit to pay attention. It couldn’t still be jet lag, but still she felt bad. She must’ve nodded and um-hummed in all the right places, because it seemed as though Laura’s smile never faded.

“How’s school going?” Mandy asked when Laura paused for breath.

“What? Oh, fine.” Laura shrugged. “I’m probably taking the next semester off though to get ready for the wedding, and then Steven really wants to have kids soon, so. It would be really hard to do both, you know?”

“Yeah,” Mandy said, but she didn’t actually know. Laura always talked about going to college to study film. While she loved acting, she had wanted to do it all. Produce. Direct. She had even written the musical their school performed their senioryear. Did people normally give up their dreams for the person they loved? What did that say about Mandy?

“…So next summer, plan to be there.” Laura kept talking. “OMG are you on Facebook?” Laura whipped out her phone.

Facewhat? “No, I don’t think so.”

“Do they not have it in Europe?” Laura seemed to ponder. “Well, you need to get an account and then friend me, okay? Oh my god, it was so good running into you.” After rambling on for another five minutes about all the errands she had to run, Laura kissed Mandy on both cheeks and was gone.

Thirty minutes later, Mandy hobbled down the street with her oversized canvas and bag of supplies, try as she might not to run into people. A storefront door opened just as Mandy approached, and forced her to sidestep into a couple sitting on a large tree-planter box, sharing a cinnamon roll.

Mandy fumbled with her canvas now that she had been thrown off-balance. “Sorry about—” Her mouth went dry, and her heartbeat went into overdrive.

“Mandy?” Isa said. Her voice was a little colder than Mandy remembered—but not without good reason. Next to Isa sat another girl with gorgeous dark brown skin and hazel eyes. On her lap was a cinnamon roll box—just one—with two forks, like it belonged to both of them. Mandy’s stomach rolled over.

“I’m sorry,” Mandy mumbled—not just about almost crushing them now, but also for the things that happened between them before Mandy left for Europe. She’d wanted to text or email those words to Isa a million times but never had the courage.

“I like your hair.” Isa gestured. Although it had been growing out, it was a lot shorter than the last time Mandy had been home.

“Thanks.”You look amazing. And as beautiful as the last time I saw you. I’ve missed you so much.“I like yours too.” Isa’s hair was pulled up into a messy kind of bun, nothing special at all, but Isa would always be special to Mandy. Even if they never talked anymore, staring at Isa now reminded Mandy how much she still loved her.

Mandy stood there, unsure what to do. Unsure what to say. Her arms shook from the weight of her recent shopping excursion, but she didn’t want to leave—not yet. Not when she was this close—and she didn’t know when she ever would be again. Like somehow just standing here allowed her a moment inside Isa’s orbit, and stepping away would send her careening off into the unknown again.

Next to her, someone cleared their throat.

Isa motioned to the girl sitting there. “Oh, this is my girlfriend, Tally.”

Mandy didn’t miss the way Isa saidgirlfriend, or it could’ve been the way Mandy heard it—either way, it stung. It was the confirmation that Isa’s life had moved on and that Mandy didn’t know anything about it—not that she had a right to know.

Tally gave a curt smile. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Mandy.”

Mandy was sure she had. “Well, I should…” She teetered back and forth with the canvas and her bags like it was an acceptable excuse to leave.

“Yeah, sure,” Isa said, and that was it. She didn’t beg Mandy to stay or try to convince her things didn’t have to be this way. Isa didn’t grab Mandy’s arm or ask her why she had to leave again.

“It was great seeing you.” And it was, and at the same time, it wasn’t. Mandy missed Isa more than the flowers could miss the rain. More than the stars could miss the moon. And yet seeingIsa made Mandy’s chest ache so hard it felt as though it might cave in on itself. Before Mandy could stop herself, she turned to Tally. “Take care of her. She’s one special girl.” Mandy didn’t wait for a response; she did what she had done a year and a half before, and walked away.

Mandy’s morning had been atidal wave of highs and lows, but once she got home and settled into the space at the back of the garage, she easily sank into her work and forgot about…well, basically everything.

This piece had been playing on her heart ever since she stepped off the plane at LAX a few days before. Europe was amazing and wonderful, but Mandy was home now, and for the first time in a long time, she felt like she could move forward. All the classes and trial and error had brought her to where she was today. Not standing in her childhood home, that’s not what she meant, but in this headspace, feeling confident that she was good, but she could be better, and Mandy was okay with that.

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