Page 9 of Alpha Chase

Chase

Sweetsmokefillsmylungs as I take a long drag from a joint, eyes sliding closed and my head falling back against the headrest. I dropped Cal and Levi off twenty minutes ago and I’ve been sitting in my truck in the driveway of the packhouse since, struggling to find the motivation to get out and go inside.

I don’t want to go in there. Never do.

This packhouse used to be home, but now it’s just a reminder of what my life used to be. Everything about it makes me think ofhim- and I don’t know if I’m sad or angry or if I should even give a fuck, considering he lied to me about my mother for half my life. I spend most of my time nowadays just trying not to think about it, but every time I walk inside that place, I’m smacked in the face with his memory.

I’ve spent two months running from his ghost, and I haven’t gotten anywhere.

Everything in there just feels empty. My life feels empty. So I fill it with drugs and booze, tits and ass. I fill the packhouse with people, each party wilder than the last. I fill the void in any way I can with a bunch of shit that doesn’t matter, wondering when my heart will start beating again. I still feel nothing. But I’d rather feel nothing than hurt.

I flinch, eyes flying open and cursing under my breath as the embers of the joint burn my fingers. Guess I spaced out as it continued to burn down. I drop it onto the rubber floormat, stomping it out with my shoe as I bring my hand up in front of my face to examine the little purple burns on my fingers. The longer I look at them, the more they start to fade- and within a couple minutes, they’re gone completely.Shifter healing.My body’s free of scars, but I can’t say the same for my soul.

After a few more minutes, I finally force myself to get out of the truck and walk inside, heading straight for my dad’s office. Gray’s still seated behind the desk, his eyes coming to mine as I freeze in the doorway.

“You showed,” he remarks, brows lifting in surprise.

I shove my hands in my pockets and lean a shoulder against the doorframe. “Yeah.”

He beckons me inside with a flick of his head.

I suck in a breath, biting down on the inside of my cheek as I take a step inside. Then another. All the way to the nearest chair, dropping down into it before I exhale, scrubbing a hand over my face.

Gray flips the folder in front of him closed, setting it aside. He opens his mouth to speak, but before he can start in on his lecture about Alpha duties, I blurt out the real reason why I walked in here.

“There was a rogue up at the lodge today,” I grumble, slumping back in my chair.

Gray stiffens, jaw locking and his wolf showing in his eyes.

“He took off before I even saw him. Smelled fucking terrible, though. Levi and I tracked him to the parking lot, but he must’ve driven away.”

I watch as Gray’s hands tighten into fists atop the desk. “Any idea what he was doing there?”

I shake my head.

A silence falls over the room as Gray contemplates for a moment. Things have been quiet around here since the war with the shadow pack, but that doesn’t mean we’ve gotten comfortable. If anything, we’re even more wary of outsiders now.

“We’ll need to discuss this with the council and squad leaders,” Gray mumbles. “Could be a one-off, but we have to take every perceived threat seriously.”

I nod in agreement. “I can keep an eye on it in the meantime. I’m up at the lodge boarding half the time anyways.”

Gray nods slowly. “Good call. I’ll set the meeting and let you know.”

“Cool.” I lean forward and start to push up off of the chair, beyond ready to leave this office. I feel like I’m fucking suffocating in here.

“Hey,” Gray barks, leveling me with a stare. “Thought we were gonna go over some things today…?”

I heave a sigh, dropping back down onto the chair and pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger, squeezing my eyes shut. “Can we do it some other time?” I groan, wincing.

“When, Chase? You keep putting it off, and…”

“I know,” I interrupt, snapping my eyes open and meeting Gray’s disapproving gaze. “I just… I fucking can’t today, okay?”

Just like I couldn’t yesterday, and I won’t tomorrow.

Gray blows out a breath, leaning back and folding his hands over his abs. “Look, man. I get it. I’m not trying to push you. I just want to help because I’ve been in your shoes…”

He keeps talking, but my brain disconnects and I zone out. I look past Gray, focusing instead on the wall behind him where a framed picture of our old packhouse is hung- the one my dad grew up in back in Idaho and where I was born. ‘So we don’t forget’, Dad had said when he hung it on the wall, winking at me over his shoulder. Sentimental bastard. Someone must’ve bumped into the picture because it’s hanging a little crooked on the wall.

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