Page 43 of Alpha Reid

A lump forms in my throat.

“Well it’s clear that you know what you’re doing out there on the field,” Quinn says, breezing past the uncomfortable silence that threatens to fall over the room. “I saw you spar this morning, you’ve got some serious skills!”

“Thanks,” I breathe, pushing out the bad memories that threaten to creep in and forcing a smile. I turn to Brooke. “So you never train with the squad?”

She gives a quick shake of her head. “Rarely. I’m strictly IT. Theo works with me a little bit on the side, though, because he’s overprotective and wants to make sure I can defend myself if I need to. Plus my wolf is crazy, but…” she waves a hand, “that’s a whole other story.”

I arch a brow in interest. “Crazy how?”

Quinn snorts. “She tried to tear my throat out once.”

Brooke shoots her a look and Quinn laughs, nudging her. “Oh come on, I’m just teasing.” She looks back to me, winking. “Though she did try to take a bite out of me.”

“My wolf never integrated properly,” Brooke sighs. “She’s really wily. But Theo’s been working with me and I’ve done some training with the squad in wolf form. Things are getting a lot better.”

I nod slowly, taking another sip of my champagne. I can’t picture sweet Brooke with a killer wolf lurking inside, but I suppose stranger things have happened. I didn’t have any trouble integrating with my own wolf, but I know of several people who struggled when their wolves came in.

“Anyone else want a refill?” Quinn asks, climbing off the bed and tipping her paper cup toward us.

I look down into my own cup to see that it’s nearly empty and realize that I can already feel the champagne going to my head. Quinn doesn’t wait for our responses, though- she grabs the bottle off of the dresser and carries it over to the bed, topping off my cup first, then Brooke’s, then lifting the bottle to her lips to take a pull straight from it.

Once we drain the first bottle, we don’t bother with the cups for the second- we all just sit in a circle on the bed and pass it around as we chat about anything and everything. The girls tiptoe around topics like my family and pack, but Quinn does try twice more to pump me for details about Reid’s sexual prowess. I give her just enough to satisfy her curiosity and she fans herself exaggeratedly while Brooke and I giggle, buzzed on the champagne.

If the goal of the sleepover was to bring us closer, it works- by the time we all settle down to go to sleep, it feels like it’s the most natural thing, like we’ve all been girlfriends for years. We all crash in the king-sized bed with Brooke in the middle, and as I force myself to stay awake and listen to the sound of the girls’ breathing evening out, I find my mind wandering to all of the things that I wish could be. I imagine my life consisting of sleepovers with the girls, of mornings with the squad. Of days and nights with Reid. If only life could be that simple.

I don’t want to do this.

I watch time slip by, reflected in the glowing red numbers of the clock beside the bed. I can’t allow myself to sleep, so I occupy my mind by daydreaming of things that I’ll never have. I imagine what life with Reid would be like if I could actually keep him- if we’d do normal couple things like host dinner parties at the packhouse for the other alphas and their mates. I have no doubt that he’d be an amazing partner, attentive to all my needs. Fate got it wrong- I really don’t deserve him.

An hour passes. I’m certain the girls are fast asleep- they haven’t stirred in quite a while. Slowly, I peel the sheets off of my body, pushing them aside. I move at a snail’s pace as I sit up, twisting to set my feet on the floor. Then I rise to stand, careful not to transfer any movement that might wake the others.

Tiptoeing, I move across the room to my bag, crouching down to unzip the outside pocket. I retrieve the USB drive, glancing back toward the bed to make sure Brooke and Quinn are still sleeping before I creep toward the door, slowly flipping the lock and pulling it open. I dart one last glance toward the bed before I slip out into the dark hallway, holding my breath.

I don’t want to do this, I really don’t. I’ve agonized over it for days. The people here have been nothing but kind to me, and here I am, repaying them with betrayal. I’ve tried to rack my brain for a way around this, but I always come up blank. If this were only about me, I wouldn’t think twice- I’d put a bullet in my own brain and everyone would be better off. But it’s not just about me and I don’t have a choice. I know what’ll happen if I don’t comply, and I won’t risk that outcome. So there’s no way out.

The silence in the squad complex at this hour is eerie, considering how lively it is during the day. My heart thunders in my chest as I tiptoe down the hallways, trying to figure out where the hell I’m going. I haven’t ever been to this part of the complex, but I have a general idea of where to go from the way I’ve heard others describe it. I know I’ve arrived when I hear the hum of electronics behind the door.

I try the door handle, pushing it open and peering inside the IT hub. It’s pitch black, save for the tiny lights on the computers and the monitors, but my eyes adjust quicky. I’ve never been very tech savvy- while I know what I’m supposed to do in here, I really have no idea what I’m doing.

Fuck. I don’t want to do this.

Everything inside of me is screaming to stop- to just go back to the barracks, slide back into bed with the girls, and pretend that none of this happened. To wait until Reid picks me up tomorrow and spill my guts, see if he’ll forgive my indiscretions and help me instead.

I wish I could, but I can’t take that risk. Not considering what’s on the line.

I step up to the closest computer, pulling out the desk chair and sinking down onto it. The leather is cold against my bare legs and I shiver as a chill runs down my spine. I draw a shaky breath, setting my hand on the mouse and moving it. The monitor lights up, the login screen asking for credentials. He said I wouldn’t have to enter them, just insert the thumb drive.

I don’t want to do this.

I take a deep breath, lining up the USB drive with the port on the side of the computer. My vision blurs as I feel the sting of tears forming behind my eyes.

Goodbye, Reid. You’re going to hate me after this.

I push it in.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Reid

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