Page 75 of Alpha Jax

Quinn’s scent lingers in the arena, a cruel reminder of what I just lost. I should’ve stopped her. Should’ve said something so she didn’t walk away. Should’ve gone after her.Maybe it’s not too late…

I reach for the door handle, flinching as I try to grasp it with the fingers of my right hand. That punch must’ve done more damage to the bones than I initially thought- I can’t grasp onto it worth a damn. I switch hands, pulling the door open, rushing out- the night air is bitingly cool on my skin. I frantically glance across the practice field in the direction of the barracks. The field is empty, the doors are closed, and Quinn is nowhere in sight. She must already be inside.

I get a sinking feeling, like a heavy weight settling deep in my belly. As much as I want to hunt her down and beg her to reconsider, that won’t get me anywhere with a girl like Quinn. A girl like her doesn’t want to be told what to do- she wants a man who lets her make her own decisions and respects them. A man that isn’t intimidated by her strength and determination but appreciates and cherishes her for those attributes. I want to be that man for her, so I need to honor our bargain and respect Quinn’s decision, even if it feels like my heart is splintering in my chest right now.

I knew she was trouble from the first time I laid eyes on her, but I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t stay away. And yeah, this fucking hurts like a motherfucker, but I don’t regret a single moment with Quinn. Part of me always knew she was too good to be true, that we were on borrowed time.

Fuck. I wish there was another door in front of me to punch right now. How could I have let this happen? I had Quinn in my bed just this morning, and now…

My wolf is raging inside of me, fighting to get out. I normally pride myself on the amount of control I have over my animal side, but tonight I don’t give a fuck. I let him push through. I don’t even bother stripping- I just give into the shift, tearing through my clothes right on the practice field. I shake out my fur, dig my paws into the earth, and run.

Past the gate, out of the complex. Through the forest, up a ravine. Limping the whole time on a fucking broken paw. And when I’ve run like hell for long enough, until my muscles ache and my legs burn, I throw back my head and let out a long, mournful howl.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

Quinn

I wake up the next morning feeling so fucking numb. I cried myself to sleep, then tossed and turned all night. I regret everything. I regret getting involved with Jax in the first place, I regret catching feelings for him that I knew couldn’t go anywhere, and I regret cutting things off with him last night before hearing him out. What if I was jumping to conclusions? What if he wasn’t trying to end things and I ended them prematurely?

Even if he shared the same feelings I do, there’s no way things would’ve worked out between us. First of all, there’s the Theo factor. We’d both have to sacrifice our relationships with Theo to be together, and he’d never approve. Then there’s the fact that we’re from two different packs, and in a mate pairing, the girl always goes to the guy’s pack. I’ve always felt so connected to my pack, especially after losing my mom at a young age. My pack is the only family I’ve ever known; the thought of abandoning my dad and my pack to go to another is unfathomable. And lastly, there’s the issue of the fated mate bond- the fact that while there’s an incredibly slim chance that Jax and I are destined to be together, the much more probable scenario is that we’ve both got mates out there somewhere that are either waiting to meet us or waiting to come of age. Our perfect mates that fate has chosen for us.

So basically, given all of the reasons why it couldn’t work with Jax, it came down to whether I want to hurt now or hurt later. And last night, I chose now.

Unfortunately, knowing things wouldn’t have worked doesn’t lessen the pain of heartache. I feel it in my bones, in my soul, like a weight that’s too heavy to shoulder. I try to just shut it all off and go through the motions like a zombie, but every so often, the pain of it all bleeds through and I feel like breaking down. I go about my day like normal, showing up for recruit training in the morning as usual. I’m nervous to see Jax, but he doesn’t even show up, which is probably for the best.

I report to the IT hub in the afternoon, already so emotionally drained that I feel like I could collapse into bed and sleep through tomorrow morning. If I think I’m hiding how shitty I feel, I’m doing a really crappy job because Brooke immediately picks up on the fact that something’s wrong. She refuses to let it go, parking herself at my desk until I finally let it slip that it’s about a guy. Of course, with my luck, Theo appears at that exact moment, going into protective big bro mode.

“Tell me who it is,” he demands gruffly, taking a seat on the edge of my desk and glaring down at me. “I’ll make him pay.”

I shake my head firmly while Brooke rolls her eyes beside me.

Theo leans down so his face is eye-level with mine, forcing me to look at him. “What’d he do to you, Quinn?”

I give another shake of my head. “Will you just drop it?” I can’t keep my voice from breaking, which elicits an immediate reaction from Theo. He bristles, his body going rigid.

“Tell me who he is,” he repeats. There’s a hint of Alpha command behind his voice, making me squirm in my chair.

“Don’t you dare try to force it out of me,” I hiss, pushing back in my chair and narrowing my eyes. “I appreciate that you’re trying to be helpful right now, but you also need to respect my fucking boundaries.”

Theo throws his hands up in surrender. “Alright, alright,” he sighs, backing off. “I wish you’d let me help you, though…”

“You can’t,” I say hoarsely. As hard as I try to force them back, tears well up in my eyes, threatening to leak from the corners. “Some things can’t be helped or fixed.”

Brooke covers my hand with hers, gazing at me with eyes full of sympathy. “You sure we can’t do anything?”

“I’m sure,” I sniffle.

The two of them don’t leave me alone, though- but they don’t pry further, either. They just sit with me all afternoon in a silent show of support, and by the end of it, I feel marginally better. Like maybe the whole world isn’t crashing in on me after all. Like maybe I can get through this.

~

Jax

“Whoa, man, what’s your deal?” I ask Theo as he slams his body into one of the conference room chairs.

I’ve been in such a fucking haze all day that it’s a small miracle I even noticed someone else’s discontentment- but perhaps it’s just become engrained in me to be on high alert when it comes to Theo. Or maybe misery just loves company.

He scrubs a hand over his face, heaving a sigh. “My fucking sister,” he grumbles.

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