Page 89 of Alpha Gray

Deke’s eyes widen like I’ve just revealed my deepest, darkest secret. Maybe I have. I just admitted that I want to be with Fallon for real, that I’m considering her as my mate. I couldn’t even admit that to myself five minutes ago, yet here I am, fessing up, coming to terms with my own buried feelings.

“If that’s what you choose, then yes. I think they’d respect your decision.” Deke takes another sip of his coffee, his eyes not leaving mine.

I blow out a breath, reaching for my mug again, holding it in my hands and staring down at it.

“Let’s put it this way,” Deke says, scooching back his chair and crossing an ankle over his knee. “If the pack wasn’t a factor… if you were just a regular old shifter like the rest of us, no alpha responsibilities, what would you want?’

“I’d want Fallon.” The words leave my mouth quickly because there’s no question in my mind, not anymore. I don’t want something casual, I don’t want a fling. I want to keep her.

Deke raises his brows and ticks his head toward me. “There’s your answer, then.”

Another pause settles between us as I have a damn staring contest with my coffee mug.

“You know you can still choose each other as mates, even if you aren’t fated,” Deke offers, breaking the silence.

I dart him a glance, chewing on my bottom lip. If only things were that easy. I have no fucking idea where we stand, and if last night’s any indication, she’s already trying to pull away.

“What if she doesn’t want to?” I mumble. I swallow hard, my throat tight and scratchy.

Deke shrugs, bringing his coffee mug back to his lips. “You’ll never know unless you ask,” he murmurs before taking another sip.

I let out an exasperated sigh. This is exactly why I didn’t want to get involved. My head’s fucking spinning over a girl that could walk away at any moment. Hell, she basically did last night- I haven’t forgotten how cold her response was when I asked her to come back to the packhouse with me. Something’s definitely up with her.

I allow the silence to settle between us again as I contemplate Deke’s words.

“What’s it like, with Holly?” I finally ask, leaning sideways in my chair and propping an elbow on the table. “The mate bond.”

“Mmm…” Deke leans back, considering. “Hard to describe. I never knew I could love someone so much. I’ll always stand by her, protect her, no matter what. We complete each other, make one another stronger.”

I nod, staring back down into my coffee. Some of what Deke says strikes a chord… I mean, I’ve got real feelings for Fallon. I’m definitely protective of her. I don’t know if we complete each other- I mean, that’s cheesy as hell, right? But I could see how having her in my life makes me stronger, makes me want to be better. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. For weeks now it’s like I’ve been trying to prove that I’m worthy of her, even if I’m not her mate. That has to count for something- perhaps a basis to build our own mate bond, fate be damned.

“I’ll ask her to stay for the run,” I say, looking back up at Deke.

“And?” he arches a brow.

“And what?”

Deke smirks. “You gonna tell her how you feel?”

I throw back my head, blowing out a breath. “Fuck, man!”

When I tip my head back up to look at Deke, I can’t help but crack a smile.

“Yeah… maybe. We’ll see.”

Deke gives a little nod, grinning as he rises to his feet. “Good.” He picks up his coffee mug, striding over to the pot for a refill. “Don’t overthink it, and do it soon, before the full moon next weekend. I hope she joins us for the run.”

“You hope who does?” Holly asks, appearing in the kitchen doorway with Mason. She looks over at me, an excited smile stretching across her face. “Fallon?!”

“Is Fallon here?” Mason asks, looking around wide-eyed.

“No, buddy,” I laugh, pushing out my chair and patting my leg. Mason drops Holly’s hand, tearing across the kitchen to me. I scoop him up, plunking him onto my leg and ruffling his curly hair.

“Gray’s gonna ask her to stay for the run,” Deke says, striding over to Holly and pulling her in to plant a quick kiss on her lips.

I’ve always been a little jealous of what Deke and Holly have, and now that I’m so close to having something like that for myself I’m even more envious. What I wouldn’t give to have Fallon sleep beside me every night, join me in this kitchen every day for breakfast.

Holly’s eyes light up. “Really?” she asks, turning to me. Her excitement is palpable.

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