Page 88 of Alpha Gray

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

Gray

The full moon’s in a week. It’s like I can feel it inching closer, looming over me like it imposes some sort of expiration date on my happiness. I’ve never dreaded a full moon before. I still don’t know what this thing is between Fallon and me, but I know want to stretch it out, hold onto it as long as I can. If only there was a way to prolong the moon’s cycle.

I barely sleep worth a damn on Saturday night, and when I stroll into the kitchen at the packhouse on Sunday morning Deke’s already there rummaging through the refrigerator for something to make for breakfast. His head pops up from behind the door of the fridge when he hears me come in and he flashes me a bright smile, always so damn chipper in the morning.

“Good morning, Alpha.” Deke straightens, glancing through the doorway behind me. “No guests for breakfast today?” he asks teasingly.

I roll my eyes, reaching up to rub the tense spot on the base of my neck. “Nah, not today,” I say as I stretch out my limbs. I lean back against the counter, watching Deke as he retrieves a carton of eggs from the fridge.

“Can I ask you something, Deke?”

He sets the carton on the counter, turning his attention to me. “Of course. What’s up?”

“Uh…” I trail off, stabbing my fingers through my hair. I’m not exactly a ‘share your feelings’ type of guy, so I don’t even know where to begin. “Did you date anyone, before Holly?”

Deke tilts his head, like he’s slightly puzzled by my question. “Yeah… nothing serious, though. Just a few girls here and there.”

I just nod. I don’t even know what I’m trying to get at, not really. I’m just trying to see if there’s some sort of way to rationalize my feelings for Fallon, some way for it all to make sense.

Deke folds his arms over his chest. “Is this about Fallon?”

The guy’s perceptive.

I swallow hard, nodding. “Yeah. We’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks now and I just… I don’t know, man. With the full moon coming up I’m just trying to figure out what the fuck we’re doing, I guess.”

Deke opens up the cupboard next to him, pulling out two coffee mugs. “I think this is a conversation that requires coffee,” he grumbles, setting the mugs on the counter and reaching for the coffee pot to fill them.

“Yeah,” I sigh. I walk over to the kitchen table, slumping down in one of the chairs. After a few moments, Deke brings the mugs of coffee over, setting one down in front of me and settling into his own chair with the other mug.

I drag my coffee cup toward me, staring down into the dark liquid. “She was acting really weird last night, man. I don’t know if it’s something I did or the full moon coming, but…” I trail off, glancing up at Deke. He’s peering back at me sympathetically, and though I wouldn’t usually spill my guts like this, if I’m going to with anyone it’s Deke. He’s like a father figure or an older brother; he always seems to know what to do.

I stare back down at my coffee. “I mean, chances are she’s not my mate, but fuck… I care about her. A lot.”

The realization hits me like a ton of bricks after I speak the words. It’s like I couldn’t admit to myself until right now how I really feel- that despite my best efforts, I’ve fallen hard for this girl. If it all ends with the moon, I’m not sure what I’m gonna do.

I scrub a hand over my face, shaking my head.

Deke blows out a breath. His expression softens, the little crinkles by his eyes deepening. “Never say never. You’ve clearly got strong feelings for her, maybe fate could have a hand in that.”

I shake my head again. “I don’t believe in fate,” I growl. “It’s never dealt me a fair hand.”

Deke sighs, lifting his mug to take a sip of his coffee. A long pause settles between us before he swallows, setting it down on the table and running a hand through his greying hair.

“Guess you have to decide what you believe in, then.”

I don’t say anything, just reach for my own mug and take a sip. I avoid eye contact, but I can feel Deke staring at me from across the table, no doubt trying to figure out what’s rattling around in my head.

Deke clears his throat to speak again. “Look, Alpha, if you want my opinion, I think this girl’s good for you. You’ve been happier since you’ve started seeing her. More yourself, or more like how you used to be before everything went to shit five years ago.”

My eyes fly up to meet Deke’s. The mention of the attack on the pack gives way to a whole new range of thoughts and emotions.

“It’s not about me, though, is it?” I scowl. “Not really. I’ve gotta do what’s best for the pack.”

Now it’s Deke’s turn to shake his head, rolling his eyes like I’m being a petulant child. “Don’t use the pack as an excuse. You’ve been putting the pack first since you stepped up as alpha and they all know it. You’ve gotta know that they’ll support you, whatever you do.”

“You really think they’d accept a luna that’s not pack?” I scoff.

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