Page 56 of Wicked Devotions

“What did you use to do?” His lips brush my shoulder with each word, sending tingles ricocheting through my body.

“You’ll laugh.”

“I promise I won’t.”

“I’d pray until God got annoyed enough by my long, rambling soliloquies that he’d make me fall asleep.”

His chest shakes against me with silent laughter.

“See. I knew you’d laugh.” I purse my own lips to keep from joining him.

“I wouldn’t have laughed if you’d just said thatyou prayed. It was the full description that got me.” His laughter dies. “Why can’t you pray?”

“My dad. He wasn’t just my father, he was my religious leader. The man I looked to for everything. It’s hard to untangle him from religion and God. I don’t even think I’m ready to try.”

“I get that.”

We lie together in silence for a few minutes, neither of us able to fully relax. His fingers find the bare skin of my hip between my shorts and top and swoop in lazy circles over the soft flesh. Even with how good it feels, I can’t stop my mind from wandering to the letter now.

“Am I a whore?”

He stills. “No.”

“I did things with Cyrus and then you not even two days later.”

“Did you enjoy what you did?”

“Yes.” My answer is immediate because truth be told, I loved it. “I just feel like I shouldn’t like it.”

“That’s the abuse and religious trauma you’ve suffered speaking. Sex and sexuality are intrinsic to being human. It’s not just about procreation, it’s also about connection. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

“But with two different people?”

“One person or one hundred, it doesn’t matter. If it feels right in the moment and everyone wants to be there, who cares?” He rolls me to face him. “My cousin is coming tomorrow with three of his partners. Sawyer is in a polyam relationship with Olivia and Nolan, and her other two partners, Lake and Grant.”

“How did that happen?”

“It’s a long story, and I’m truthfully not clear about the details as they’re about ten years older than us. But they’re happy and don’t let anyone outside their relationship dictate how they feel about it.”

“Banks mentioned something like this as an option when he told me about being asexual.”

“Does he know about everything with Cyrus and me?”

“Yes. I don’t want to lie to him. He actually seemed relieved. I had been pushing for more physical contact.” I tuck my head under Declan’s chin to avoid eye contact even in the darkness. It still feels shameful to be the one pushing for physical touch as a woman. I’m not supposed to be driven by those urges.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed for wanting sex.” It’s as if he can read my mind. “It’s natural towant that connection. Fuck, I want it all the time.” He presses his hips against mine, his hardness brushing against me to make it clear he’s not lying.

“Can I touch you?” I lift my head and look up into his eyes, putting my hand on his chest.

“Whenever you want, Angel.”

I press my fingertips lightly to his chest and drag them down slowly. His skin is warm and smooth with only a light smattering of hair. He inhales sharply as I follow his ribs to his sides.

“Did that tickle?” I ask.

“Yes.”

“I didn’t take you for the ticklish type.” I tease the area again, delighted when he laughs and grabs my hand.

---