Page 39 of Wicked Devotions

“Although I could think of some ways…” Cy wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Declan glares at him which only makes him laugh.

Ever since we had that moment in his room, he’s been dropping the occasional innuendo. I’ve continued trying to touch myself but can never seem to bring myself to orgasm. My thoughts inevitably stray to memories of past punishments. So I end up tossing and turning until morning, with all this pent up energy and nowhere to go.

Part of me is worried that I’m incapable of orgasming. That somehow the community I grew up in that shamed women and sexuality is so ingrained in me that I’m irreparably broken. That depressing thought sends my mood plummeting, so I wait until an opportune moment and escape to my bedroom.

A while later I hear a light knock at my door.

“Come in,” I call out.

Cy comes in and closes the door quietly behind him. “Hey.”

“Hi.” I look up at him waiting to hear why he’s here.

“I just wanted to make sure I didn’t make you uncomfortable with that joke earlier. You got quiet and then disappeared on us.”

“No. It just made me think about some things is all.”

“What things?” He walks over and sits across from me on the bed.

“It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“I won’t judge.”

He’s telling the truth. I’m not sure how I know that, but I do. With all the things I’ve confessed to him, he’s never once brought anything back up or made light of them.

I sigh heavily before unloading all my thoughts and worries. “You know how I’ve never had any kind of experiences?”

“Sexual experiences? Yes.”

“Do you think I ever will?”

He blinks at me incredulously. “Yes. Absolutely.”

“You think someone will want to wade through all my issues to get there?”

“Yes.” He doesn’t even hesitate. “Anyone worth giving your body should be honored by the trust you place in them.”

“Even if it’s a lot of work? Like an abnormal amount of work?”

He holds up a hand to stop me. “What exactly are you worried about? Finding someone or something else?”

“I’m not really worried about finding someone.” I’m not dumb, it’s probably easy to find guys who want to hook up even when I have no experience in that arena. “It’s more knowing that I can’t get out of my own head about things to even come when it’s just me, let alone someone else.”

His eyes widen with that rushed confession. “You’ve never made yourself come?”

My cheeks heat as I shake my head. Admitting this is so mortifying. I cover my eyes and flop back on the bed. Tears fill my eyes behind my eyelids. “Why can’t I be normal?”

“Hey.” Cy moves beside me on the bed, his body stretching out beside mine. “Normal is boring.” He pulls my hands from my face.

When I open my eyes, I see his face full ofconcern as he looks down at me. “There is no need for you to ever be embarrassed about anything with me, okay?”

I nod. A question pops unbidden into my mind, and I almost ask it before stopping myself.

Ever the attentive person he is, he notices. “What? Speak your mind, Angel.”

“Would you try?” I finally ask through a thick throat.

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