Page 71 of Promise You Forever

I feel so foolish.

I finally grab the scholarship folder and all its contents, along with the forms I need for Gramps, and walk back to the house. I’m not sure how late he’ll be tonight, he said his visits with his dad don’t last too long, but he has to drive all the way to Crested Butte, which adds nearly three hours round trip.

Shadows grow long across the floor and walls as I sit and wait for him. The folder sits out in front of me. I don’t move a muscle as the door opens, even as Charlie races to go greet him. He calls out for me, but I don’t respond.

“Hey.” He sets his keys down. “There you are.”

When I don’t say anything, he does a double take. His eyes widen when he sees the folder in front of me. He looks up at me, already pleading with his expression.

“I can explain that.” He walks toward me.

“I hope so because all the things that have been running through my mind lead back to the one conclusion I know you don’t want me to make.”

He pulls out a chair across from me. “I did form that scholarship fund to give you money for college. I have so much, it’s not like it hurt me to do it. It helped you. It made you happy.”

“It was dishonest.”

“You were so stressed out about Charlie and money and housing. Would you have taken money from me directly?”

“No.”

“Exactly.”

“But I didn’t earn it.” I point at the paper. “I was seeking scholarships because that would mean it was mine, that I earned it on merits not spreading my legs for a rich man.”

Anger flashes in his eyes at that accusation. “I didn’t pay because we were sleeping together, and you damn well know that.”

“I don’t actually.” I sit back, raising my chin defiantly. “You spoke to me like I was a whore that day in the cemetery.”

“And I’ve regretted it every second since then.”

“Did any part of you think that by doing this you were absolving yourself of the hurt you caused me?”

His hesitation is all the answer I need. I push to my feet, ready to pack a bag and get out of town a few hours earlier than planned. I could get a hotel room by the airport.

“Wait.” He stands suddenly and grabs my wrist gently. “Maybe. Not in the way that I think it erases what I did.” He runs a hand through his hair. “It was just comforting to know you were okay in at least one way.”

I take a deep breath and try to calm my racing heart. “I wasn’t okay, though. I was still hurting, even if I pretended I was fine. And now it’s all back. All those feelings. I don’t know if I can trust you. I said no more lies. This is a lie of omission, and it hurts just as much. Maybe more.”

“There’s nothing else. I promise. What can I do? I’ll do anything.” His voice quakes as he drops his forehead to mine.

“Give me time.”

“As much as you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

It’s a cool and rainy day in southern California. I had wanted to squeeze in a walk or two along Venice Beach while I’m in town, but that’s definitely out of the question today. Amber’s been locked away in the law library for most of the first few days of the week, but she’s in her last final of the semester now.

Packing up my office was about as anti-climatic as I had imagined it would be. Patrick took me out to lunch and told me if anything changed, I’d always be welcome back. He was also supportive of our plans for the ranch and said he’d invest if I needed it. Between my business savvy and Luke’s money, we shouldn’t need it, but it’s nice to know he’s willing if need be.

I haven’t spoken to Luke aside from responding to the photos he’s sent of Charlie while I’m away. I’m looking forward to being able to sit down with Amber tonight and get her perspective of the whole situation.

I know that my judgment is likely a little skewed here. Trust issues exist between us for a very good reason. I’d be an idiot to overlook this massive red flag and not address it. He’s had his finger on the pulse of my life without me knowing for years. I don’t like that at all.

Regardless of his intentions, what he did was wrong. The fact that he kept it hidden for so long shows that he knew. He claims there’s nothing else, but how am I supposed to know that for sure when he hasn’t been entirely forthcoming with me from the get go?

I should be packing, instead I’m sitting in a chair in the corner of the condo watching raindrops roll down the glass. My irritated growl is the only sound in the apartment as I push myself to my feet and walk into the room that was once my bedroom. I’m going to get at least a couple boxes packed before Amber gets home.

The closet is the best place to start, so I grab a wardrobe box and start transferring all the hanging clothes inside. There are few pieces that I know I won’t wear, so I leave them for Amber to keep or I’ll donate them before I go back to Colorado. I can’t think of any reason to keep my collection of high heels, aside from a few staple pairs like my black pumps and some pairs of boots.

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