Page 51 of Promise You Forever

What if she hits her head?

I drop the rake I’m holding and walk out into the cold afternoon air. Hopefully the chill will freeze the anxious thoughts from my brain. I drag a few deep breaths into my chest, holding and then releasing them steadily.

The sting of a ball of freezing, icy snow slams into my cheek followed by laughter. I turn around to find my idiot best friendscackling right before another snowball gets launched at my face. I dodge the third, but it’s on now.

“You motherfuckers have no idea what you just started,” I yell as I bend down and gather snow in my gloves, compounding it into a ball.

I bring my arm back and throw the first one at Sam, hitting his shoulder as he jumps to the side. I drop down, and Colt’s snowball flies over my head as I start making more. I nail Colt in the face, laughing with satisfaction and dodging another from Sam.

Their plan works, and after a few minutes, my anxiety eases. The horses watch us with passing interest but eventually move on to eating. By the time we finish our impromptu snowball fight, we’re all soaked from the melting snow, so we head back into the stable to finish mucking the stalls under the heaters.

My phone rings with a notification, and I almost drop it as I rush to check it.

Safe and sound on our way home

Thank you for texting me

We’re going to pick something up for dinner on our way home

Do you want anything? Ask Colt if he wants to stay too?

I check with Colt, and we tell them what we both want. They should be getting home right as we finish up with work, which isperfect. I cut Sam loose early, so he can go home to Janey and Coop.

“I know today was hard for you,” Colt says as we lock up the barn. “You did really well keeping it together, though.”

“Getting pelted with a snowball helped.”

“Anytime I can kick your ass I’m happy to help.”

“Two on one isn’t really a fair fight.”

“Life’s not fair.”

“No shit.” Truer words have never been spoken. I know that better than anyone.

I lead him into the house, stomping off our boots before setting them inside on the rug with Charlie hot on our heels. She runs inside and shakes off the snow on her fur all over the middle of the kitchen floor. She sits, her tail swishing through the droplets on the tile.

I can’t be mad, even as I bend down and clean up her mess, including drying her feet. Not when I can close my eyes and remember her as a goofy puppy with huge ears and clumsy paws. She licks my face in thanks before taking off to find one of her favorite chew toys.

“Have you told Eli about the closet?” Colt asks out of nowhere.

“No. Why?”

“I think you should, especially if you want her to give you a chance.”

“Having a breakdown over my dead wife’s letters and wedding dress doesn’t excuse what I did to her.”

“No, it doesn’t, but it does provide context as to why you went off the deep end like that.”

I hate the thought of even addressing what happened the night of her twenty-first birthday. She does deserve an explanation, but how do I go about it without sounding like I’m making excuses? I was out of line, end of story.

She knows I regret it. She knows I’m sorry. At least she should.

Fuck.

Maybe I do need to tell her.

She walks in, and while she’s the opposite of Amy in appearance, her wind and sunburned cheeks with goggle lines remind me so much of my late wife. Relief rushes through me, nearly buckling my knees because she’s safe and in one piece. The smile on her face is so radiant it’s worthy of the pet name I gave her early on.

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