Page 60 of Promise Me Never

Her happy bleats blend into the background as my heart beats louder. Nothing makes me as uncomfortable as apologizing, but I owe her one. The biggest at that.

“Eli,” I say her name again. My annoyance rises as she keeps clearing shit out of the shed. “Eli,” I repeat louder.

I get a little closer and notice she’s wearing a pair of earbuds. Relief washes over me; at least she’s not ignoring me purposefully. Rose and Sophia are happily munching from the hay feeder in the corner when I tap her on the shoulder.

She jumps out of her skin and releases a startled scream, clutching her chest. Rose immediately falls over and faints, her legs stiff as she lies on her side while Sophia keeps eating, completely unfazed. Eli’s expression hardens as she pulls her ear buds out.

“What the fuck are you doing sneaking up on me like that?” She looks over at Rose. “You made her faint.”

“You made her faint by screaming like that. She knew I was here all along.” I look at her, trying to penetrate her shell. “You really shouldn’t be listening to music like this out here. It’s dangerous to not be aware of your surroundings.”

Eli slides her sunglasses up on her head, so she can glare at me without anything tinting her vision. I almost wish she had kept them on. The skin beneath her eyes, usually firm and bright, is baggy and shadowed, as if she spent the night crying.

Knowing that I did that to her makes me want to drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness. I wouldn’t blame her if she told me to get fucked. An angry storm rages in her gray eyes as she looks at me, making me think that’s exactly what’s about to happen.

Twenty-Three

ELI

* * *

“What do you want, Luke?”

If we’re doing this now, we might as well get it over with while no one else is around.

“I want to apologize.” He turns his baseball cap around, so his eyes aren’t shaded by the bill.

If he expects me to be gracious, he’s going to be disappointed. I incline my head waiting for him to continue. What happened yesterday was hurtful and wholly undeserved.

He swallows audibly before starting, the tension in jaw visible through his stubble. “I was so out of line yesterday. It’s inexcusable.” He steps toward me, pain flickering in his eyes when I take a step back. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” He steps forward again. “Forgiven?”

“No.” The caustic tone of my voice is sharp enough to cut. “You acknowledging that you were a dick is a start, but I have no idea what I did to warrant that type of response. I was literally invited to your sister’s house for dinner by her and Linda. They weren’t even sure if you’d make it.”

“I know.”

“Okay and?” I throw my hands up. “You have to give me something more than admitting you were an asshole.”

“And seeing you there was jarring,” he explodes, causing the goats to run out of the shed. “It hurts me to go into that house on a normal day, even when it’s just Janey there.” He rubs the heel of his palm over his chest absentmindedly. “But seeing you there, between the only two family members I have left, in the house I bought and fixed up to live in with my wife, had me all fucked up. I just lost it. Especially when I saw what you guys were looking at.”

Oh.

It makes so much sense now. Guilt floods me for not even thinking about that. For not putting myself in his position for a minute to think about his feelings. The telltale sting of tears gathers in my eyes as I blink rapidly to fight them.

He steps forward once again, and even if I wasn’t back against the wall, I wouldn’t step back. I let him bring his hand to my cheek. He wipes the first drop to escape with his thumb and then watches as another follows its path.

“Are these mine?” He whispers against my cheek, his lips parting slightly to taste my salty tears.

My body comes alive as he surrounds me, hands moving to my hips and drawing me against him. He’s somber and intense, our gazes locked in a duel I’m not equipped to win. I nod slightly, afraid to speak and break the spell between us.

“I don’t deserve them, Sunbeam, but I’m going to take them anyway.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t?—”

He stops me by putting his finger over my lips. “You don’t owe me anything, especially an apology. I’ve never been good at communicating, especially when it comes to emotions.”

---