Page 53 of Promise Me Never

“Where are we going?” she asks when we finally break the kiss.

“The only decent place there is to eat in town. Bess and James's Steakhouse.”

She follows her usual routine every time she gets in my truck, braiding her hair and rolling down the window. She props her arms on the ledge and rests her head.

“Do you do that in LA?”

“No way.” She looks back at me. “I’d probably end up decapitated by some guy on a motorcycle speeding through the lanes.”

“Why do you do it here?”

She looks out into the fading light and sighs contentedly. “I feel free here. It’s like all the expectations I have at school and with my parents just instantly lift. I wish I could bottle this feeling and take it back with me.”

Her answer makes me as angry as it does sad. I don’t think I would be able to bite my tongue around her parents if they ever decide to show their faces. Paul and Jo never really speak about them anymore. Especially once they moved from Colorado to California. I don’t understand how you could ignore two of the most wonderful people on the planet to go play with fucking rocks.

“What about you?”

“What about me?” I look over at her and wish I could take a picture, she’s so damn pretty.

“What makes you feel free?”

“Riding horses and running cattle.” Being with you. “Watching the sun go down and then rise the next morning.”

“You don’t sleep well, do you?”

Not since the morning I woke up with my wife dead in my arms.

“I sleep fine with you beside me.”

She gives me a bittersweet smile. “I guess after tonight that’s going to have to stop.”

“I don’t want that.”

“You don’t?” She fully turns her body toward mine, her gunmetal eyes reading my expression with clarity that should make me uncomfortable.

“We’ll have to be quiet and more discreet, but I think we can still do this.” Whateverthisis. “Paul and Jo’s rooms are on the other side of the house and on the main level. Do they ever check on you?”

“Not that I know of.”

From my nights watching over her, I know they don’t, not that I can reassure her with that little piece of knowledge.

“We’ll figure it out.”

“I could always sneak out and go to your cabin.” Her voice wavers a bit while she throws the suggestion out.

“No, it’s too small.” I immediately shut that down. There’s no way I could have her in a space that’s still so dedicated to Amy. It wouldn’t be fair to her, and it wouldn't feel right to me. Those lines can’t be blurred.

If she’s hurt by my immediate dismissal, she doesn’t show it. Now that I think about it, she rarely shows reactions in any type of situation that might involve feelings. She’s so guarded but keeps her walls shrouded in warmth so no one notices.

It makes me want to punch through them. I want to know what she’s thinking, what she’s feeling. Desires like that are only going to get her hurt, though. What am I going to do with that knowledge? Nothing.

Luckily, we pull into the parking lot, so I have something else to focus my attention on. She hops out of my truck and gives me a secret smile when she joins me on the sidewalk. The back of her hand brushes against mine before putting distance between us.

I beat her to the door, just barely getting there before her hand landed on the handle. I give her a scowl which does nothing but make her laugh. Her smile remains as she greets the host, a teenage girl who barely looks up from her phone.

Several sets of eyes follow us as we’re shown to a two-top table on the bar side. I recognize most of the faces, although there are quite a few tourists mixed in. Eli’s oblivious to any curious looks as she looks over the menu.

“Evening Luke.” Jackie, a former classmate of mine, comes over to take our order. “I’m Jackie,” she introduces herself to Eli. “What can I get ya?”

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