Page 59 of A Song of Ash and Moonlight

“It’s more complicated than that,” I said. “This binding magic—she didn’t work it on Gemma or Gareth or me, and I believe she’s releasedRyder from it as well, though I don’t know how such a complex working is possible—on such a large scale, yet with such specificity…”

I trailed off, hoping Yvaine would jump in and explain it all to me. But she simply looked at me, waiting.

“What I’m trying to say is this,” I went on quickly. “She allowed us to come here, with our knowledge of the truth intact, so that we could make a request of you.”Not a request, the Warden had said.A demand.But I couldn’t say that word, couldn’t even look Yvaine in the eye.

“She sent you because she thinks I’ll be more receptive to her requests if they come from you,” Yvaine said gently.

I nodded, staring at my skirts. “She wants you to propose to the Senate a national draft to bolster the Order of the Rose’s numbers. And I suppose the other Wardens probably want that as well, on their continents and for their Orders, but I can’t be certain. I know only what our Warden requested.”

Yvaine was very quiet. “What else did she say?”

I heard the slight dangerous note in her voice and hated that I had caused it, even indirectly. “She told us that if steps toward such a draft haven’t been made by the end of next week, she’ll confiscate the Three-Eyed Crown from us.”

“The Three-Eyed Crown. The cursed object that once lived in Talan d’Astier?”

“Yes. Gareth has it at the university—”

“Don’t tell me anything more about it,” Yvaine said sharply. She rose and took a few quick steps away. Her back to me, she stared out of the windows at the gardens beyond. “I can’t know where it is or what you’re doing with it. I don’t think it’s safe for me to know.”

“Because of your illness?”

She nodded. “Because I don’t know where I go during these lost days, what I do, and if such an object were to come into my possession,I’m not sure what I would do with it. I can’t be certain I wouldn’t do something terrible, though I can’t imagine what.” She touched her temple, her fingers shaking. “It’s notthisme, here before you, that I’m afraid of. I’m afraid of the me who disappears. The me who started screaming at the sinkhole. I don’t even remember what I said that night.”

She turned to look at me, her eyes shining, and gave me a sad, soft smile. “I remember your singing, though. I remember you keeping watch over me afterward. I’m grateful for it. I don’t think I ever told you that.”

I didn’t want to say anything more, but I had to, and I hoped she could see how unhappy it made me. “I won’t tell you everything, then, about what we’re doing, but…Yvaine, I have to tell yousomethings. We’re fumbling in the dark, trying to determine what’s behind all of this, how everything’s connected, how it can be mended or undone, but—”

“You’ll have to do so without me,” Yvaine said firmly. “At least until I’m well. For now, I must devote myself to keeping this city intact. A bastion of safety, a sanctuary the people of Edyn can turn to for protection.”

“But that sanctuary has already been violated, has it not? The sinkhole, the abductions—”

“And don’t you think those catastrophes would have been far worse, were it not for me?” Yvaine blew out a sharp breath. “Without my powers reinforcing their efforts, the royal beguilers’ spellwork would have failed weeks ago, and the sinkhole would have engulfed the palace by now. Without my presence here in the capital and my power radiating outward from the Citadel, more people could have been abducted. Even sick as I am, I know that. Whatever’s happening, whatever dark forces are behind these events, they are being tempered by my very existence. And I cannot be tempted away fromstaying safe and alive by Three-Eyed Crowns or Mistfires or whatever brave, wild things you’re doing to try and find the villains at work in the shadows.”

Yvaine came back to me then, stood before me with her arms crossed protectively over her chest. She glared at the carpet, at her bare white feet. “If I could,” she muttered, “I would do all of this for you. I would take away the responsibility, the mystery, and bear it on my own, and I would be happy to do it, if it meant you could stay at Ivyhill with your family and your piano and be safe and content. I despise having to ask such things of the one true friend I have.”

I stared at her—her bright eyes, her earnest, desperate expression. I’d never seen her so openly frightened, so obviously frustrated by her own limitations. I hadn’t ever known her to acknowledge that shehadlimitations. I’d always assumed she had none. I began to understand—really, truly understand—what her words the night of the ball had meant.I need all of you to be my eyes, ears, and hands out there in the world.

She must have seen the comprehension dawn on my face. She nodded grimly and sat beside me, took my hands in hers. “Yes, you understand now, as I think you did not before. Maybe you thought I was simply tired that night, or exaggerating the importance of the roles you and your sisters will have to play in what’s to come—and these friends you’ve made, these lovers.”

Something strange flickered across her face too quickly for me to read it. I looked away, embarrassed.Lovers, she’d said. More than one. There was Talan, and…who else? I thought of Ryder kissing me in the stable, his arms around me, the heat of him under me, my own heat rising fast, my whole body blooming to life.

But surely Yvaine didn’t know about that. She was powerful, but she wasn’t all-seeing.

“There’s…” I began, my voice coming out in a whisper. I was toooverwhelmed to think clearly, and suddenly Talan’s report from the far north came to mind. “Talan found a forest—”

“No, Farrin,” Yvaine interrupted. “I can’t know anything you’re doing, any leads you’re following. It’s too dangerous—for you, for me, for everyone. You are my knights, and you must ride out across the world in my service. A service I wish I didn’t have to ask of you.”

She watched my face intently for a moment, her eyes glittering and sad, and then she rose and went to the windows once more, the gauzy peach skirts of her gown drifting after her.

“I will speak to my advisers and my Senate council about the draft,” she said at last. “And I will write to Llyleth, apprise her of my actions. The Three-Eyed Crown will stay with you. I promise you that.”

And I didn’t doubt that; her voice was quiet but resolute. I felt the steel of her from where I sat, the fierce, ancient forces burning inside her tiny body.

I relaxed the slightest bit. At least that one task had been accomplished. I braced myself for the next one.

“There’s another thing,” I said slowly, “and I’m sorry for asking it of you, for asking any of this—”

“Professor Fontaine wants access to the royal archives.” She turned to smile wearily at me. “I can read your face very well, and Gareth is a particularly insistent specimen of academic. I’m sorry, but I cannot allow you or anyone into the archives right now. In fact, even my royal librarians have been banished from them. I can’t trust anyone with the knowledge stored there, not even myself. I’ve stationed a team of beguilers at every access point, whose sole duty is to maintain a constantly rotating schedule of spellwork, ensuring that even I won’t be able to enter. So far, they’ve managed well enough. Though there are those days I can’t remember…”

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