Page 22 of A Song of Ash and Moonlight

I nearly bounced right off of him—he was solid and tall as a mountain—but he caught my arms before I could fall. I ripped away from him and stumbled back.

“Don’ttouchme,” I snarled.

He stepped back, hands raised. “You’re the one who ran intome,Ashbourne.”

I glared at him. “What are you doing out here, anyway? Skulking about like some thief?”

He raised one dark eyebrow. “I’m a guest of the queen, same as you. I couldn’t sleep and went to the stables, then took my horse—myownhorse—for a ride through the game park. And what exactly would I be stealing out here? A mess of twigs?”

He did smell of horse, I belatedly realized, and he wore riding clothes, slightly stained, and his dark hair, most of it gathered into a messy knot, was windswept. I didn’t know what to say. An apology for running smack into him seemed appropriate, but the thought made me even angrier. I wanted to storm away from him, but then he would return to his family’s apartments, perhaps slightly mystified but otherwise fine, and I would remain decidedlynotfine.

An imbalance I could not abide.

“Is something wrong with the queen?” he began, but I cut him off with an impatient wave of my hand.

“You never apologized.”

He blinked at me, looking annoyed and hawkish in the garden’s violet shadows. Dawn was bleeding softly into the sky.

“Apologized for what?” he said.

The nerve of the man. “For deceiving us at the midsummer ball. For making us think my mother had returned. For assaulting my father right there in front of everyone.”

“And did you ever apologize for your father beating me senseless at the Bathyn tournament?” he replied quietly. “Or for trapping my family inside a cursed forest for years?”

“And didyouever apologize for burning my house down? For nearlykillingme?” I turned away from him, pushing down hard against a rising sob. “I dream about it every night. I dream about the night I nearly died. And then I wake up and claw through the day and fall asleep and do it again, and again. And not once has anyone from your family apologized.”

He was quiet for a moment. “That was a turning point, wasn’t it, Ashbourne? That fire made everything worse for all of us.”

I whirled on him. “Stop calling me that, like I’m a beetle only worthy of being referred to by official classification. My name isFarrin.”

He looked horribly unhappy. He clenched his jaw, his gaze burning into me. “Farrin, then,” he said. “Farrin.”

It sounded as though the simple act of saying my name tore something out of him. I laughed bitterly. “Thank you. That must have been an onerous task, and yet you managed it. Well done.” I gestured back at the castle. “And here we all are, meant to be friends now after everything that’s happened, and you stand there as if my name on your tongue is the worst thing you’ve ever tasted. Ridiculous.”

“I’m not exactly rejoicing about the situation either, Farrin,” he said tightly, “but the queen herself said we must work together. I’m willing to try, though everything in me is screaming not to. Are you willing?Trulywilling? Or will you spend the whole time yelling at me?”

“I’ll yell at you as much as I like,” I shot back, so angry I felt dizzy. “I didn’t hear Yvaine forbid it.”

Ryder fell quiet once more. “Is she all right?” He looked away quickly, scrubbed a hand over his mouth. “She felt like nothing in my arms. I had this terrible feeling she would just fade away. We’d arrive at her rooms and I’d be covered in ash.”

The sight of him looking so spooked unsettled me to my seething core. “Clearly she’s not all right, but at least for now, she’s sleeping.”

“And why aren’t you?”

“Why do you care, and why should I tell you?”

He shrugged. “I’m a naturally curious man. And since you could have left by now but haven’t, I suspect there’s a part of you that’s bursting to talk. Even to me.” He paused, looked hard at me. “You’re crying.”

“Not because I’m sad,” I spat. I was unraveling, and of all people to witness it, it had to bethisman.

“I didn’t say you were sad.”

“I’mangry.”

“That much is obvious.”

“And I’m tired,” I said, the words coming out of me on a thin breath. “I’m so tired, and I don’t see that ever changing. I look into the future, and all I see is more of the same: a house I can barely keep in one piece, strange magic no one understands, the world changing right before our eyes. Some monster out there, licking his wounds and waiting for the right moment to come pouncing back. Andyou.” I glared at him through my tears. “You and your terrible sister and your terrible parents, stains on my life that I can’t scrub out.”

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