Page 10 of If Anything Happens To Me

“That’s amazing,” I said.

“That would mean he wouldn’t be at Hubbard’s Point,” Chris said with a teasing tone. “You wouldn’t like that, would you, Oli?”

It was my turn to blush again.

“So you two planned to meet here?” Eloise asked, glancing from me to Matt. She knew how I felt about Matt, of course, from our sister talks. But she’d be able to guess anyway, from the fact I always seemed to drive past his house on our way home, pretending it was random.

And it was obvious that Chris could tell I liked Matt, too. Maybe I wasn’t as good at hiding my feelings as I thought I was.

I would explain to Eloise later that Matt had told me all about his family vacations at Ocean House, how the manager had taken him to this tower before. And how the look in his eyes had been an invitation, a dare, to meet him there.

“He was just sharing a bird-watching spot,” I said to Eloise as we stood on the roof.

“Yeah, I wanted to show you the merlin,” Matt said.

I listened to see if there was anything in his voice to let me know it was more than that, but it sounded as if it was just what he said: sharing a birding opportunity with friends.

“The merlin’s cool, right?” another voice asked.

I turned to see Fitch Martin, another boy from our nature club, climbing up from the staircase below.

“Hi, Fitch,” I said, and Eloise waved.

Fitch was cute, too: tall and skinny, with unruly dark hair and black-rimmed glasses. Sometimes I thought he wore those glasses because they made him look even smarter than he was—which was very smart. His shirt was always untucked, sometimes buttoned wrong. He was intense about academics, and proud of his membership in the Agassiz Foundation, a scientific organization funded by his family. Both he and Chris were officers of the Future Doctors Club. Matt, Eloise, and I were happy to just be in the nature club, along with my close friend, Adalyn Banda. I was sorry that Adalyn couldn’t be there that day.

Fitch came to stand beside me and Matt, looking up at the sky. Eloise and Chris had moved off to the side, standing so close to each other their shoulders were touching. They were talking quietly. Between the two of us, Eloise was the one whom boys liked the most. She had a bouncier personality, flirty eyes, a sweet way of laughing that made boys lean in and want more.

With all the activity, the merlin had flown from the railing and was perched on top of the flagpole. I felt a slight pang that Matt wasn’t standing close to me, the way Chris was to my sister.

“Hey, check this out,” Matt said. He had set up a large scope, pointing it toward the lighthouse. The tide was out, and a narrow strip of sand ran along the seawall. “Look at the sanderlings. There have to be at least fifty.”

I looked through the scope, and he was right—many of the little brown shorebirds darted along the frilled edge of the waves, teasing the foam and pecking the sand for food. When I stepped back, Eloise took her turn.

As Eloise, Chris, and Fitch discussed the sanderlings, Matt and I watched the merlin again. And as if Matt had read my mind, saw my wish, he leaned slightly against me. Shoulders touching.

It felt as if something between us was starting to unlock.

My reddish-blonde hair was long, in a braid. He tugged it lightly and I turned and saw him grinning. One of his bottom teeth was crooked, and I thought it gave him the cutest smile I’d ever seen. He was still holding my braid, but then he let go and traced my shoulder with one finger. In spite of the summer heat, his touch gave me goose bumps all over.

“You could get sunburned if you stay up here too long,” he said.

I felt embarrassed. Some girls tanned, but I stayed pale. Every single freckle showed, and it made me feel self-conscious. The sun would turn me crimson if I didn’t spread gallons of sunscreen all over.

“I’ll go in soon,” I said, looking into his eyes. They were blue, like mine, but they had gold flecks around the pupils.But I don’t want to go. I just want to stay here, I thought. My breathlessness kept the words trapped inside. We stood there, not saying anything. It was almost as if my silence had made him turn quiet, too. I wished he would lean even closer to me, and then he did.

Our foreheads touched. I closed my eyes. I could almost feel his kiss, but it didn’t happen. Instead, the merlin flew away, and we broke apart.

Eloise called us to the scope to look at the sanderlings again, and we joined her, Chris, and Fitch. My heart was pounding as I replayed the moment Matt had leaned his forehead against mine. The almost-kiss that was so close, my lips still tingled.

***

Back in my kitchen, almost a year later, I shook off that summer memory and stood up. I took my phone out of my pocket. I had Matt’s number, and I thought about calling him. But it was already late. I wondered again if I should call the police, but then I remembered my promise to the girl upstairs. So I put the Ziploc bags into my backpack, said good night to Noreen, and went to my room to try to sleep.

I usually wake up by 6:30 a.m., but I was so exhausted from the day before, I slept past 9:00. My mind was fuzzy, with threads of yesterday weaving through as I slowly woke up. At first I thought I had dreamed up the nameless girl, but when I ran to Eloise’s room, there she was—wide awake, sitting up and propped against the pillow, staring into space.

“Good morning,” I said.

“Hi, Oli,” she said.

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