Page 66 of If Anything Happens To Me

“Don’t do it, Oli,” Fitch said sharply. “We’re almost finished. If you interfere now, I will give you that drug and restrain you and start over. Now, lie still and let me measure your respiration. Breathe normally. That’s it.”

I tried to control my breath, but I couldn’t. I was too churned up. I could see that Fitch was absorbed in the dials on the machine, taking notes about whatever data they were revealing. That’s when he hit one more switch, and a current ran through me, as if I’d been struck by lightning, and my body shook—a huge shiver that went from my head to my toes. I heard myself whimpering, saying the name Matt out loud.

When it passed, I saw that he was grinning.

“Matt, haha,” he said. “You really wanted him to be your boyfriend, didn’t you?”

I clamped my jaw shut, unwilling to say a word. It hurt too much to think about what I had wanted once-upon-a-time, like yesterday.

“That’s not going to happen. You realize that, right?” Fitch asked.

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming at him.

“Oh, I upset you? Well, sorry. But it’s healthier to face facts,” he said. “That’s a reality.”

Fitch liked seeing me that way, hurting badly. I believed in that instant that everything he was doing had less to do with research and more to do with harming people—physically and emotionally. He was like that person who pulls the wings off flies just to see them suffer.

“It wasn’t an accident, was it?” I asked.

“What, Oli?”

“Eloise dying. You said it was an accident. Abigail says so, too, that you didn’t mean to do it.”

He didn’t respond right away. There was a large black book on a shelf beside the table. He bent over it and began to turn the pages, stopping at one to read. I saw his lips moving, as if he was chanting something. Then he opened a cupboard and took out a saltshaker. He sprinkled something into the palm of his hand, then blew it away. I watched, but didn’t ask what he was doing.

“Abigail is my sister,” he said. “She loves me, just like you loved Eloise. Of course she would say that. She sees the best in me.”

“But she’s wrong, isn’t she?” I asked.

He smiled that frightening smile.

“You murdered my sister on purpose,” I said.

He tilted his head.

“Just like you tried to do with Iris,” I said.

“I don’t like girls who defy me,” he said.

“So I’m right?” I asked. “You deliberately killed Eloise. You knew what you were doing?”

“That’s not what I said, Oli. Listen. Open your ears. I said I don’t like girls who defy me. I might get upset when they do, and that might cause me to make mistakes. I would never purposely hurt anyone, much less kill them.”

“If that’s true,” I asked, trembling, “why did you just tell me your password? Isn’t it because you’re already planning to not let me go?”

“It bothers me that you’re so determined to see the worst in me,” Fitch said. “Because I’m good, Oli. The whole point is that I care. It’s why I do what I do.” Still holding the saltshaker, he tilted it up above so that sparkles rained down on me.

“What is that?” I asked, flinching.

“It’s gold dust,” he said. “Fresh from Minerva’s jewelry bench. It’s a symbol of how precious I think you all are.”

“Like the charm you left when you dumped Iris in the grave?” I asked.

“Yes, solid gold,” he said, looking deeply into my eyes. “That’s what you all are to me. I don’t take any of you for granted.”

“What about the feather?” I asked. “The gray-blue feather? Did you leave that, too?”

He tilted his head and looked surprised. “You noticed,” he said.

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