Page 12 of Undeniable Love

Until he climbed out of his truck—then he felt every ache and pain all over again.

“It was a rough game. This doesn’t mean I’m old,” he mumbled as he walked through the front door.

The house was a sanctuary and it had been a bit of a status symbol for him when he’d purchased it five years ago. He’d dated the interior decorator and while everything was nice and top-of-the-line, it never felt like a real home.

At least, not what he thought a real home would feel like.

Hell, he still went back to his childhood home and even slept in the room he grew up in from time to time, and even though he didn’t have a lot of great memories of it, there was just a…a feeling of comfort he got as soon as he walked through the door. It was probably more about his mom and the love she put into raising him and his brothers, but Jax had always thought that someday he’d get that same feeling in a place of his own.

So far, it hadn’t happened.

Walking around, he contemplated calling for some takeout, but ultimately opted to make himself a sandwich. Throwing together a turkey club, he wolfed it down before changing into a pair of shorts and heading out to his hot tub. The massive screened-in porch had a seating area, fireplace, TV, an outdoor kitchen, and the hot tub. Normally he turned on the TV when he was out here, but tonight, he just wanted to enjoy the silence.

As soon as he sank down into the hot, bubbling water, he let out a low moan. It felt better than he even imagined, and as he got comfortable and closed his eyes, his mind instantly went to how much he’d screwed up and why now more than ever, he needed to get serious about where he envisioned himself when the season ended.

Could he play for another season? Absolutely.

Did he want to? Well, that was a bit trickier.

Financially, he knew he could retire and move on to a new career. Part of him wanted to coach either high school or middle school football. The only thing stopping him was the fact that the Warriors were having some of their best years lately and Jax was a high-profile player. If he retired and tried to teach at a public school, he had no doubt the press would be a bit overbearing and appear at every practice or game. So maybe that was a career option a few years down the line.

He was a spokesperson for a brand name sports drink, a national gym, and a sporting goods company. It wasn’t like he was going to need to find a job after retiring, but he certainly should have some options ready.

If he expressed interest, he could probably become a color commentator for one of the networks and be very comfortable watching the game from the sidelines. A lot of players went that route after retiring, but it sounded boring to him.

Basically, he kind of wanted his cake and to eat it too. He wanted to be hands-on, just not on the professional level, and he also wanted to be out of the spotlight so he could just be—at least some of the time. Right now, here in Wichita, he was in a gated community where several of his teammates lived. His neighbors all knew him and no one bothered him. If he decided to move back to North Carolina—because that’s where most of his family was—would he still have his privacy?

So many thoughts were swirling in his brain that he was no longer relaxing. Muttering a curse, he climbed from the hot tub, grabbed his towel, and went back inside. After changing into sweats, Jax picked up his phone and called the only person who could talk him off the ledge.

His older brother Noah.

Noah was a financial whiz and the person in charge of handling all of Jax’s money. They’d been talking about what the future was going to look like, but nothing was ever solidified.

Maybe it’s time for him to really start thinking seriously.

Except…it was late. So maybe he’d reach out tomorrow.

Walking over to his pantry, he grabbed a pack of chocolate chip cookies and took them to the couch with a weary sigh. It seemed pathetic to be home alone eating cookies on his couch, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before. His other brother, Simon, was on the West Coast, so he’d be awake, but he was seriously living his best life right now and wouldn’t understand what Jax was feeling.

“I could still call just to have someone to talk to…”

But before he could do that, his phone dinged with an incoming text.

Ty: Hey! Congrats on the win tonight! It was good to see you back on the field!

He and Tyler Dawson had been best friends since they both started playing pee wee football in kindergarten. They’d been inseparable and there wasn’t a person alive who knew him better than Ty. Growing up, they both dreamed of going on to the NFL together, but an accident on grad night changed that. It still killed him that he was living his dream and his buddy wasn’t.

And the guilt that he carried over that night never went away.

It should have been him.

That was definitely a sliding doors moment, where one seemingly small decision changed the course of both of their lives. Jax should have been the one injured and Tyler should be playing pro ball.

Raking a hand through his damp hair, Jax let out a shaky breath. It had been twelve years and yet it still seemed like yesterday. There wasn’t a day that went by when he didn’t think about it, but there wasn’t anything he could do to change what happened.

Ty: That was a bullshit call in the third quarter. I can’t believe you didn’t give that ref hell!

Laughing softly, Jax stared down at the phone and decided to give his friend a call.

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