Page 56 of Ice Cold Hearts

“No one can. Everyone I let in always leaves because I’m too much for them,” he says glumly.

“Alexei and Oliver haven’t left,” I point out.

“That’s different,” Ian mutters.

“How? Because they’re men?” I ask, annoyed.

“No. I mean, yes. I mean, it’s just complicated,” he sputters.

I cup his face in my hand. “There’s more going on here than just security, isn’t there?”

“Yes.” He nods. “But I don’t even know how to start talking about that.”

“Why don’t we just start with what’s going on right now and go from there?” I suggest, “Is it okay if I start?”

“Go ahead,” Ian says, physically bracing himself.

Just like that, my heart splinters into pieces. I want nothing more than to find whatever piece of garbage did this to him and make sure they regret it.

I take a calming breath instead.

“Ian, it hurt when you called me stupid and went off on me. It was even worse when you stormed off before we could fix things. It made me feel small and unvalued. I don’t think I could ever express how much that hurt me. I can’t be with someone who calls me names and storms off.” I clasp his hand in mine. “I don’t expect you to be perfect or for things to be fixed overnight, but I need you to promise me you’ll try and do better. I need you to start sharing what you feel and not walking away. If you need time to cool off so you don’t resort to name-calling or just to regulate, that’s totally different. I want you to take that time if you need it, but I need to know that’s what you’re doing and that you’ll come back. Can you do that?”

I was expecting some resistance or some other type of answer, but he just reaches out and crushes me tightly to his chest in what can only be called a bear hug. I’m speechless from shock but also because he’s just squeezed all the air out of my lungs.

“You are way too good to me,” he says.

“Can’t breathe,” I squeak out.

“Oh, shit. Sorry,” he says, letting me go.

“Ian,” I start.

“I know, you want an answer.” He cuts me off earnestly. “I can do all of those things. I just… I just might need help.”

“I’m so glad to hear that.” I smile softly. “But that’s not what I was going to say. Ian.” I take his hands in mine. “Those sorts of conversations are how relationships should be. I’m not being too good to you. That’s the bare minimum.”

Ian swipes at his eyes again. I wrap my arms around him and lean us back so his head is resting on my chest. His wavy hair feels silky-soft as I run my hands through it. As he relaxes into my touch, I realize I would do anything to protect this man.

“Tell me,” I prompt.

“I was so overwhelmed by the thought of you, or worse, you and Audrey, being in trouble without any of us around to protect you.” Ian takes a shaky breath. “There was a woman we dated before we met you, Colleen. She was one of the kindest people I’d ever met and unbelievably brilliant with computers. Once word got out that the three of us were dating her, she never got a moment of peace. They harassed her everywhere she went. Reporters would go through her trash, and a few even broke into her house. After a few months, she finally accepted our offer of security, but the damage was already done. She just couldn’t handle it anymore. The official reason things ended was that she was offered a job in Tokyo at one of their engineering firms, which was true, but honestly, it was because of how the media treated her. You make our weird little family feel whole. I don’t want to lose you because of some assholes with cameras.”

A shiver of pure terror runs down my spine. That poor woman went through absolute hell. I’m too selfish to be sad their relationship ended, but it shouldn’t have ended that way.

“It’s not an excuse for how you handled things, but I understand now why you got so upset. I promise you the minute things escalate beyond what’s going on right now, I will absolutely accept security while I’m out alone, especially when I’m with Audrey. I just think that having security right now would pretty much confirm all the rumors going around right now and make things even worse. If we stick to our plan of no public affection, there’s a chance they’ll get bored and move on to the next bit of gossip. I’ll even pick up some pepper spray and have hospital security walk me to my car if it will make you feel better. Is that something you can accept?”

“But the minute things start getting weird?” Ian asks.

I laugh. “I will let you get me the biggest, most terrifying security guards you can find.”

He nods. “All right.”

After a few moments of quiet, he asks, “Did you really mean it when you said I could take space to process and then come back?”

“Of course I did. I’m not some priceless diamond on display that you can’t breathe near?—”

“You are to me,” he interrupts.

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