Page 46 of View from Above

“I don’t need it.” Setting her uninjured hand on her hip, she faced him. “I don’t need anything.”

Not from you. She hadn’t spoken the words, but the meaning was all-too clear. The finality of her statement hit him harder than the bullet to his chest. He’d known this was a possibility, known why she hadn’t returned any of his calls. What’d happened on the roof—the physical, mental, and emotional pain they’d gone through to walk away alive, his admission that he loved her—hadn’t changed anything. There were just some wounds that couldn’t be healed. And that was his fault. This distance, this detachment… He’d done this to them, and he would have to be the one to fix it. “Well, at least you finally get your doll collection back.”

“Not really. I found a buyer for them,” she said.

“You’re selling them?” That didn’t make sense. The way she handled them, had looked at them when they’d been here the first time—she deserved to have them back. Payton crossed the threshold and helped her reach for the row on the top shelf to save her from aggravating her shoulder. He handed one off to her, an ugly thing with curly red hair and green eyes. “Why?”

“The Joyful Heart organization needs the money more than I need a piece of my childhood back.” She set another two dolls into boxes, her knuckles white around their small necks.

The Joyful Heart? The charity had become synonymous with helping children of sexual assault over the years. Prevention, treatment, prosecution of perpetrators… His stomach twisted in a sickening knot. Why that charity? Why that cause? He studied each of the chubby faces still waiting to be packed. Payton closed the distance between them. “Why did your father have these?”

She didn’t answer.

“You said he gifted them to you as a kid. So why was he the one hanging onto them?” The facts of the case—of what he knew about Roland Kotite and the son of a bitch he’d been—filled in a lot of holes, but not this one. The bastard had been a narcissist, willing to do whatever it took to get his way, to manipulate, dominate, and control his daughter and wife. Taking them from Mallory wouldn’t have been a punishment fitting for a grown woman. “To hold them over you?”

“It doesn’t matter.” She wiped at her face, still intent on staring into an empty box. “After today, I won’t have to look at them again. I won’t have to look at any of this stuff after the merger goes through. All of it will be someone else’s problem.”

Payton slipped his hand between her ribcage and arm, gently turning her into him. The stiffness in her body language was still there, and that unwillingness—that lack of trust—carved through his heart. “It matters to me. What did he do to you?”

“Why do you care?” she asked. “You made it perfectly clear after I told you I’d looked into your father’s case that you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“I was angry.” And he’d regretted every second of his life since. “Mallory, I’m sorry.”

“You really think an apology is enough?” She pinned one of the full boxes between her uninjured forearm and her hip. Her voice softened as though she’d lost the will to stay in the same room with him. “You want to know what he did to me, Payton? Why I’m donating something I used to love to help children of sexual violence and abuse? He turned me into exactly what you said I was. A prostitute. He used me to seduce his clients and potential investors to get what he wanted. Every single one of these dolls was supposed to be a reward, but all they are is a reminder that he owned me.”

Shit. His mouth dried. He didn’t know what to say, what to think. But deep down, he understood. He might not have hurt her more than her father had, but he’d come too damn close. Guilt destroyed the words he’d rehearsed before he’d gotten on the elevator. “When I gave you that cash to keep you from repeating confidential information about the connection the FBI had found between the last three serial cases—”

“You were right about me.” Her uninjured shoulder rose on a deep inhale. “That’s what you wanted to hear, isn’t it? You were right. And now that the case is closed, we can do what we set out to do from the beginning. Move on with our lives. You can go back to working your cases, and I’ll keep trying to help as many people as I can with that therapist magic you hate so much.”

“No.” He’d never been more sure of anything in his life. He didn’t want to move on. He didn’t want to gloss over this conversation because it was hard or difficult. Whether she liked it or not, they would have to talk about it.

She maneuvered around him, box in tow, and practically tossed it on the floor with a stack of others near the door. “That’s not something you get to decide for me, Detective.”

“I mean I can’t. I can’t move on. Not without you.” He turned to face her, and she halted her escape. “Mallory, I obviously didn’t know what you’d been through as a kid when I said those awful things, and the truth is, I didn’t mean any of them. I just wanted to hurt you the way I thought you’d hurt me.”

She folded one arm across her chest to meet the shoulder sling. “Mission accomplished.”

“Yeah.” He saw that now. “The people I fight for with my job, the ones I investigate to try to get justice—I’ll be the first to tell you Roland Kotite didn’t deserve an ounce of closure. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry you were stuck with him growing up. I’m sorry for the things he did to you and your mom, and I’m sorry for the way I reacted to what you did for me.” Taking a step forward, Payton weighed the chances of her having him escorted from the building. They were pretty high. “You were right, too. I needed to deal with the fact my father wasn’t coming back. I needed to let go of that anger I’ve held onto all these years. Because it’s just going to keep coming back to upend everything I’ve worked for. So I went to the Seattle Clinic.”

Her arm fell to her side as she stood a bit straighter. Curiosity replaced animosity in her expression, and the chances of her calling security on him lessened. At least, he hoped they had. “You did?”

“Yeah, but given the choice between meeting John Doe and finding you after you’d been taken from your parents’ house, I left. Even after the nurse told me they were moving him to a more secure location and that I wouldn’t have another chance. I left,” Payton said. “I realized my past is always going to be there. It might determine my behavior and emotions when it comes right down to it, but my past wasn’t what got me through taking a bullet to the chest or kept me from falling off the roof of this building. It was you, Mallory.”

Her mouth parted on a strong exhale.

“I’ve been on my own for so long, I’d forgotten what it felt like to have someone care about me. I took that to mean you had your own agenda, that you were using me, but now I know better. You’re not that person.” He shook his head. “You take yourself for granted in the name of helping others, the way you helped me. You put aside your own feelings to accommodate the people around you, and I’m a damn idiot for believing you’re anything less than the brilliant, intelligent, kind woman standing in front of me.” He cupped his hands beneath her elbows, trailing his thumb along her arms. “You have a way of making me weak and strong at the same time. You see past the lies I tell myself and encourage me in ways I’ve never been encouraged before. You’re bright, and sexy, and fun. You’re everything I wanted to avoid and everything I need at the same time, and I don’t want to go another day without one of your sarcastic remarks or your laugh in my life. I love you, Mallory Kotite. You’re my partner, my friend, and the love of my life, and I will spend the rest of my life showing you exactly how much that means to me.”

She swiped at a tear streaking down her face. A burst of laughter punctured through the tension between them, and his gut unknotted. “Does that mean there’s going to be more naked sushi nights in bed?”

“Among other things.” He pressed his mouth to hers, his senses invigorated by the smooth taste of whiskey on her tongue. She’d gotten into her father’s private collection on the other shelf. The hollowness he’d carried all these years didn’t hurt so much with her at his side. Soon, he wouldn’t feel it at all. Because of her. Her goodness, her smile, her penchant for things like naked sushi nights. What more could he ask for? “I have a preference for donuts, too.”

She kissed him back and encircled her free arm around his neck. “In that case, we’re going to have to invest in a few different pairs of sheets and bedding.”

“You’re worth it, Doc.” Payton pressed his body flush to hers as a whole arsenal of desire roared through him. “What do you say we finish up here and get an early start back at the house?”

Mallory flashed that gut-wrenching smile and nearly stopped his heart cold. “You read my mind, Detective Nichols. I’m all yours.”

CHAPTER THIRTY

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