Page 83 of The Shadow of Polaris

“I can’t,” I whispered, digging my nails further into his cold chest.

Arcturas struggled to stay upright. She wavered heavily with the ocean swells. Finally, her legs couldn’t hold her, and she collapsed onto the deck. Whining, she nudged her nose into my thigh, imploring me to stop.

“I’m so sorry,” I choked, watching her brilliant yellow eyes fade, like a fire slowly extinguishing into the curtain of night. “I’m sorry.”

Arcturas whined again. My body was tired, depleted of all energy, but I pushed on. I ignored the cramp spreading through my arms, stiffening my fingers into stone. My power fought against me as I willed it into Aryx’s body. He needed it more than me. Even if it meant sacrificing myself, I would continue to push. His chest twitched against my pulse. I sucked in a breath, watching for another sign of life. His skin, still grey, now webbed with tendrils of glowing light.

My knees gave out, forcing me to fall on to his rigid body. No matter how much of myself I gave him, it was no use. His cheeks were still cold, his body still empty. Arcturas sagged into me, her breathing ragged and shallow. I’d come so close to death so many times. He was a friend, then an enemy, now salvation.

“My child…” a woman’s voice whispered behind me. The words were as delicate as a flake of snow, floating down to earth. I felt the world go silent in her presence, emulating starlight within each tired beat of the heart buried in my chest. Polaris.

I continued clutching Aryx’s chest, refusing to turn and face her.

“Mother,” I whispered, “I can’t fix this. He’s not healing. I’ve failed you.”

“Elpis, it’s time to rise. It’s time to continue the fight. It’s time to let go,” she said, placing a cool, gentle hand against my back.

“I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.”

Her slender fingers brushed against my cheek as the goddess kneeled beside me.

“You have to. He’s gone. You’ll drain yourself for nothing. You can’t heal a soul that’s already left its body,” she said.

“No. Mother, help me.” I looked at her, pleading for something I knew wasn’t possible. “Bring him back.”

“You know I can’t, my love. I wish I could, but his soul is in the immortal realm now.”

“Bring him back. I can’t do this without him. Mother, I love him.” I fell to the deck, paralyzed beneath the weight of the world.

“Elpis…” she trailed off, smoothing back my hair.

“Mother, I love him. I can’t do this.”

“I wish I could,” she whispered, reaching for my hand.

“It hurts too much. I can’t take it. I can’t breathe.”

The weight of the sky plundered down my throat, collapsing my lungs, squeezing my heart until it nearly burst. Polaris stroked her palm down Arcturas’s spine, brushing back the wiry line of fur, disheveled from battle.

The wolf’s abdomen swelled back to life, her muscles inflating with newfound strength. I held my breath, watching the opening and closing of her ribcage as her energy returned.

“Elpis. Look at me.” Polaris tilted my chin up to meet her gaze.

The purple in her eyes blazed, and I saw my face staring back at me.

“You are strong. You are a warrior. Don’t let this destroy you.” She stroked my cheek. “He wouldn’t want that.”

“I never told him.” The words seared against my hoarse vocal cords, exhausted from sadness.

“He knows. He’s always known,” she said.

“Bring him back.”

She pulled me into an embrace, cradling me against her delicate frame. I’d never received such comfort before. Never felt the gentle hug or the safety of a mother’s warmth. Leaning into her further, I sobbed until my eyes swelled shut. Everything faded away. The slaughtered crew, the darkness of the night, my lifeless love. I was a child again in her arms.

I’m not sure how long she cradled me, hushing away the pain, running her long fingers down my spine. But finally, when everything eased into a dull ache and the trembling ceased, she pulled me to my feet.

“It’s time to fight,” she whispered, stroking my cheek.

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